Holiday Plans Get Messy When One Lady Decides To Split Her Family Time With Her Boyfriend’s Family
When you try to please everyone, someone gets upset.
Three families planning for Thanksgiving sounds simple on paper, but the moment travel, tradition, and expectations get mixed in, things can get emotional fast.
That’s exactly what happened for a woman (OP) who’s been spending Thanksgiving weekend the same way for the past four years.
Her family has a routine where everyone stays together from Wednesday night through Sunday morning, mostly because her older brother and his wife live nine hours away. They make the long drive, everyone squeezes a year’s worth of catching up into one long weekend, and the pattern repeats again the next year.
Now that she’s been dating her boyfriend for a year and a half, she and her partner wanted to take a different approach for the holidays. His parents are divorced, so they juggle two gatherings on his side and one on hers.
They planned a pretty reasonable solution: spend Thanksgiving Day with her family, then split Friday and Saturday between his parents. It would still give everyone quality time without exhausting either of them.
But when she shared this plan with her mom, the reaction was immediate frustration. Her mom worried about who would keep her sister-in-law company and pointed out that her brother only gets a short visit after a long drive.
When she told her brother directly, he didn’t take it well either. He insisted the whole weekend was meant for immediate family and said her new plan felt like a “half effort.”
Now she’s questioning herself. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, but she also doesn't want to ignore her boyfriend’s side of the family.
The screenshots ahead show how the conversation unfolded.
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comOP and their family have been prepping for the season, which includes Thanksgiving and Black Friday shopping
Reddit.comThe problem is, OP and her boyfriend plan to spend one half of the holiday with her family and the other half with his family
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OP informed her family of the plan with her boyfriend, and no one seems to be happy with it
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The conversation with her older brother didn’t end well
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We gathered some interesting reactions from the Reddit community
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“You made the choice that was right for you. The only thing that you did wrong was to apologize.”
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“You're all adults. Stick with the plan you and your partner have come up with.”
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“You’ve done your best to suggest a solution that best meets those needs. You’re NTA.”
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“NTA: As families blend or disconnect, holidays decisions are tough and people are going to be disappointed.”
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Holiday traditions carry a lot of emotion, especially when distance and shifting priorities get involved. Her family clearly values that long Thanksgiving stretch together, and she and her boyfriend are trying to make space for everyone without stretching themselves thin.
It’s understandable that the change felt disappointing to her mom and brother, but it also makes sense that she’d want a routine that reflects her current life.
It’s one of those moments where no one is outrightly wrong, just pulling from different angles.
What do you think about how she handled it?
