Experts Reveal The Top 12 Reasons Why Women Cheat
Why do women cheat?
When it comes to cheating, we all immediately think of men, but let's see what the research says. To everyone's surprise, recent studies indicate that the gap between genders is closing, particularly among younger generations.
A notable study conducted by The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University examined individuals with an average age of 31 and discovered that there was no significant difference between men and women when it came to admitting infidelity. Specifically, 23 percent of men and 19 percent of women reported cheating.
Similarly, the General Social Survey (GSS) from 2018, conducted by the National Opinion Research Center, revealed that women aged 18 to 29 were marginally more likely to be unfaithful compared to men of the same age; 11 percent of women admitted to infidelity, compared to 10 percent of men.
Furthermore, the GSS data illustrated that the rate of infidelity among women increased by nearly 40 percent between 1990 and 2010, while the rate for men remained relatively stable at 21 percent.
This trend leads to questions about what drives women to cheat and how these motivations may differ from men. Exploring these factors can provide insights into preventing infidelity in relationships, helping partners better understand each other's needs.
Why do women cheat?
Some suggest that the rise in infidelity among women in recent years can be connected to the evolving roles and responsibilities of modern women. As women take on more in their personal and professional lives, their needs and desires have expanded, and they may be less willing to settle for unfulfilling relationships.
The growing influence of feminist ideals and greater financial independence have also played a role in empowering women to make choices that prioritize their own emotional and sexual satisfaction. With this increased autonomy, women can step away from traditional expectations and seek fulfillment outside their primary relationships if those needs aren't being met.
Marriage and sex therapist Angela Skurtu M.Ed, LMFT explained, "The gap shifted when women went to work and had their own money and choices; with choice comes easier dissatisfaction. We also expect a lot more out of marriage now.
Before, marriage was a vehicle to raise your family and be taken care of financially. Now, we expect happiness, good sex, best friends, and more out of it.
We have put a lot of pressure on marriage when it wasn't originally designed to meet all your needs."
12 Factors that can lead women to cheat
Experts reveal 12 typical reasons behind why women cheat, offering their insights on each one.
Dissatisfaction in relationship
This idea serves as a central theme behind many motivations for infidelity. According to Skurtu, dissatisfaction often marks the beginning of the issue.
"People rationalize it by saying, 'We’re going through a rough patch,'" she explains. When an opportunity arises, rather than stopping before things escalate, they justify crossing a line by thinking, "My partner doesn’t care anyway; it’s harmless."
With each boundary crossed, the person must first rationalize their actions internally, which allows them to compartmentalize the behavior. A lack of fulfillment in a relationship can push someone to seek satisfaction elsewhere, or they may even use infidelity, consciously or not, as a way to initiate the end of the relationship.
Low self-esteem
When a woman experiences low self-worth, she might seek validation and attention from external sources that she and her partner are unable to provide. As Skurtu explains, "Low self-esteem starts out looking like, 'Why would anyone find me attractive?' Then when someone starts to show that attention, it feels really good."
A woman who engages in infidelity may turn to affairs as a way to affirm her value or attractiveness. When one affair ends, it can leave her feeling neglected or unimportant, leading her to seek out a new romantic interest, thus perpetuating a continuous cycle.
Emotional starvation
While research indicates that men who cheat are often driven by sexual motives, women typically cheat to satisfy an emotional void. In the case of an emotional affair, sex may not even be involved.
Whether the affair is physical or purely emotional, a woman might stray because she seeks something missing in her current relationship, be it conversation, empathy, respect, admiration, affection, or support.
"Some people convince themselves emotional is not a real affair. However, most sexual ones start emotional," Skurtu explains. "I find it pretty rare to have an only sexual affair without some emotions because they usually start as friends.
That's how you start crossing boundaries and justify the behavior."
Anger or retribution
Some women begin a relationship with an unrealistic, idealized vision of how their partner should act. When their partner fails to live up to these high expectations and cannot fulfill all of their needs and desires, it can lead to a rift in the relationship, which might push them toward infidelity.
In other cases, women may harbor resentment toward their partner for a different reason, such as a past affair, and may use their own infidelity as a form of revenge.
Lack of excitement
You've probably heard the term "serial cheaters"; individuals who cheat not out of a lack of love for their partner, but because they crave the excitement and rush of new romantic interactions. These people may still care deeply for their significant other, but the thrill and endorphin boost that come with the novelty of a new relationship can be irresistible.
"I think as a society we don't honestly address how boring work and family life can be at times," says Skurtu. "I was recently watching the show Good Girls, and they turn to street crimes.
It's addressing the same thing: boredom. I feel people are more likely to cheat than to get involved in crimes, but it's the same premise."
Sexual deprivation
Despite our best efforts to keep the excitement alive, the initial thrill of a new relationship inevitably fades over time. Predictability and routine often replace the spontaneity and intensity of intimacy.
It’s no surprise, then, that some women who cheat do so because they miss the excitement and passion that characterize the early stages of a relationship before routine takes over. Skurtu points out that this has historically been a common motivator for male infidelity: "It might have been an expectation that at a certain point, sex was not a big part of marriage so cheating was a necessary evil."
Midlife crisis
While midlife crises are typically associated with individuals between the ages of 35 and 60, they are often less about age and more about significant life events. Experiences such as the loss of a parent or reaching a milestone birthday can spark a midlife crisis in women.
This crisis can lead them to grapple with the societal expectation that they should "have it all"; a thriving career, a supportive partner, loving children, and more. "People think, 'I only have so much time left.
What am I doing with my life?'" explains Skurtu. In response, a woman may behave in ways that are out of character as she strives to achieve her full potential and make up for perceived lost time.
An underlying condition
According to Block, there is a strong link between depression and infidelity. "An affair is exciting, so much so that the brain can begin to pump out dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin; neurotransmitters we produce when we’re attracted to someone, but which, not so coincidentally, are the same chemicals produced when we take antidepressants," he explains.
This means that a woman engaging in an affair might unknowingly be using infidelity as a form of self-medication, seeking emotional relief through the pleasure it brings, even if she isn't fully aware of the underlying reason.
Opportunity
Skurtu suggests that most instances of infidelity are not premeditated but arise from unforeseen opportunities. "They feel down and another person in a similar situation crosses their path.
They start commiserating, and then it moves on from there," she explains. In such cases, people often struggle to pinpoint why the infidelity occurred.
"It sort of just happens, even though, really, there are specific moments of truth that can make or break the potential affair." These 'chances' also extend into the digital world.
Social media, dating apps, and texting have made it easier than ever to connect with others, sometimes unintentionally paving the way for an affair, even if the initial conversations seem harmless.
Numbing difficult feelings
People often develop various coping mechanisms to handle difficult emotions, sometimes opting for strategies that numb their feelings rather than confronting them directly. Sex, drugs, alcohol, and other addictive or compulsive behaviors are just some examples of these methods.
"An affair is an escape from reality," explains Skurtu. "When women struggle to be honest about what they want with their partners and instead seek out a fantasy world that not only numbs but creates an amazing jolt to the system, there's an adrenaline rush to cheating."
Typically, the most common reasons women cheat stem from unmet needs in the relationship. Focusing on strengthening your connection and ensuring that both partners' needs are fulfilled is crucial for maintaining a healthy and committed partnership.
And remember, cheating can never be justified, so it's always better to end your current relationship before you start a new one.
Filip
