Bratty 19-Year-Old Finally Gets A Lesson On Being An Adult After Trying To Establish Dominance In A House She Doesn't Own

Moving in together is not an uncommon occurrence for long-term couples. In fact, it's an important milestone where both partners can figure out how to co-exist in a shared space.

OP and her boyfriend of three years recently found themselves moving in together rather abruptly. Her boyfriend needed to move in when he was unable to renew his lease due to an increase in his rent.

OP lives in a three-bedroom house with her 11-year-old son. She and her son each have a room, while their guest room remains unoccupied unless her boyfriend's 19-year-old daughter, Jess, comes over on weekends.

Jess and OP started to have problems when OP's boyfriend moved in with her. Jess began to act like a spoiled brat and kept making demands that she expected OP to meet.

For example, she demanded to have a room with an en suite bathroom. The only rooms in the house with an attached bathroom are occupied by OP and her son.

She wanted to have her son's room because "boys do not need bathrooms as much as girls do." When OP said no to that demand, Jess acted even more rudely whenever she was in OP's home.

She tells OP's son what he can and can't watch on TV. She also dictates what snacks he's allowed to eat and cuts him off when he tries to have a conversation with OP, saying that kids are "freaking annoying."

When OP speaks up to defend her son, Jess will either roll her eyes or reply, "I don't believe I was talking to you."

OP got fed up with Jess's attitude and spoke to her boyfriend about his daughter's behavior. OP told him that he should get a handle on his daughter, or she would kick Jess out of the house.

Her boyfriend defended his daughter and asked OP to be more patient with her because she is still adjusting. Apparently, Jess is also having a difficult time living with her mom because they are constantly sniping at each other.

OP said that wasn't her problem and that she wouldn't allow Jess to treat her or her son poorly in their own home. Her boyfriend told OP that he would talk to his daughter about her attitude.

The talk didn't accomplish anything other than Jess confronting OP about it. Jess said she didn't know what game OP was playing and that respect was earned, not given, and she would not respect OP until she proved she was deserving of it.

Jess sauntered to the living room after saying that to the only person standing between her and her father from being homeless. She took the remote control from OP's son, who was watching TV, and told him to move.

OP had enough and told Jess to get out of her house. Jess said she wasn't going anywhere because her dad lived there.

OP called Jess's uncle, who was a cop, and had her escorted from the house. OP's boyfriend said she crossed a line, so OP told him he could leave her house as well.

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He has locked himself in OP's room and refuses to talk to her. You can read the whole messy story below:

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She tried parenting OP's son!

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The Dynamics of Power in Relationships

The struggle for dominance in a shared living space often points to deeper psychological dynamics at play. According to social psychological research, power dynamics can significantly impact interpersonal relationships, especially in situations where individuals are cohabitating without clear boundaries or agreements. Studies by Dr. John R. P. French and Bertram Raven highlight that power can stem from various sources, including coercive, reward, legitimate, referent, and expert forms of power. In the context of this article, the 19-year-old’s attempts to assert dominance may stem from a need to establish her identity and autonomy in a new environment, reflecting not just personal insecurity but also a misunderstanding of the relational balance necessary in adult partnerships.

When individuals feel uncertain about their role in a shared space, they may resort to power plays as a misguided means of asserting control. This is often exacerbated by the realities of dependency—living rent-free can lead to feelings of indebtedness or an ongoing internal conflict between independence and reliance.

Bold, indeed.

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A confrontation, a discussion, and a confrontation:

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Is this irony? It seems ironic.

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Research by Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher, indicates that individuals often adopt behaviors that reflect their perceived social status, which can lead to feelings of entitlement or superiority when they believe they have less to lose. This insight is particularly relevant in the relationship described in the article, where the young woman’s behavior may stem from feelings of insecurity in her new living arrangement. Dr. Gottman emphasizes, "Understanding and addressing these feelings is crucial for both partners to create a more harmonious living environment."

Additionally, relationship expert Dr. Pepper Schwartz highlights that "creating open lines of communication can significantly reduce misunderstandings and foster a sense of shared responsibility." Engaging in constructive dialogues about each person's expectations and contributions can help clarify roles and minimize the likelihood of conflict.

We don't have to wonder who Jess takes after

ChinSpin_1986

OP has to make sure he isn't an official tenant yet, but if that's the case, she can evict him and make his life miserable for a while.

ArcheryOnThursday

Based on what we read, even if there was a relationship to salvage, it's not worth saving.

