Absurd Real-Life Headlines That You Won't Believe Aren't From 'The Onion.'
Unfortunately we live in a timeline where the news has taken over the writers' jobs at the satirical news site 'The Onion'
While I can’t say for certain, I can wager it’s a safe guess that you too are a fan of satirical news. Or maybe there’s a morbid curiosity about what sort of newsworthy headlines have made a list of stories that are so absurd it’s hard to believe they aren’t from a satirical news source like Daniel Pink, a renowned author on human behavior, who states, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.”
I can’t blame you for either reason. Satire is a truly entertaining genre that does an excellent job at “punching up” and putting a fun twist on social commentary.
And in the dumpster fire that is the world today, it can be nice to have a break from the horror of the real news and have a laugh with some satirical news. Even better, it’s something that’s easy to share with friends with a few simple clicks.
Unfortunately, because of the dumpster fire that is in the world as we currently know it, it’s suddenly become difficult to discern with a glance between satirical and real-life news. Thanks to the popular ‘Not The Onion’ subreddit, we’re given an easy and amusing way to scroll through some “true stories that are so mind-blowingly ridiculous that you could have sworn they were from The Onion.” As noted by Michelle Singletary, a financial columnist, “Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction, and that’s what makes it so compelling.”
We collected some of the best overall and some excellent recent headlines to share with you today. Some are definitely unbelievable at first (or second) glance, but they are 100% legit.
Other headlines manage to highlight how freaking weird life is. Keep scrolling to see some of the most truly bizarre news headlines.
Pregnant Texas woman driving in HOV lane told police her unborn child counted as a passenger
This happened to her TWICE. The first time her citation was thrown out by a Judge, and she has since given birth.
chronBoy takes books in MICROWAVE after school bans bags
A mini-fridge would've been cooler. 😎
lincolnshireliveHulu to ‘Parasite’ haters: ‘If you don’t want to read subtitles,’ learn Korean
충분히 쉽습니다!
latimes
The Absurdity of Modern Media
The bizarre headlines we encounter today reflect a deeper societal phenomenon, where sensationalism often overshadows factual reporting.
Dr. Mark Thompson, a media psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, explains that this trend can be attributed to the competitive nature of media outlets striving to capture audience attention.
His research suggests that this focus on absurdity can desensitize audiences to real issues, leading to a distorted perception of reality.
Understanding Absurdity in News
The headlines described in this article reflect the phenomenon of sensationalism in modern journalism.
Research in media psychology indicates that sensationalized stories often capture public attention due to their shocking or absurd nature.
This trend can lead to desensitization, where audiences become less responsive to serious issues, focusing instead on the bizarre or outrageous.
'No decision expected' for EU decision on unanimous decisions
That...doesn't seem to make any sense.
Reddit
Texas Gov. excludes gun control from special committees on school shootings
Of course Abbott did.
axios
Hunter dies after elephant falls on him
Sweet, sweet karma.
news24
Moreover, cognitive dissonance plays a role in how we process these absurd headlines.
When faced with contradictory information, our brains strive for consistency, often leading us to dismiss or rationalize the absurdity.
According to a study published in the Journal of Media Psychology, this internal struggle can impact our beliefs and behaviors, reinforcing the need for critical media literacy.
Social media has amplified this effect, creating a landscape where outrageous headlines gain traction quickly.
Studies published in the Journal of Communication show that sensational content can spread rapidly, often overshadowing more critical news.
As a result, audiences may find themselves inundated with absurdity, leading to a skewed perception of reality.
Negative Reviews for Scented Candles Rise Along with COVID-19 Cases
Fun fact: My husband and I have started referring to rises in cases of COVID-19 as a rise in "Negative Yankee Candle Reviews"
interestingengineering
Trump dedicates golf trophy to hurricane victims
Oh boy, that's super helpful. Who needs potable water or electricity?
thehill
https://denverite.com/2021/05/04/two-denver-police-officers-suspended-for-using-violence-on-nonviolent-people-during-protests-against-police-violence/
It's All Carrots And Bananas these days.
denverite
Developing Critical Media Literacy
To combat the influence of absurdity in media, developing critical media literacy is essential.
