10 Men Confess To All The Ways They Were Bad Boyfriends After Having Time To Reflect

Usually, when a relationship ends, there is more than one person to blame. It can be a mutual decision to end things, or a combination of bad behavior from both sides. But human nature tends to make us ignore our own wrongdoing (if there is any), and focus solely on the other person's imperfections.

Well, recently Reddit user u/Cartoons4adults decided to challenge this mentality, asking men in particular, “Looking back at your past relationships, how have you been a sh*tty boyfriend?”

He also shared his own story of how he came to realize that he personally had been a rather "sh*tty boyfriend" to an ex. He described her as a "patient angel."

"One of the more memorable moments I’m hung up on that I look back on in disgust is this one time where she was driving to my house and her car broke down in the middle of the street late at night by the 7/11 that was a 5-minute walk from my house or a 2 MINUTE DRIVE from my house. She called me with concern in her voice, almost trembling, saying she needed help pushing her car off the street. I told her to put it in neutral and push it to the side then to call a tow truck or something.

I’m so ashamed to say that she complied with what I said in the sweetest and most understanding “okay” I’ve ever heard.

The reason I didn’t want to go and help was because I was f*cking playing ranked Gears of War...can you believe that sh*t? What’s worse, is that I justified my decision by telling myself that she’s a grown woman and should be able to handle it herself…man, if I could go back and kick my ass...Luckily some stranger was kind enough to help her get it off the street. She then proceeded to wait for both her dad and the tow truck all while she was texting me at home…2 minutes away. I’ve reflected and grown as a person since then, but man I still can’t believe how sh*tty that was of me."

Yep, that was pretty sh*tty! But, hey, props to him for realizing he needed to change and (hopefully) doing so.

It also seems he isn't the only one, with may other men responding to the thread with their own stories.

Scroll down to read through ten of the best!

#1 "One of the things she told me after we broke up was that dating me felt more like being a mother than being a girlfriend, and I dwell on that a lot." - Ian1732

#2 "I’m starting therapy next week."

"Not opening up enough, saying “I love you”, or being emotionally 100% in. I’ve been in 3 or 4 relationships up to 1 year in length, but I’ve never been in love, although they have. I’ve always been a “good” boyfriend, but I’ve never been able to give all that I want to give and fully commit. I always thought about buying “just because flowers” on my way to their apt but never did, because it felt too serious. I always wanted to say “I love you” but I never felt like it was 100% genuine, or maybe I just wasn’t ready for the implications (i.e. that this is now a very serious relationship and we now have to get married or go through a devastating break up). I don’t know. I don’t think I have a good understanding of what being in love truly means.

I’m starting therapy next week to try to figure out how I can get over this hump and be the boyfriend (or husband) I want to be." - apv97

Research in social psychology indicates that self-reflection can lead to significant personal growth and improved relational dynamics. A study from the University of Michigan found that individuals who engage in honest self-assessment tend to develop better emotional intelligence, fostering healthier relationships.

Furthermore, understanding one's past behaviors, particularly the impact of those actions on others, can catalyze positive change. By encouraging men to reflect on their actions, they're not only accountable but also can learn empathy, which is crucial for future relationships.

#3 "I was codependent." - mrpants07

#4 "I should have just left."

"For most of my early relationships, I was at my worst when I realized that the relationship was going to end. When I sensed that one or both of us had fallen out of love or was no longer invested in the relationship, instead of just breaking up like I should, I started doing sh*tty things. Like with one woman who cheated on me, I started going through her phone while she was asleep.

I realize now that if my trust issues were that bad, I should have just left. With someone else, I could tell that she had lost interest and was looking for the right time to break up with me, so I did things that made it harder for her to leave, like making serious/expensive plans with her months in advance. I should have just let her go. And at least once, when I knew I was no longer in love and wanted to leave, I stayed just because the sex was good. I still feel really bad about that because I was basically just using her for sex and I think she knew and just let it happen because she didn’t want me to leave." - EdgyGoose

#5 "I lied to avoid conflict."

"A couple of my previous partners refused to ever “lose” an argument. They would scale up the argument until I caved. This conditioned me pretty early on to avoid conflict at all costs, which led to some pretty unhealthy relationships. And going along with that, I was dishonest at times. I lied to avoid conflict, sometimes about really trivial things.

I’ve been working on un-learning all of that. My policy with my current SO is to just be honest about everything, even if it’s something she doesn’t want to hear. It makes things so much simpler." - Dr. John Gray, relationship author

#6 "I have a really hard time saying the words 'I love you.'”

"From what I’ve experienced this is a pretty common problem, but I have a really hard time saying the words “I love you.” In my household these words were very taboo and I never said them or had them said to me.

At 17 had my only real relationship, we were together 4 years, and among a few things I know I could’ve done better reflecting on it now, initiating saying those words I found impossible. If she said it I could, but I could never just.. say it on my own.

I still find it impossible to say, to anyone. it’s the only thing that I just, choke up at and say “ahh.. umm. Yeah..” every time.

