17 People Share With Us Their Best Non-Swearing Insults
Insulting someone in a vulgar manner either by verbally swearing at them or by doing a rude gesture is not very classy and can make you look really bad in front of company. So in order to be the bigger person in the situation, finding alternative non-swearing insults is the definitely the way to go. They're very useful and efficient, and you look way classier while using them, and if the person is not smart enough they might not even get it, so you will avoid their reaction to it that way, but the people around you will know exactly what you meant.
Straight from Shakespeare "I wish we could become better strangers"
"I take it you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling"
-stolen from Firefly
Adapted from Bob Dylan's "Positively 4th Street",
I wish that for a moment you could stand in my shoes, then you'd know what a drag it is to see you.
I had a teacher tell some kid "Nothing you say is of any consequence...to anyone." He was an odd teacher who kinda talked like that, but it was his version of savage. The room lost its shit in unison.
Thank you for your input. (Then change the subject.)
From a similar thread a little while ago: You're impossible to underestimate.
Whoever told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice.
My favorite is a George Orwell quote about Stanley Baldwin (that I just saw yesterday on Cracked, I think): "He is simply a hole in the air."
Honorable mention: "You still read Cracked in 2017."
If that's how you feel, then I can't trust your judgement.
I'm a nurse at a small surgery center. Long story short I got into a fight with a co-worker when I felt her laziness put a patient at risk, and told her: "I hope you get a nurse just like you one of these days!"
I don't know if this qualifies here. But adopted kids can always make a comeback with this line.
"At least my parent chose me, yours are stuck with you."
I once was called a cabbage
you have an impeccable grasp of the obvious
My kiwi friend calls people Muppets on a consistent basis, and I can't help but find it hilarious.
You haven't been yourself lately. We've all noticed the improvement.
That's why everybody talks about you
You are like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches you but nobody wants you.