A CEO And A Movie Theater Employee's Marriage Is In Tatters After Their Massive Fight Over The Unequal Distribution Of Chores

He insists that he's the breadwinner and can't do any chores after his stressful job at the theater, while she says she's doing too much on top of running her own company.

Jesse

Published in Interesting
5 Apr 2022

A CEO And A Movie Theater Employee's Marriage Is In Tatters After Their Massive Fight Over The Unequal Distribution Of Chores

One thing about adulthood that's not said enough: you spend a lot of hours barely making a dent in your list of chores. This exact topic became the pressure point in this Redditor's marriage.

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OP (original poster) is the CEO and founder of her own start-up, while her husband, John, is an employee at a movie theater. She said that before starting her own company, she and her husband had a similar income; now she earns at least five times more than he does.

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Regarding the chores, even before OP realized it, she was doing most of the housekeeping in their home. Since she enjoys cooking and cleaning, she took it upon herself to keep the house tidy.

Ever since her company started to grow, John began to contribute more to the chores. The movie theater where he works temporarily closed due to the pandemic, and John stayed home the whole time, focusing on the chores, which OP appreciated.

After the theater reopened and John returned to work, he immediately stopped doing most of his chores. Instead of calling him out on it, OP cut him some slack since he comes home from work every day complaining and exhausted.

OP says that after his day at work, John focuses on entertaining himself, ignoring the fact that OP is managing their household on top of running her growing company. OP admits that she can be somewhat of a doormat and didn't bring up these issues to John in order to be kind to him.

She was quietly bottling these feelings up until a few weekends ago when John crossed a line. OP works seven days a week, and John has weekends off.

OP was working while John spent his day playing video games until he realized it was almost time for a meal. He went to OP and asked when lunch would be ready, to which she replied that she was too busy with work and suggested that he could cook for once.

He declined and said it was much easier during his grandfather's time when the homemaker didn't do anything other than her duties.

OP absolutely lost it, and the couple had the biggest screaming match of their relationship. At some point, John called himself the breadwinner of the household, saying that he goes out of the house to work, as opposed to OP working from home to run her company.

OP shut his claims down immediately, citing that she makes so much more money than he does, works longer hours, and still does the chores on top of everything else. She told him to quit his job and focus on homemaking since he's so nostalgic for the simpler times.

She said that even if he were unemployed, literally nothing would change in their finances, and John acted all appalled after hearing all this. Come Monday morning, OP handed John a list of chores.

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Those daily chores take two to three hours to complete, and when he constantly complains, OP's only reply is, "Quit your job." The next day, John told OP he refused to do all the chores she had given him.

She yelled at him until he relented, saying she spent years doing double the chores she had given him on top of her job. She stated that his choice to work an unskilled job for chump change does not excuse him from helping her, the breadwinner, keep their house in shape.

The day after that, OP hid John's PS5 in their safe and changed the combination. OP feels like an a**hole because her actions are so far from her typical personality.

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She feels guilty seeing John mope around like a sad puppy, complaining that he's tired. But she felt like she had no other choice because she couldn't enable John's belief that he's the breadwinner; otherwise, she would lock herself into a life of service to him.

He declined and said it was much easier during his grandfather's time when the homemaker didn't do anything other than her duties.

You can read OP's post below and judge for yourself if she's the a**hole:

"He immediately stopped doing most chores."

"I wanted to be kind."

HER DUTIES. The audacity.

"He acted appalled."

"I locked up his PS5 in the safe and changed the combination."

Someone said that everyone sucks in this situation, as they sound like they're just forcing the incompatible relationship to work.

OP offered more background on how their relationship started to give more context as to why they're still together.

She said she would infinitely be happier if he just quit his job and stayed home to manage their house.

OP also answered some initial comments, saying she's not the a**hole.

OP felt vindicated by all of the comments supporting her.

She finally snapped after years of buried resentment.

Apparently, there was an abundance of horrible relationships on Reddit that day.

She correctly says that it will take more than one Reddit post to untangle this mess.

Some were curious why OP's husband chooses to work at the movie theater.

OP says his degree and work experience didn't open many doors for him.

But she doesn't have a problem with supporting him financially if he just admits that she's the breadwinner and stays home to manage their household.

Another degree holder, similar to OP's husband, said OP should stop making excuses for her husband.

OP should consider protecting her assets in case their relationship doesn't end happily.

OP further shared how the issue of chores became such a significant issue in their relationship.

She also said she didn't enjoy locking up his PS5 because it made her feel like a mom admonishing her teenage son, but it was the only thing that worked.

But a lot of people seem to agree that OP is definitely not an a**hole.

There are no shortages of "souplosers" in this Reddit story.

OP needs to be married to a responsible adult, not raise a whiny teenager.

Soon enough, other people shed some light on why OP is not completely blameless here.

For the most part, she's not at fault, but she was wrong to bottle up her feelings and wait for them to blow up.

However, it's also not her responsibility to "raise" her husband.

The Reddit user further clarified how OP acted like an a**hole.

She was responsible for her emotions and actions, yet she failed to communicate them in a healthy way and instead chose to tamp them down to build resentment.

OP acknowledged how the above comment made her realize she also had faults in the blown-up fight.

She posted an update later on to share her conclusions after reading the comments.

Although she was right to stand up for herself after years of sexism and misogyny from her own husband, she was wrong for not verbalizing her issues sooner until she found a justifiable way to give him a dose of his own medicine.

She said that it is difficult reading everyone's opinions, but it was also helpful.

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