Ben Affleck Reveals How A Gay Kiss Made Him Aware Of His ‘Internalized Homophobia’

Think back to when you pushed through a challenge that felt far outside your comfort zone—and surprised yourself in the process. That happened to Ben Affleck when he was starting out. That experience shaped his performance and gave him a clearer picture of who he could become.

Ben Affleck, now 52, is one of Hollywood’s top stars. He’s tackled everything from the heart-tugging drama of Good Will Hunting to the high-stakes thrills of Gone Girl and the superhero showdown in Batman vs Superman. Yet one of his very first roles prompted a profound personal reckoning.

In Kevin Smith’s 1997 indie favorite Chasing Amy, Affleck plays Holden McNeil, a streetwise comic-book artist who falls for his best friend’s girlfriend. Part of that story involves Holden sharing an unexpected kiss with his buddy, played by Jason Lee, and Affleck admits that filming that scene forced him to confront what he calls his “internalized homophobia.”

He explained how hard it was at the time. “I ended up having to confront some of my own internalized homophobia because I found it so difficult to kiss Jason,” he said bluntly. “And I thought, ‘This is really embarrassing. Like, this is some internalized thing because why should that be a difficult thing to do?’”

Ben Affleck admits he struggled with “internalized homophobia” during one of his earliest film roles.

Affleck didn’t just shrug it off, though. Talking about the movie’s themes, he pointed out how it hinted at a broader view of sexuality.

“At the time,” he said, “what I thought about it was that it kind of alluded to a spectrum of sexual orientation. To me, it was very suggestive of the homosexuality between the two friends.”He dug deeper into Holden’s emotions: “You love this other man. We have friendships with men that we love very much. And it was a way of looking at how that could also be similar to homosexual relationships. I thought that was honest.”Miramax

Affleck spoke about the role and its lasting impact as it evolved into a cult classic.

That honesty, Affleck feels, still matters. But he also has a frank takeaway about his performance.

“I still think I did a sh*tty and unconvincing job at it, and I’m disappointed by that,” he admitted.

He’d welcome the chance to revisit that role with the benefit of hindsight.

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Affleck’s Unforgettable Role in Chasing Amy (1997)

At the same time, he’s careful about how queer characters are portrayed on screen. “I don’t want to offend anyone in this direction,” he said, acknowledging how representation has become a hot-button issue.

He’s aware that a straight actor playing a gay role comes with responsibilities, something he’s mindful of today in a way he wasn’t back in the ’90s. Despite his misgivings about his younger self’s performance, Affleck remains proud of Chasing Amy’s trailblazing spirit.

“It was a movie that, at the time, sort of felt like it was pushing some boundaries,” he reflected. “And in retrospect, as often happens, the world has evolved.”Miramax

Understanding Internalized Homophobia

Dr. David McKenzie, a clinical psychologist, emphasizes that internalized homophobia often stems from societal norms and can lead to significant mental health challenges. According to his studies, individuals grappling with these feelings may exhibit self-destructive behaviors, impacting their relationships and self-esteem.

Dr. McKenzie points out that acknowledging and addressing these feelings through therapy can foster healthier self-acceptance. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in helping individuals reframe negative thoughts about their identity, as noted in his work on mental resilience at davidmckenzie.com.

In the context of personal growth and self-awareness, experts recommend engaging in open conversations about sexuality and identity. Dr. Dan Siegel, a well-respected child psychiatrist, advocates for emotional literacy as a means to combat internalized biases. He suggests that recognizing and articulating feelings can lead to better mental health outcomes.

For individuals like Ben Affleck, embracing vulnerability through dialogue can be transformative. Practicing mindfulness and seeking supportive communities can also play vital roles in overcoming internalized homophobia, enabling deeper connections with oneself and others.

Audiences seem to agree. After the interview dropped, social media lit up with praise. One fan wrote, “Love to see healthy masculinity!”

Another added, “Always nice to see when men actually start thinking about WHY they feel the way they do and start working on it.” A third cheerfully declared, “Always love Ben Affleck!!! One of the good ones in Hollywood!”

Others applauded his ongoing introspection and sincerity, with comments like “Good for him to continue to be introspective” and “Honest and heartfelt. Brilliant!”

Affleck’s story shows that growth rarely follows a straight line. Often, it’s triggered by the tiniest moments—a single movie scene, a brief on-screen kiss—and those moments can stay with you for years.

With Chasing Amy, Affleck didn’t just gain another credit; he saw a side of himself he’d never noticed before. Looking back, he’s thankful for that wake-up call.

Psychological Framework & Solutions

Addressing internalized homophobia is a journey that requires self-reflection and open dialogue. Understanding the origins of these feelings can help individuals move toward acceptance. As noted by Dr. Carol Dweck, a leading researcher in motivation, adopting a growth mindset is crucial. This approach allows individuals to view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats to their self-worth.

Support networks, therapy, and educational resources are instrumental in this process. Embracing one's identity fully can lead to richer relationships and a deeper sense of personal fulfillment.