Encouraging individuals to question the sources and motivations behind news stories can foster a more discerning audience.
Research indicates that media literacy programs can significantly enhance individuals' abilities to critically evaluate information, leading to more informed decision-making.
The Psychological Impact of Absurdity
Engaging with absurd news can have psychological effects, including increased anxiety and confusion.
Psychologists warn that constant exposure to bizarre stories can lead to a feeling of helplessness or hopelessness about the world.
Understanding this impact is crucial for individuals who wish to maintain a balanced perspective on current events.
Tom Hardy Surprise Enters Martial Arts Competition and Wins Gold: ‘He Lived Up to His Bane Character, That’s for Sure’
Could you even IMAGINE? All of a sudden, you're sparring Tom Hardy.
variety
8-Year-Old Calls Out NPR For Lack Of Dinosaur Stories
npr
Ben Affleck finally achieves lifelong dream of not having to play Batman anymore
Happy for him, good job on achieving your dreams, Benjamin.
avclub
To counteract the effects of sensationalism, individuals can benefit from media literacy education.
Programs that teach critical thinking skills can help audiences discern between sensationalized content and factual reporting.
This empowers consumers to engage with news more thoughtfully, fostering informed citizenry.
First patient to communicate via brain implant asks to hear Tool album
The man suffering from ALS underwent an invasive implantation procedure in order to continue communicating with his family. I wonder which TOOL album he wanted to listen to...
lambgoat
Poll: 80% of voters think the U.S. is spiraling out of control
I recognize this is a little bit of an older survey, but really? Only 80%?
axios
Mariah Carey says we should finally hear her secret 1995 grunge album
I am 100% here for this. I want to listen to it NOW.
npr
The Importance of Critical Engagement
Critical engagement with news articles is essential for developing a nuanced understanding of current events.
Research suggests that individuals who actively analyze news content are less likely to fall prey to misinformation and sensationalism.
This proactive approach can contribute to a more informed and discerning public.
GameStop Is Having A TikTok Competition For Its Employees And One Of The Prizes Is 10 Extra Labor Hours
We're living in a capitalist hellscape.
thegamer
Dogs cannot get ‘autism’, British Veterinary Association warns after ‘anti-vaxx’ movement spread to pets
Also: 📢 VACCINES DO ✨NOT✨ CAUSE AUTISM ❗️
telegraph
Anti-vaccine group sues Facebook, claims fact-checking is “censorship”
"We can't fear monger with facts!" - Robert F. Kennedy Jr., probably.
arstechnica
Encouraging discussions about the absurdity of news can also foster critical thinking.
Creating spaces for dialogue can help individuals process and analyze the information they encounter, thus reducing anxiety and confusion.
This collective examination of news can promote a healthier understanding of societal issues.
Norwegian chessmaster leaves game on second move against accused anal cheater
Who knew Chess could be so kinky?
westernstandard
Man arrested for smoking marijuana while in court for marijuana charge
He's passionate about what he loves.
cnn
United Nations official visiting Alabama to investigate 'great poverty and inequality'
America is quickly unraveling from being considered a "developed nation."
al
Navigating News Consumption
Developing a balanced approach to news consumption is crucial in the age of sensationalism.
Experts recommend diversifying news sources to include reputable outlets that prioritize fact-based reporting.
This approach can help audiences maintain a well-rounded perspective on current events, mitigating the negative effects of sensationalism.
