Student Feels Targeted After Passive-Aggressive Notes Appear Over A Fridge Door Mistake
OP struggles with ADHD and passive-aggressive post-it notes that are turning the kitchen hostile.
Living with housemates often requires compromise, communication, and patience. Small habits can quickly turn into big frustrations when multiple people share the same space.
Common areas like kitchens can become a source of tension, especially when expectations around cleanliness or responsibility are not clearly agreed upon. When communication becomes passive or judgmental rather than honest and respectful, it can create resentment and emotional strain in the household.
In this situation, the OP is in their second year of an MA and lives in a shared house. The previous year, the group managed to coexist without major problems, as none of them were particularly messy or excessively neat.
However, the dynamics changed when one housemate moved out and a new person joined the home. While overall habits remained similar, one of the returning housemates seemed to have become more particular about certain things.
A specific issue centers around the fridge door. It doesn’t always close properly unless checked carefully. OP has ADHD and sometimes forgets to double-check whether it has sealed fully. The housemate had already mentioned the issue, and both OP and the new housemate were aware of it.
Instead of continuing the conversation directly, the frustrated housemate started placing Post-it notes on the fridge door with reminders to close it. For OP, the notes feel passive-aggressive rather than constructive. Instead of helping, they trigger feelings of irritation and anger.
OP is also worried that this behavior might escalate into a pattern of constant written reminders, turning the kitchen into a space filled with hostile little messages. For OP, the issue is no longer just about the fridge; it’s about the shift from open discussion to silent judgment.
Shared living thrives on mutual respect, and when communication becomes passive-aggressive, even small issues can start to feel deeply personal.
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OP should stop blaming adhd and close the fridge properly.
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Leaving the fridge door open isn’t excused by adhd and still wastes food and energy.
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OP is the one at fault for being careless and disrespectful as a roommate.
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OP should stop using ADHD as an excuse for ignoring his housemates’ requests.
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Even a slightly open fridge increases the costs and risks of spoiled food.
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Post-it notes may be annoying, but leaving the fridge unsealed is still OP's responsibility.
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OP should be appreciative instead of getting upset over one sticky note.
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He's pointing out a real issue, since an unsealed fridge wastes energy and risks food spoilage.
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Carelessness with shared spaces can cost others time and money.
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OP is wrong for repeatedly leaving the fridge open and causing a health hazard.
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Leaving the fridge open too long can damage food and the appliance.
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While OP finds the post-it notes passive-aggressive, the frustration from their housemate may be understandable. The fridge issue had already been discussed, and repeated forgetfulness - even if unintentional - can still cause genuine problems, especially with shared food at risk. ADHD can explain OP’s difficulty remembering, but it doesn’t remove the impact on others.
The housemate may have used notes simply as a consistent reminder rather than a direct attack. Instead of reacting with anger, OP might suggest a more constructive solution, such as setting a personal reminder or fixing the fridge.
In shared living spaces, responsibility and accountability are mutual, and communication should focus on solutions rather than assumptions of bad intent.
