“Baby Makes it Real” - New Mom Tries To Fight Off MIL And Her Intentions Of Ruining Her Marriage

In the realm of family dynamics, interactions can often be fraught with misunderstandings, shifting allegiances, and unspoken expectations. The story here is no different, centering around OP, her husband, their newborn daughter, and the increasingly contentious relationship with OP's mother-in-law (MIL).

The central issue revolves around MIL's persistent remarks about OP's daughter not resembling her and instead looking exactly like MIL and OP’s husband. This has understandably caused friction, culminating in a dinner confrontation where OP's mother finally called out MIL's behavior.

The question is whether OP was in the wrong for not defending MIL during this incident. To begin, it’s crucial to consider the change in MIL’s behavior post-pregnancy. Initially warm and affectionate towards OP, MIL’s demeanor shifted dramatically after the pregnancy.

This switch could stem from various sources: jealousy, the feeling of losing control over her son, or simply the stress of adjusting to new family dynamics. Regardless of the root cause, her behavior has been less than supportive.

Ignoring OP, trying to monopolize her son's time, and especially making repeated remarks about the baby’s looks are all actions that can significantly strain relationships. The specific issue of MIL claiming the baby looks nothing like OP and exactly like her and her son is particularly pointed.

Genetics is unpredictable, and babies can look like a mix of their parents or favor one side more than the other. However, the insistence that the baby looks "nothing" like OP while asserting a resemblance to herself is not only illogical but also dismissive of OP’s bond with her child.

This repeated assertion can undermine OP’s identity and role as a mother, contributing to feelings of alienation and frustration.

The dinner incident where MIL brought a scrapbook to "prove" her point was the tipping point. It’s one thing to make offhand comments, but actively showcasing a scrapbook to assert that the baby looks nothing like OP crosses a line into deliberate provocation.

This behavior could be seen as an attempt to invalidate OP's connection to her child in front of family and friends, which is both inappropriate and hurtful.

Good Relationship With Her MIL Before Pregnancy

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Change in MIL's Behavior After OP's Pregnancy And Lack of Interest In Her Grandchild

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MIL's Comments About Baby's Appearance

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Dinner Incident and MIL's Scrapbook

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OP's Mom Defending Her at Dinner

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MIL's Reaction and Group Text After Dinner

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Additional Information About MIL and Family Dynamics

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MIL Is Doing Some Weird Stuff

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Having Kids Together Binds The Parents

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MILs Like To Control Everything

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This MIL Can Be Much Better And Try To Change

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Her MIL Would Always Tell Her That Her Baby Looks Like Husband

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In conclusion, OP is not the asshole for not defending MIL in this situation. MIL’s persistent and dismissive comments about OP's daughter’s appearance were uncalled for and disrespectful.

OP’s mother’s reaction, while blunt, addressed an ongoing issue that needed to be confronted. OP’s husband also made attempts to correct his mother, but MIL chose to ignore him.

The responsibility for the tension lies more with MIL’s unwillingness to respect OP and her repeated efforts to undermine OP’s connection to her daughter.