Woman Asks The Internet To Tell Her If She Was Wrong For Calling Her Brother-In-Law Pathetic Because Of His Weaponized Incompetence

Even though our society has evolved, some gender prejudices are still prevalent everywhere. The hardest one to eradicate is the belief that men are breadwinners while women take care of the kids.

Some men forget that they are parents and reduce their involvement to half an hour of playtime each day (sometimes not even that).

They turn a blind eye to all the work that raising kids involves—feeding, clothing, getting them ready for school, carpooling to different activities and practices…the list is incredibly long.

Even though moms are the best (Hi, mom!), the father’s role is crucial. Yet, men often forget that they are parents.

Furthermore, a parent’s role is much bigger than pretending to be a clown or playing catch. It’s hard to understand how a parent willingly allows his role to be reduced to that of a sperm donor.

A Reddit user posted a question: “AITA For Calling My BIL Out For His Weaponized Incompetence And Calling Him Pathetic At Dinner?” After reading her story, we can say that she had every right to do so, and the Internet completely agrees.

Read her story, and if you have someone close who is facing the same problems, you might find some valuable advice in the replies we’ve selected.

The OP asks:

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OP’s sister is carrying the whole household on her shoulders

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She even earns more than her husband. Her husband is happy with the title "father of five," but doesn't want to help. And he insists on having more kids.

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Weaponized Incompetence: A Psychological Perspective

Weaponized incompetence, a term that describes when individuals feign incompetence to avoid responsibilities, can be deeply frustrating for those around them. Dr. Lisa Chen, a clinical psychologist, explains that this behavior often stems from learned helplessness and a desire to manipulate circumstances to one’s advantage.

Research indicates that individuals who engage in this behavior may not be aware of their patterns, often leading to relational strife and resentment among partners.

The Psychology of Weaponized Incompetence

This scenario brings to light the concept of 'weaponized incompetence,' where individuals may intentionally underperform to avoid responsibilities or expectations. This behavior often stems from learned helplessness, a psychological condition where a person believes they have no control over their situation.

Research from Stanford University indicates that this behavior can arise from childhood experiences where individuals learned that failing to meet expectations could result in avoidance of consequences.

OP’s sister is not considering divorce due to the trauma her parents’ divorce caused her.

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The final straw. Enough is enough.

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Sister appreciates the support, but brother-in-law is furious. And... his mom is moving in to help them!

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This behavior can significantly impact relationships, leading to feelings of anger and helplessness in the other partner. According to studies in relationship psychology, partners who feel burdened by their counterpart's incompetence may experience burnout and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

Understanding the roots of this behavior can help individuals address the underlying issues more effectively, fostering healthier dynamics.

Furthermore, the emotional fallout from such behaviors can be significant, as they often lead to resentment and frustration in relationships. The American Psychological Association suggests that identifying these patterns early can help individuals address underlying issues before they spiral into larger conflicts.

Yes, it all becomes much clearer now.

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Behind every incompetent man, there is a mom who did everything for him. So true.

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The truth hurts sometimes. But it is always very important.

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Communication Strategies for Addressing Incompetence

Addressing weaponized incompetence requires open and honest communication. Dr. Sarah Melton, a relationship expert, emphasizes the importance of expressing feelings without blaming the other person.

Using 'I' statements can help in expressing how the behavior affects one's emotional state, creating a space for dialogue rather than defensiveness.

Addressing Incompetence in Relationships

To combat weaponized incompetence effectively, open communication is vital. Partners should engage in honest dialogues about responsibilities and expectations, promoting accountability.

Psychologists recommend setting clear boundaries and consequences for unmet responsibilities, which can empower individuals to take ownership of their actions.

Yes, Thanksgiving is all about family blowouts.

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A-hole in the best way possible.

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We do need this option. A-holes who fight injustice! Maybe a movie afterward....

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One effective strategy is to set clear expectations and follow through with consequences. This approach fosters accountability and encourages individuals to take responsibility for their actions. Setting boundaries can empower individuals to address the issue without escalating conflict.

Additionally, offering support and resources to help the other person improve their skills can lead to positive changes over time.

Additionally, couples therapy can be a useful resource for addressing these dynamics. A trained therapist can help partners navigate their feelings and develop more constructive patterns of interaction.

Studies show that couples therapy can significantly improve relationship satisfaction by enhancing communication skills and understanding.

This may lead to a positive change.

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Our thoughts exactly—she should let her kids help her.

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Kids need to learn responsibility, and that house chores are part of life. Forever.

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The Role of Empathy in Relationships

Empathy plays a crucial role in understanding each partner's experiences and motivations. Research in interpersonal psychology shows that fostering empathy can lead to more compassionate interactions, even when addressing difficult topics.

In this scenario, recognizing the underlying struggles that lead to weaponized incompetence can create a more supportive environment, allowing for constructive conversations.

Boys need a father figure.

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Some people even suggested a divorce.

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Here is another mother of five. Her husband is doing his part of the house chores.

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Practicing empathy involves actively listening and validating the other person’s feelings, even if their behavior is frustrating. This approach can help build trust and understanding in the relationship, ultimately leading to healthier communication patterns.

One person had a real-life example to share.

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It is important to open the door.

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It's clear that, as a society, we have a lot to learn and implement. Gender equality is not something we should just talk about—we should strive to implement it as well.

Our kids learn from our actions, not our words. The problem with this situation is that the woman keeps quiet to maintain peace in the house.

Unconsciously, she is sending a message to her sons that they shouldn't do anything around the house and that her daughters should do all the work when they get married. Her reluctance to allow the kids to help contributes to the problem.

We hope that things will work out, one way or another.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights a common relational dynamic where individuals may deflect responsibility to avoid conflict. Understanding the underlying motivations for such behaviors can be the first step in addressing them effectively.

Encouraging accountability and open dialogue can help partners navigate these challenges more constructively.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Identifying and addressing weaponized incompetence is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.

By fostering open communication and accountability, partners can create a more balanced dynamic that promotes growth and satisfaction.

Rebuilding Trust After Incompetence

Rebuilding trust after experiencing weaponized incompetence is essential for relationship recovery. Dr. Mark Thompson, an expert in relationship dynamics, suggests that transparency and accountability are key to restoring trust.

Engaging in honest discussions about past behaviors can help partners understand each other and prevent future misunderstandings.

Establishing a plan for improvement can also facilitate rebuilding trust. This plan should include specific actions each partner is willing to take to ensure accountability and support. Regular check-ins can help maintain progress and reinforce commitment to change.

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, addressing weaponized incompetence requires a multifaceted approach that emphasizes communication, empathy, and accountability. By fostering understanding and setting clear expectations, partners can work towards healthier relationship dynamics. Ultimately, it’s about creating a partnership built on mutual respect and support.