Siblings Put Out An Obituary For Their Minnesota Mom To Shame Her For Neglecting Them As Kids

Kathleen Dehmlow was 80 years old at the time of her passing, but it was the several decades of anguish that she caused two of her children that would have the final say on the woman's life and legacy. Her obituary, which was featured in the Redwood Falls Gazette, was written by her son Jay Dehmalo, 58, with the support of her daughter, Jay's sister, Gina, 60. The obituary was an absolutely brutal roasting of the deceased woman, and that's precisely why it quickly went viral.

What was the most scathing part? Was it "she passed away on May 31, 2018, in Springfield and will now face judgment?" Or perhaps it was "this world is a better place without her?" My vote goes to "she will not be missed."

Such an intense and emotional obituary is both unexpected and leaves the world wondering, "what the heck?" Jay Dehmalo, however, was not embarrassed to discuss his upbringing and what led him and Gina to their public tribute.

I'll drink to that.

Jay Dehmalo / Dailymail

Jay Dehmalo, an Army veteran and former professional boxer, faced significant backlash after sharing a harsh obituary for his mother, but he stands by his decision. In an interview with Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, she noted:

"Family dynamics can be incredibly complex, and sometimes the pain of neglect manifests in unexpected ways. It's important for individuals to express their feelings, even if it seems harsh."

Kathleen's surviving sister, Judy, described her nephew's obituary as 'nasty' and stated it had 'hurt the family tremendously.' However, one must consider the context. According to Jay and Gina, their biological mother, Kathleen, abandoned them after an affair with her brother-in-law, Lyle, resulting in an unexpected pregnancy. They were raised by their maternal grandparents, with few, if any, pleasant memories of their mother.

Jay acknowledges that he and his sister weren't perfect, but their grandparents, Gertrude and Joseph Schunk, provided them with love and care. Still, the family's dysfunction has left a legacy of gossip and conflict. As Dr. Madeline Levine, a child psychologist, explains:

"Children who experience neglect often carry those wounds into adulthood, impacting their relationships and sense of self."

Dailymail

Jay admitted to feeling sad that he was left out of his grandfather's obituary a few years ago, but he understands, to some degree:

They left us out because they were mad at me for borrowing money from my grandparents and not paying them back. It's true. I'd borrowed $200 from my grandfather, and I didn't pay him back. He loved us, but I was a typical teenager growing up.

But the real controversy still comes back to Kathleen and her role as an absentee mother. Kathleen's sister Judy asked, "Why do people want to talk about it? It's not important."

For Jay and Gina, though, it is important. Gina's emotional scars have followed her into adulthood. She's been convicted twice of domestic violence and battery. Jay's response to Judy? "Not important? Sure. They have no idea what we went through, and back then, in the '50s and '60s, nobody talked about anything."

legay.com

For Dehmalo, his perspective was vastly different from that of his family members. He saw Gina and himself as abandoned in Minnesota while their mother was "off having a great life in California with her other kids." Her other kids they didn't even know about until a few years after they were born!

We didn't have so much as a card from her. I remember she came home twice, and on one occasion, she was showing pictures of her and her kids playing cards, drinking beers… Gina and I were standing in the room, just standing there, and she didn't even acknowledge us. It's like we didn't exist.

How can you do that to your own children?

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With context and backstory, suddenly it becomes very clear why Kathleen's obituary was written the way it was.

The real kicker is that the obituary was actually rejected by one Springfield newspaper on the grounds that it was too offensive to print! Gina had the idea for the obituary when she learned from a cousin that Kathleen was on her deathbed, but she hesitated to have it published. Written by Jay, the obituary was published on the Redwood Falls Gazette's website and legacy.com before disappearing a few days after it went viral on the Internet.

At this point, both have no regrets and would do it all over again the exact same way.

The story gained so much traction that videos are even being made about it. Like this one!

While some opinions on the Internet definitely don't side with Jay and Gina (one commenter even called them both "ungrateful" for the greatest gift of all—life), many others who have also grown up in dysfunctional families felt their story resonate, and in the end, everyone just sort of hopes these once-children-now-adults find peace with Kathleen departed from Earth.