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Navigating Adult Responsibilities

Transitioning from adolescence into adulthood often brings challenges that can be overwhelming, particularly for young individuals stepping into new living arrangements. Developmental psychologists point out that this transition period is marked by a quest for identity and autonomy, which can sometimes manifest as resistance to authority or established norms. Dr. Jeffrey Arnett, a leading researcher on emerging adulthood, explains that this phase involves a significant amount of exploration and self-discovery, which can lead to friction in cohabitating situations.

For the young woman in this article, her assertive behavior may be more about her struggle to define her adult identity rather than outright defiance. Incorporating strategies that promote self-reflection and responsibility-taking can be beneficial. Encouraging her to articulate her feelings and set personal goals for her contributions to the household could pave the way for healthier interactions.

It would require actual effort on his part, and we don't think he's up for it.

HarlesBronson

How much audacity do you need to have to behave that way towards your very generous host who can literally kick you out whenever she wants?

Therezna

There's such a thing as too late, and OP should really check her state's laws regarding tenancy.

zarp86

One effective strategy for resolving conflicts in shared living situations is the implementation of structured family meetings. According to Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis, marriage therapist, "Regular check-ins can help cohabitants express their needs, set boundaries, and negotiate household responsibilities in a collaborative manner." Such meetings can foster a sense of teamwork and shared purpose, ultimately leading to greater satisfaction for all parties involved. Additionally, involving a neutral third party, such as a therapist or counselor, can facilitate these discussions. As noted by Dr. Sue Johnson, couples therapy pioneer, "Having a neutral facilitator provides a safe space for everyone to express their thoughts without fear of conflict," which can be particularly beneficial in emotionally charged situations where misunderstandings are common.

Remember, OP, if you marry him, you will also tie yourself to a relationship with his god-awful daughter for life.

roamingweak

OP and her son deserve better than living with two parasites who think they're in charge.

Namshoke

She is an adult, and it's sad that she doesn't know any better.

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The Role of Boundaries in Cohabitation

Establishing clear boundaries is imperative in cohabitation, particularly when one party does not contribute financially. According to research in boundary-setting by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, healthy boundaries are essential to maintaining respect and autonomy in relationships. Their work emphasizes that boundaries are not walls but rather guidelines that protect both individuals' rights and needs.

In this situation, it would be beneficial for both the young woman and her partner to collaboratively establish household rules that reflect mutual respect and understanding. This could include discussions on financial contributions, chores, and personal space, which can help create a more balanced and respectful living environment.

She conveniently forgot she was just a house guest.

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If he thinks his daughter isn't doing anything wrong, he should get his own place and let her do whatever she wants there.

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All of this!

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Psychological research highlights the importance of empathy in resolving conflicts and enhancing interpersonal relationships. A study published in the Frontiers in Psychology found that higher levels of empathy were linked to better conflict resolution strategies and healthier relationships. Encouraging both the young woman and her partner to practice empathy—understanding each other's perspectives and feelings—can significantly improve their cohabitation experience.

Engaging in activities that foster empathy, such as role-reversing discussions or guided reflections, can assist in deepening their understanding of one another. This may lead to more compassionate interactions and a shared commitment to nurturing a cooperative living environment.

There's another house guest who needs to meet the curb.

Runswithturnbucklez

Legend has it OP's boyfriend (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) is still holed up in her bedroom. He and Jess acted like kids who held their breath until someone gave them what they wanted.

It's too bad because they finally met someone who won't give in to their demands. We applaud OP for setting clear boundaries and ensuring her son wasn't inconvenienced in his own home by rude house guests.

Psychological Analysis

In this scenario, Jess's behavior seems to stem from a mix of adolescent identity exploration and a lack of understanding about boundaries in adult relationships. Her attempts to assert dominance may reflect her insecurities about her own position in this new living arrangement, as she grapples with the transition from adolescence to adulthood. It's crucial for all parties involved to communicate openly and establish clear boundaries to help lessen the conflict and foster a more respectful cohabitation dynamic.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Recommendations

The dynamics of cohabitation can serve as a microcosm for broader relational themes, including power struggles, identity formation, and the necessity of communication. As noted in various psychological studies, these challenges are not insurmountable but rather opportunities for growth and understanding. With the right strategies in place—such as boundary-setting, empathetic engagement, and structured communication—both parties can learn to navigate their differences and foster a healthier living situation. Ultimately, the goal is to create an environment where both individuals can thrive personally and relationally, reflecting the principles of mutual respect and cooperation.