Therapist Shares One Question That Might ‘Test Your Relationship,’ and It’s Making People Cry

A licensed therapist has gone viral for sharing a list of relationship-testing questions, but there’s one in particular that has people tearing up.

Jeff Guenther, a US-based professional counselor known online as @therapyjeff, recently posted a video to his 2.8 million TikTok followers titled “10 unhinged questions that you probably shouldn’t ask your partner.”

“But what the hell. Go ahead,” he joked.

The list includes quirky and emotionally charged scenarios that are designed to provoke deep reflection—or in some cases, spark a heated debate. Questions range from the oddly specific to the downright uncomfortable, including hypotheticals like: “What would you do if your partner had been hired to date you as part of a social experiment?” and “Would you accept money to go no contact with your partner for a year?”

But it was one particular question—the so-called “celebrity crush” scenario—that really hit a nerve.

“Imagine a situation where someone offered you money to watch your partner make passionate love with their number one celebrity crush,” Guenther says in the video.

“What would be the minimum amount that can make you pull up a chair and watch it go down?”

For many, that was a step too far.

One viewer commented, “The celebrity crush question made me actually cry.”

Another added, “I could be paid no amount of money for the trauma that would cause.”

Still, some users were willing to entertain the idea. “20 million is the answer, we both said the same number BUT with the caveat that we have to be able to talk about what’s happening first. No disappearing,” wrote one.

Others were more flexible depending on the situation or the celebrity. “My girlfriend’s #1 celebrity crush is Taylor Swift, so yes,” another user confessed.

Apparently, they’d thought about this before.

Understanding the Psychology

When considering the emotional impact of these relationship-testing questions, it's important to note the role of vulnerability. According to Brene Brown, a renowned research professor and author, vulnerability is the key to deep connections and emotional intimacy in relationships (Brown, 2013). However, it also opens up the potential for emotional pain, which might account for the tears shed by some individuals when answering these questions.

Watch the video:

Jeff Guenther’s 10 Questions Not to Ask Your Partner

Here are all 10 of Guenther’s now-famous questions. Fair warning—not everyone makes it through this list without an existential crisis.

1. If you learned that your partner had been hired to date you as part of a social experiment where very hot people dated complete losers like you, would you be able to forgive them?
2. Imagine a situation where someone offered you money to go no contact with your partner for one year. What would be the minimum amount that can make you seriously consider it?
3. If it was discovered that you and your partner are actually long-lost half-siblings, would you stay together and would you tell anyone?
4. Suppose you discovered that your previous relationship ended because your current partner covertly orchestrated its demise, ensuring you were single so they could step into your life. Would you find this romantic or a red flag?
5. Imagine a situation where someone offered you money to watch your partner make passionate love with their number one celebrity crush. What would be the minimum amount that can make you pull up a chair and watch it go down?
6. Imagine you have the option to know every secret, big or small, that your partner has kept from you. Would you want to know?
7. If you could ask all of your partner’s exes what they didn’t like about them and what their major red flags are, would you want to know that information?
8. If a genie offered you three wishes but there was a 10% chance your partner would disappear from your life forever, would you accept those three wishes?
9. If you had the ability to get rid of one of your partner’s flaws or imperfections, which one would it be and why?
10. You have a one-time-use time machine and you have to use it to alter something in your relationship. What are you going to alter?

Whether you see these as fun conversation starters or emotional landmines, one thing’s for sure—Guenther knows how to stir up some serious self-reflection.

The act of asking and answering deeply personal questions can also be seen as a form of self-disclosure, a well-researched concept in psychology. Self-disclosure, the act of revealing personal information about oneself to others, has been found to be a crucial element in the development of close relationships (Sprecher, Treger, Wondra, Hilaire, & Wallpe, 2013). The emotional reactions to the questions posed by Jeff Guenther could be a testament to the power and sometimes overwhelming nature of authentic self-disclosure.

What Research Shows

Interestingly, the 'unhinged' nature of these relationship-testing questions aligns with a study conducted by psychologist Arthur Aron. In his research, Aron found that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness, and he developed a list of 36 questions designed to accelerate intimacy between strangers (Aron, Melinat, Aron, Vallone, & Bator, 1997). It's possible that the emotional reactions to Guenther's questions reflect the same underlying psychological principle of mutual vulnerability and disclosure.

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, while Guenther's 'unhinged' questions might elicit strong emotional reactions, they also demonstrate the powerful psychological principles of vulnerability and self-disclosure in action. By revealing personal information and opening up to potential emotional pain, individuals can experience deep emotional connections, as highlighted by the work of Brene Brown and Arthur Aron. It's a reminder that, at times, the journey to deeper relationships involves embracing discomfort and vulnerability.