10 Men Confess To All The Ways They Were Bad Boyfriends After Having Time To Reflect

Some breakups leave both people with a long list of regrets, and this Reddit thread is full of men admitting they were the problem.

It started when one user asked men to look back at past relationships and own up to the ways they were bad boyfriends. From there, the replies turned into a mix of awkward honesty, embarrassing memories, and a few hard lessons that clearly stuck.

The confessions get more uncomfortable as they go, and one story about a broken-down car is especially rough.

#1 "One of the things she told me after we broke up was that dating me felt more like being a mother than being a girlfriend, and I dwell on that a lot." - Ian1732

#2 "I’m starting therapy next week."

"Not opening up enough, saying “I love you”, or being emotionally 100% in. I’ve been in 3 or 4 relationships up to 1 year in length, but I’ve never been in love, although they have. I’ve always been a “good” boyfriend, but I’ve never been able to give all that I want to give and fully commit. I always thought about buying “just because flowers” on my way to their apt but never did, because it felt too serious. I always wanted to say “I love you” but I never felt like it was 100% genuine, or maybe I just wasn’t ready for the implications (i.e. that this is now a very serious relationship and we now have to get married or go through a devastating break up). I don’t know. I don’t think I have a good understanding of what being in love truly means.

I’m starting therapy next week to try to figure out how I can get over this hump and be the boyfriend (or husband) I want to be." - apv97

That one hit a little too close to home for a lot of readers.

Research in social psychology indicates that self-reflection can lead to significant personal growth and improved relational dynamics.

#3 "I was codependent." - mrpants07

#4 "I should have just left."

"For most of my early relationships, I was at my worst when I realized that the relationship was going to end. When I sensed that one or both of us had fallen out of love or was no longer invested in the relationship, instead of just breaking up like I should, I started doing sh*tty things. Like with one woman who cheated on me, I started going through her phone while she was asleep.

I realize now that if my trust issues were that bad, I should have just left. With someone else, I could tell that she had lost interest and was looking for the right time to break up with me, so I did things that made it harder for her to leave, like making serious/expensive plans with her months in advance. I should have just let her go. And at least once, when I knew I was no longer in love and wanted to leave, I stayed just because the sex was good. I still feel really bad about that because I was basically just using her for sex and I think she knew and just let it happen because she didn’t want me to leave." - EdgyGoose

That kind of honesty is hard to read, but it is the point of the thread.

#5 "I lied to avoid conflict."

"A couple of my previous partners refused to ever “lose” an argument. They would scale up the argument until I caved. This conditioned me pretty early on to avoid conflict at all costs, which led to some pretty unhealthy relationships. And going along with that, I was dishonest at times. I lied to avoid conflict, sometimes about really trivial things.

I’ve been working on un-learning all of that. My policy with my current SO is to just be honest about everything, even if it’s something she doesn’t want to hear. It makes things so much simpler." - relationship author

#6 "I have a really hard time saying the words 'I love you.'”

"From what I’ve experienced this is a pretty common problem, but I have a really hard time saying the words “I love you.” In my household these words were very taboo and I never said them or had them said to me.

At 17 had my only real relationship, we were together 4 years, and among a few things I know I could’ve done better reflecting on it now, initiating saying those words I found impossible. If she said it I could, but I could never just.. say it on my own.

I still find it impossible to say, to anyone. it’s the only thing that I just, choke up at and say “ahh.. umm. Yeah..” every time.

She voiced her concern at it and I acknowledged it, and told her I had a hard time saying it. She mostly understood as she knew my childhood background well, but that’s not enough. You need to know your partner loves you.

We grew apart from other reasons, but my lack of showing compassion/ visibly putting in effort surely sped things along. Still feels bad." - OriginsDark

And if you think honesty always helps, the friend who gave blunt dating advice and triggered a breakup will make you rethink it.

Some of these replies are less dramatic, but they still sting.

#7

"If my wife knew how I treated some of my ex girlfriends I don’t think she would have married me. Some of it was youth but a lot of it was me only thinking about myself. Before my wife and I got married, we were going down the same familiar path to destruction and she asked me if I realized I didn’t care about anyone as much as I cared about myself. I don’t think I would have ever changed if she hadn’t said that." - Jsr5yb

#8 "I got into that relationship for the wrong reasons."

"At a young age, I found myself in a relationship more for the status it provided than for genuine affection. It was about feeling less lonely and having someone to share physical affection with. While I appreciated her as a friend, I now realize that my motivations were misguided."

#9 "I led her on."

"I’m usually a decent boyfriend, but I have had episodes of insecurity, clingyness and being emotionally unintelligent that ended up hurting my partner.

My first long relationship ended on a bad note because I was too much of a wuss to break up when I saw it wasn’t working anymore, so we kept it going until we snapped and it ended in tears and slammed doors.

Also this summer I was an asshole to a girl that really wanted to be with me, but I only saw her as a rebound. I didn’t treat her like sh*t, but I found myself being emotionally distant and not affectionate enough as I would be to someone I really like. Even though she knew what I felt, I still feel like I led her on and should’ve just stayed single.

Those are 2 episodes I’m really ashamed of, the rest were just awkward moments of me being an bumbling idiot. Thesr happened very often in bed." - Frakhtal098

#10 "I was dismissive, rude, and manipulative."

"I was a coercive, entitled prick to my girlfriends in high school. I was dismissive, rude, and manipulative. I felt that they owed me things in exchange for my attention, and got angry when they didn’t give me those things.

It took a group of close friends who were willing to call me out on my behavior and years of therapy to realize how much of an a**hole I was. This journey has honestly been the best thing I could’ve done because it helped me learn to be…a functional, healthy human being.

I’m not perfect, I won’t ever be perfect, but I am better than I was. That’s the best that I can hope for."

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Reflective practices can provide valuable insights into one’s past behaviors and decisions, particularly in romantic relationships.

Moreover, unaddressed issues from previous relationships often resurface when individuals enter new ones.

Accountability is vital in fostering personal growth and improving relationships.

In fact, studies show that individuals who take responsibility for their actions are more likely to experience positive changes in their future relationships.

This process not only enhances self-awareness but also builds trust with future partners.

The confessions from these ten men provide a profound insight into the complexity of romantic relationships.

The confessions of these men reveal a crucial aspect of personal growth: the transformative power of regret. By openly reflecting on their past behaviors, they not only confront their shortcomings but also pave the way for meaningful change. This process of acknowledgment is not merely self-criticism; it is a vital step toward cultivating accountability and improving future relationships.

The men’s willingness to share their experiences suggests a recognition that past mistakes can serve as valuable lessons. This introspection can be likened to therapeutic practices that encourage reframing negative experiences. By viewing their previous actions through a lens of growth, they can enhance their relational skills and avoid repeating the same patterns in future relationships.

In summary, recognizing and addressing past relationship behaviors is vital for personal development.

These confessions are messy, but at least they are honest.

After reading Ian1732’s “mother, not girlfriend” confession, see the AITA verdict on refusing to let a boyfriend keep a neglected adopted cat.