AITA for giving dating advice to a friend while their crush is secretly in love with me?

It started with a harmless night out and a “just tell him what you want” kind of conversation. Then the feelings got messy, fast.

OP, a 27-year-old woman, has been friends with Sam, 29, for years. Recently, Sam confessed he had a crush on Alex, 28, their mutual friend. Alex has always been flirty with OP, but she never clocked it as anything more. So when Sam asked for dating advice, she gave him tips on how to ask Alex out, thinking she was helping her friend move things forward.

Only after that night out, Alex confessed feelings for OP, not Sam, leaving her stuck wondering if her “help” just set off a friendship bomb. Here’s the full story.

Original Post

I (27F) have been friends with Sam (29M) for years. Recently, Sam opened up about having a crush on our mutual friend, Alex (28M).

Alex has always been flirty with me, but I never read into it. Sam asked for advice on asking Alex out, so I gave some tips.

However, after a night out, Alex confessed feelings for me, not Sam. Now I feel stuck, realizing that giving advice could lead to hurting Sam.

So AITA for giving dating advice to Sam, knowing Alex's true feelings for me?

The Complicated Love Triangle

This situation is a classic case of a love triangle gone wrong. The OP's intention to help Sam navigate her crush on Alex seems noble at first. However, the twist of Alex secretly harboring feelings for the OP complicates things immensely. It raises questions about loyalty and whether the OP should prioritize her friend's feelings or her own potential romance.

This conflict is relatable, as many have found themselves torn between friendship and romantic interest. It’s a delicate balancing act, and the OP's decision to offer advice without full disclosure adds another layer of tension. Should she have kept quiet about Alex's feelings to avoid hurting Sam? Or is it more important to be honest, even at the risk of complicating friendships?

Comment from u/MochaDreamer03

Comment from u/luna_stardust247

Comment from u/sunny_sideup88

Sam asked for advice on asking Alex out, and OP leaned in with tips like it was totally normal friend business.

Meanwhile, Alex kept being flirty with OP, and the clues only looked obvious in hindsight after his confession.

Also, check out the AITA best-friend advice drama with strong feelings.

The Community's Divided Opinions

The Reddit community's reaction to this post is fascinating, showcasing the spectrum of opinions on friendship and romantic ethics. Some users are calling the OP out for potentially leading Alex on, while others sympathize with her predicament. It’s interesting to see how personal experiences shape readers' views on what the OP should do.

For those who value honesty, the OP's dilemma strikes as an ethical conundrum. However, many empathize with Sam and argue that the OP should have taken her feelings into account before giving advice. This divergence in perspectives highlights how nuanced relationships can be, and how one person's actions can have ripple effects on others in their social circle.

Comment from u/taco_tuesday11

Comment from u/sugarplumfairyyy

After the night out, everything flipped, because Alex’s feelings were aimed at OP, not the guy who just got her matchmaking guidance.

Now Sam is stuck in the middle, and the comments are split on whether OP should have known better before giving advice.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

Final Thoughts

This story encapsulates the messy interplay between friendship and romantic attraction, leaving readers to ponder the right course of action. Should the OP have prioritized her friend's feelings, or is honesty the best policy even when it might hurt someone? How would you handle a situation like this? Would you risk a friendship for a chance at love?

The Bigger Picture

In this tangled scenario, the original poster's desire to help her friend Sam with dating advice reflects a common instinct to support those we care about. However, the unexpected revelation that Alex has feelings for her complicates matters significantly, creating a dilemma between loyalty to Sam and her own romantic interests. The emotional stakes are high, as the OP grapples with the possibility that her actions, intended to be helpful, could lead to hurt feelings and a rift in their friendship. This situation underscores the delicate balance between honesty and protecting a friend's feelings in the realm of romantic entanglements.

Sam might have wanted a plan, but OP accidentally handed him a heartbreak script.

Wait until you read how advising a friend to confess backfired when you had feelings too. this AITA love-triangle confession.