AITA for Asking My Mom to Stop Smoking Around Me Due to Allergies?

A 28-year-old singer is trying to live her life while her mom is chain-smoking like it’s a competitive sport. And when the smoke is literally making her eyes water and her nose run, it stops being “just a habit” and starts feeling like an ongoing problem she can’t escape.

The mom has smoked her entire adult life, even during pregnancy, and recently ramped it up to nearly two packs a day. OP says she’s asked repeatedly for no smoking around her because she has allergies, and the doctor has warned her that secondhand smoke triggers everything. But every time OP brings it up, her mom blows up, calling it judgment and acting like OP is accusing her of being a bad person.

Now the whole argument is stuck on one question: is OP being unreasonable, or is her mom ignoring the one boundary that actually matters?

Original Post

So, my mom has smoked her entire adult life, she even smoked when she was pregnant with me. Recently she’s been smoking a lot more, she says it’s due to stress, but I truly am worried.

She is smoking almost 2 packs per day like it’s bad. I am also a singer and I can’t have too much secondhand smoke around me due to that and the doctor told me I have an allergy.

I told her multiple times that I don’t want her smoking around me due to the doctor telling me it’s causing my allergies and she gets insanely pissed. All I tell her is that I am worried about her and that I don’t want to be smoked around because it’s making my nose run and eyes water.

She told me that I am passing judgement on her and that I’m saying she’s a bad person because I told her I don’t want to be smoked around. I don’t think I am passing judgement and my friends don’t think so either, but it bothers me that she thinks that I’m passing judgement on her.

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This feels like the rift between sisters after a parenting seminar turned into a full-on feud over discipline methods, even when someone skipped.

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OP is just trying to sing without her allergies turning into a full-time performance, but her mom hears “please don’t smoke near me” as “you’re a terrible person.”

When the smoking jumps to almost two packs a day, the allergy issue stops being theoretical and becomes an everyday, eye-watering reality for OP.

Every time OP repeats that she’s worried and doesn’t want to breathe the smoke, the conversation turns into a fight instead of a compromise.

Even though OP’s friends think she’s not judging, her mom keeps insisting OP is passing judgment, and that’s where the tension really locks in.

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!

Nobody should have to choose between breathing and singing, but this family keeps acting like that’s the whole point.

For another blowup over family rules, read what happened when I confronted my sister-in-law’s child discipline.