Man who ate $120,000 art banana said he would've done it sooner, but wasn't hungry yet
That's legit though, you gotta honor your body and eat when you're hungry.
nbcnews
Nevada Man Who Claimed to Have Proof of Illegal Voting Pleads Guilty to Voting Twice
Was his "proof" his own dumbassery? (Spoiler: Yes, it was.)
trigtent
Meta's threat to close down Facebook and Instagram in Europe backfires as EU leaders embrace shutdown: 'Life would be very good without'
Yeah, I fully agree with them. I regularly have to take a break from Facebook and Instagram.
cityam
Ultimately, fostering a culture of critical engagement with the news can empower individuals to navigate the complexities of modern media.
By questioning sensationalized narratives and seeking factual reporting, individuals can cultivate a more informed and resilient mindset.
As research shows, being an informed citizen is essential in countering the effects of sensationalism.
Mike Pence Once Ratted Out His Fraternity Brothers For Having A Keg
This is literally zero percent shocking. Everything about Mike Pence screams "narc."
newsweek
Sheriff says Atlanta shooting suspect was “fed up” and had a “really bad day”
I've had a LOT of really f**king bad days and have been PLENTY fed up with everything and STILL HAVE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HURTING OTHER PEOPLE.
revolt
White House threatens to fire anyone who tries to quit
I'm not sure that's the power-play they think it is.
americanindependent
Shaquille O'Neal says gorillas freak out when he comes near, and Zoo Miami executive confirms they are intimidated by his large size
O'Neal is an *extremely* large man, I too, would freak out a bit internally if I were to come across him in person.
insider
DoorDash spent $5.5 million to advertise their $1 million charity donation
I feel like they could've just ... donated $6.5 million instead and been good people without needing publicity.
brokeassstuart
Hipster whines at tech mag for using his pic to imply hipsters look the same, discovers pic was of an entirely different hipster
He was a tool before it was popular.
theregister
McDonald's robber demands chicken nuggets, has to accept breakfast food because it was still too early
A McMuffin may not be equivalent to some chicken nuggies, but apparently, it'll do in a pinch.
foxnews
Amazon admits its drivers sometimes have to pee in bottles
Another reason on a long list to stop supporting Amazon.
arstechnica
Facebook wants to attract young people, but Gen Z teens say it's a 'boomer social network' made for 'old people'
Hahaha, get rekt Boomers. (Also, as a millenial, ouch.)
insider
People no longer believe working hard will lead to a better life, survey shows
Maybe because we've freaking lived it for decades with no change.
abc
Arizona plans to execute prisoners with the same deadly gas used by the Nazis at Auschwitz, documents show
Excuse me, they plan to WHAT?
insider
Parents Want High School Principal Removed For Listening To IRON MAIDEN; Students Rally Behind Her
Why are people so eager to be angry or offended about everything?
loadedradio
Mark Zuckerberg Says Meta Employees “Lovingly” Refer to Him as “The Eye of Sauron”
My dude, it's not as lovingly as you think it is.
consequence
Japan urges its young people to drink more to boost economy
I mean, Japan will be having bigger issues than how much people drink in less than a generation.
bbc
Don't eat or inject yourself with disinfectant, warns FDA commissioner
That is the face of a man completely fed up with all the bullsh*t.
cnn
FDA: Do not cook chicken in NyQuil
Man, the poor FDA has had to make some really obvious announcements to keep people from poisoning themselves recently.
wfsb
Gay men have taken over the Proud Boys Twitter hashtag
Honestly, bless all gay men.
cnn
Philadelphia Flyers Mascot Gritty on His ‘Abbott Elementary’ Cameo: ‘I’m Not in the Business of Explaining Myself’
We stan Gritty
variety
Somali Militant Group Al-Shabaab Announces Ban On Single-Use Plastic Bags
In addition to banning plastic bags, the group also issued an immediate ban on the logging of indigenous trees.
pedestrian
Woman Named Marijuana Pepsi, Who Refused To Change Her Name, Earns Her Ph.D After Completing Dissertation On Black Names
I am being 100% sincere when I say: Way to kick ass, Dr. Marijuana Pepsi Vandyck.