She voiced her concern at it and I acknowledged it, and told her I had a hard time saying it. She mostly understood as she knew my childhood background well, but that’s not enough. You need to know your partner loves you.

We grew apart from other reasons, but my lack of showing compassion/ visibly putting in effort surely sped things along. Still feels bad." - OriginsDark

#7

"If my wife knew how I treated some of my ex girlfriends I don’t think she would have married me. Some of it was youth but a lot of it was me only thinking about myself. Before my wife and I got married, we were going down the same familiar path to destruction and she asked me if I realized I didn’t care about anyone as much as I cared about myself. I don’t think I would have ever changed if she hadn’t said that." - Jsr5yb

#8 "I got into that relationship for the wrong reasons."

"At a young age, I found myself in a relationship more for the status it provided than for genuine affection. It was about feeling less lonely and having someone to share physical affection with. While I appreciated her as a friend, I now realize that my motivations were misguided," reflects a common sentiment echoed by relationship expert Dr. Alexandra Solomon, who emphasizes that "many young people enter relationships for validation rather than connection."

#9 "I led her on."

"I’m usually a decent boyfriend, but I have had episodes of insecurity, clingyness and being emotionally unintelligent that ended up hurting my partner.

My first long relationship ended on a bad note because I was too much of a wuss to break up when I saw it wasn’t working anymore, so we kept it going until we snapped and it ended in tears and slammed doors.

Also this summer I was an asshole to a girl that really wanted to be with me, but I only saw her as a rebound. I didn’t treat her like sh*t, but I found myself being emotionally distant and not affectionate enough as I would be to someone I really like. Even though she knew what I felt, I still feel like I led her on and should’ve just stayed single.

Those are 2 episodes I’m really ashamed of, the rest were just awkward moments of me being an bumbling idiot. Thesr happened very often in bed." - Frakhtal098

#10 "I was dismissive, rude, and manipulative."

"I was a coercive, entitled prick to my girlfriends in high school. I was dismissive, rude, and manipulative. I felt that they owed me things in exchange for my attention, and got angry when they didn’t give me those things.

It took a group of close friends who were willing to call me out on my behavior and years of therapy to realize how much of an a**hole I was. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher, states, 'The key to a successful relationship is understanding and respect for one another.' This journey has honestly been the best thing I could’ve done because it helped me learn to be…a functional, healthy human being.

I’m not perfect, I won’t ever be perfect, but I am better than I was. That’s the best that I can hope for." - Dr. John Gottman

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The Importance of Reflection in Relationships

Reflective practices can provide valuable insights into one’s past behaviors and decisions, particularly in romantic relationships.

Research in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships indicates that self-reflection is a key component of emotional intelligence, helping individuals recognize patterns that may have contributed to past failures.

Understanding these patterns can pave the way for personal growth and healthier future relationships.

Moreover, unaddressed issues from previous relationships often resurface when individuals enter new ones. According to psychologists, unresolved anger or guilt can manifest in ways that hinder connection and intimacy.

This highlights the necessity of addressing past mistakes openly, allowing for healing and learning.

As noted in a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, emotional processing can lead to better relationship outcomes in the future.

The Role of Accountability in Personal Growth

Accountability is vital in fostering personal growth and improving relationships. A psychologist specializing in relationship dynamics explains that acknowledging one's faults can lead to healthier communication patterns.

In fact, studies show that individuals who take responsibility for their actions are more likely to experience positive changes in their future relationships.

This process not only enhances self-awareness but also builds trust with future partners.

Psychological Analysis

This pattern of reflection indicates a willingness to learn from past mistakes, which is essential for personal development. As individuals recognize their shortcomings, they can make conscious efforts to change, leading to healthier interactions in future relationships.

Encouraging this level of self-awareness is key to breaking cycles of unhealthy behavior and fostering deeper connections.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, reflecting on past relationship behaviors is crucial for emotional growth. By taking accountability for one’s actions, individuals can foster healthier relationships moving forward.

As research suggests, 'Growth comes from understanding and addressing past mistakes, allowing individuals to create stronger, more meaningful connections.'

Understanding the Psychology of Regret

Psychologists emphasize that feelings of regret can serve as powerful motivators for change. Research by Dr. Neal Roese at Northwestern University highlights that reflecting on past mistakes often leads to increased awareness and behavioral adjustments.

By acknowledging their past shortcomings, these men can develop a strong sense of accountability. Therapeutic practices like cognitive-behavioral therapy can help facilitate this process, allowing individuals to reframe negative experiences into learning opportunities, ultimately enhancing their relational skills.

In summary, recognizing and addressing past relationship behaviors is vital for personal development. Engaging in self-reflection not only fosters empathy but also enhances emotional intelligence, as supported by various psychological studies.

By integrating therapeutic techniques and accountability into their lives, individuals can transform regret into growth, leading to healthier future relationships. Ultimately, the journey towards becoming a better partner involves understanding oneself and committing to ongoing personal improvement.