Woman Labeled As Selfish After Refusing To Adopt Her Terminally Ill Sister's Children After She Passes On

OP did not make this impossible decision lightly, but she is still wondering if she's an a**hole for saying no to her sister's last wish.

Jesse

Published in Interesting
26 Feb 2022

Woman Labeled As Selfish After Refusing To Adopt Her Terminally Ill Sister's Children After She Passes On

OP (original poster) has a sister who was recently diagnosed with brain stem glioma. Her doctors say that due to its size and location, it is inoperable.

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They are unsure how long her sister has left to live, but the nature of her disease means her lifespan has significantly decreased. Currently, OP's sister is already experiencing the side effects of her condition.

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The problem is that the sister has three young kids; the firstborn is six years old, the next is a two-year-old toddler, and the youngest is a newborn baby. She has asked OP to adopt all three of her children when her inevitable death comes.

Her sister's ex-husband refuses to take in the children because the sister cheated on him multiple times while they were together, meaning the kids are not his. OP's sister doesn't know who the fathers of her children are, and the sisters have no other family, which leaves everything up to OP.

OP and her husband are child-free by choice. They have decided to say no to the sister's demands, and OP gave her four reasons why she can't adopt the kids.

First, it would be unfair to ask her husband to suddenly care for three children when they entered the marriage with the understanding that they would not have kids. If OP makes the decision to adopt the kids, they would likely divorce.

Second, OP's sister is religious while OP is an atheist. One of the sister's wishes is for her children to grow up knowing God and to diligently attend church, which is not plausible for OP.

The third reason is that OP lives in a different country where the primary language is English. OP comes from a country where English is not the primary language, which means the children will have a harder time coping.

The last reason she cited is their lack of relationship. They haven't spoken to each other since the sister moved out when she was 18, except for meeting once during their parents' funeral.

The sisters have no relationship to speak of, and OP's memories of her sister are not fond. She also hasn't met the kids since they were born.

The desperate mother cried and called OP awful.

OP is standing firm on her choice because she knows how big of a commitment it is to raise children. Additionally, OP doesn't feel like it's her job to save her sister from her bad decisions, and she truly feels that she doesn't owe her anything.

The desperate mother cried and called OP awful.

These are tough enough ages as it is.

Why would an atheist want to raise religious children?

"I don't feel like I owe her anything."

The sister's friends disagree with OP's 'selfish' choice not to adopt the kids.

OP has even generously offered to pay for the kids' DNA testing to trace their fathers, but the sister refused.

OP is not changing her decision.

OP has also discussed this issue with her husband, and he confirmed that he will leave if OP decides to adopt the kids.

She also acknowledged that she will not be a good parent to these children, given her own set of mental health issues.

People did not hesitate to back up OP's decision, and they think she should have gone with the DNA test to find the father of the kids.

It's easy to tell someone to pick up the slack than for you to step up, isn't it?

Why don't the concerned friends take the children in instead?

It's uncalled for to leave nasty voicemails to someone you have never met, but it is easier to shake your fist and loudly complain than to do something about it yourself.

It wouldn't be in the best interest of the children to uproot their entire lives when they have just recently lost their mother.

Take it from an expert.

Children can tell when they are unwanted.

It would cause issues down the line for sure.

That was an unexpected yet not at all unusual piece of information, was it?

The fact that she cheated multiple times has nothing to do with the situation.

From another perspective: this is a desperate cry for help from a dying mother who is looking for the best option for her children.

Still, OP is justified in saying no to what her sister is asking her to do.

If OP hadn't included the fact that her sister has had multiple partners in the past and has no idea who the fathers of the kids are, half of the comments would ask about the dads and why they aren't stepping up.

Asking your sister is understandable, but sending your friends to berate her is harassment.

She did take it too far.

This is a potential way out for OP if the harassing phone calls don't stop.

Oh wow.

The self-righteous friends are too busy virtue signaling from atop their high horses.

Apparently, they can't afford to take in all three children even if they wanted to.

It would be awful for the children to be forced to move to another country and live with a virtual stranger while still mourning their mother.

The friends did not think their plans through.

What made them think OP can afford to raise three children by herself?

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