blavity
US Military Could Lose Space Force Trademark to Netflix Series
And here I didn't think the "Space Force" could be more embarrassing.
cbr
Passenger turned away from two flights after wearing 10 layers of clothing to avoid luggage fee
So what's the sweet spot then - 3, or 4 layers of clothes?
telegraph
Reddit CEO tells user, “we are not the thought police,” then suspends that user
Do...do they not see the irony?
arstechnica
OKC jailers face cruelty charge; playing 'Baby Shark' on loop is 'inhuman,' prosecutor says
Can children also face cruelty charges for playing 'Baby Shark' on repeat? Asking for all the parents of young kids...
tulsaworld
UPS Loses Family's $846K Inheritance, Offers to Refund $32 Shipping Fee
I wonder if they bought insurance for the package?
newsweek
Coronavirus homeschooling: 77 percent of parents agree teachers should be paid more after teaching own kids, study says
And yet...
foxnews
J.K. Rowling's new book, about a character accused of transphobia, raises eyebrows
Wont somebody think of the TERF's feelings?!
npr
People Are Accusing Robinhood Of Stealing From The Poor To Give To The Rich After It Limited Trading On GameStop Shares
That's not how Robin Hood's story goes.
buzzfeednews
Hiker lost on mountain for 24 hours ignored calls from rescuers because he didn’t recognize phone number
My god, I would likely end up doing the same gotdang thing.
whdh
White House: 'The science should not stand in the way' of reopening schools – as it happened
I really don't understand why the leadership in the U.S. has been so eager to let everyone suffer and die with no remorse.
theguardian
‘Black Mirror’ Creator Says the World Is Too Bleak Right Now for Season 6 to Happen
Thanks, I guess?
indiewire
A YouTuber got the inflammatory right-wing commentator Katie Hopkins to fly to Prague to pick up a fake award whose initials spelled out the C-word
Pieters and Manners awarded Hopkins the Campaign to Unify the Nation Trophy.
insider
North Korean Founder Kim Il Sung Did Not Have the Ability to Teleport, State Media Admits
An interesting turn of events for North Korea.
rfa
Baby Boomers Are More Sensitive Than Millennials, According To The Largest-Ever Study On Narcissism
I have a feeling that Baby Boomers are going to take issue with this.
insidermag
Never Forget The CEO Who Bashed Millennials Over Entitlement Despite Being Handed Job By Dad
It can be really hard to see past the Nepotism.
pedestrian
After permit approved for whites-only church, small Minnesota town insists it isn't racist
Mmm, their insistence doesn't seem to hold much weight.
nbcnews
A zoo has been trying to get two pandas to mate for 10 years. When coronavirus shut the zoo down, the pandas finally did
Obviously, they just wanted some PRIVACY. Not everyone is into being watched, y'know.
cnn
Phew, sh*ts been crazy the last few years, yall. And just to reiterate: the headlines shared are all totally real, we even linked to the original article under each picture.
Which of the headlines we shared were the most surprising to you? Have you come across a headline that you needed to do a double-take to make sure it wasn’t from a satire website?
Drop a comment to let us know about it! And be sure to give your friends a break from their daily to-do lists and share this with them for an entertaining break.
Psychological Analysis
This phenomenon illustrates the impact of sensationalism on public perception and the importance of critical engagement with news content.
By fostering media literacy and encouraging thoughtful discussions, individuals can better navigate the complexities of today's information landscape.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Understanding the psychological dynamics behind sensationalized news is crucial for navigating today's media landscape.
Research highlights the importance of critical engagement, media literacy, and diverse news consumption in fostering informed citizens.
Ultimately, cultivating a discerning mindset can help individuals navigate the complexities of modern journalism more effectively.
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Understanding the absurdities in modern media requires a critical lens that engages with the complexities of information dissemination.
By fostering media literacy, we can better navigate the landscape of contemporary news and its implications.
