30 Parents Give Compelling Arguments That Children Might Be Evil By Sharing The Creepiest Things Their Kids Have Said
If kids were proven to be evil, that would probably explain a lot.
One viral bedtime story was all it took to send the internet into a full-blown creep-fest. When UK radio producer Dan Schreiber shared something his 3-year-old said, thousands of people jumped in with their own unsettling kid quotes.
That is part of what makes children so unnerving, they are unpredictable, and the things they say can land somewhere between adorable and nightmare fuel. In this roundup, parents share the creepiest things their kids have ever said, and a few of them are hard to shake.
Some of these stories are funny, some are deeply unsettling, and all of them make a strong case for why parents never quite know what is coming next. Read on.
The tweet that started it all:
Schreiberland1. Nope, don't like that.
mitch_r23That first one already sets the tone.
tenor
2. THEM WHO
MarkVent
3. That's nice, dear.
yoffy2909
Pinterest
4. That's at least a little wholesome
InTheButtonJar
5. Well, that sucks.
KWindness
The most common first syllable pronounced by babies is "ma," followed by "pa/ba/ta/da" soon after. For this reason, most languages have a version of "mother" that also begins with the "m" sound.
Famous linguist Larry Trask explained that these earliest articulations (like ma and ba) are probably just playful for the infant "but are interpreted by parents as attempts by the baby to address them." In most cases (but not all), mothers are the early and main caregivers of infants; the first syllable infants almost universally utter was adopted by mothers as an attempt for babies to address them.
Despite what you may see from your own infants (and what you want to see), research suggests that infants begin to understand and respond to words closer to 12 months than anything else. Your 4-month-old infant is adorable, but they're just babbling at you.
6. Again, NOPE. Don't like that. Where can we return children like this?
awpchristie
7. Precious
KLWalpole14
8. That's as beautiful as it is eerie.
NinjaHels
That one is going to stick with people.
tenor
9. As if it isn't bad enough when the parents get creeped out, now kids are creeping out innocent taxi drivers.
treacadelic
10. What a joy it must be to have two children be reincarnations! Not.
MariyaTalib
11. Sure, sure. That makes sense.
ThePiePatch
Research does show that memory development begins in the womb, and toddlers and children are capable of forming memories and holding them for "increasingly longer periods of time." However, memories formed in early childhood fade by adulthood.
It wasn't until the 1980s that we thought toddlers retained memories at all. However, research has transformed a lot since experiments were conducted on infants and object permanence.”
This guilt-fueled dilemma is close to the family rehoming their golden retriever after a biting incident.
12. That's horrifying
lizkybusiness
13. That does sound like something out of a horror movie.
JanetMcKennaLow
14. Good for him.
poppletones
15. Isn't that nice? No.
tracy_coldwell
16. Have I mentioned "I don't like that?" Because I don't.
Finneygook
Some of these kids need to be watched a little more closely.
giphy
17. Well, there's that.
BevPalfreyman
18. WTF indeed
Davidoss
19. In Russia? Wow.
StephenMcGann
That is a lot for one child to say.
gfycat
20. That's traumatic
Bluemoonbud
21. Eerily wholesome
Redheadirish33
22. Oh. Nice...
StarbuckToby
23. "Very Detailed" is what gets me
Callymac
24. That's horrible imagery
ClaireElliott2
By this point, the thread has fully committed to the bit.
giphy
25. Poor Mum
MorganVAB
26. Long Lost Farm
tikasmom
27. Oh, wow.
max_ruthless
28. No thank you, that's creepy.
https://media2.giphy.com/media/l0HlCwr75HFyXb7JC/giphy.gif
colinjbrowne
29. Creepy runs in their family
Leeds_guy
30. Nobody thought to mention this any sooner?
Oi_you_blondie
There's no getting around it; even under the most sentimental of circumstances, the relationship between children and the supernatural is far too creepy not to walk away with a few shivers down your spine. Thank goodness most of the time these sorts of eerie shenanigans don't last, and kids outgrow their connection to the beyond.
For a similar bite-and-boundary clash, read about the parent who asked their cousin to rehome an aggressive dog after it snapped at their child.
