Redditor Asks If He's An A**hole For Asking His Dad To Choose Between Him And Their Extended Family Members

No matter how old we get, it's fair to assume that we will always be our parents' priority, right? After all, that's what being a parent is all about.

But for Reddit user u/Aware_Mirror_1365, that doesn't seem to be the case, and he recently shared his story in the r/AITA (Am I The A**hole?) subreddit. He explained that his father was raised in a very codependent way and needs to see his siblings at least twice every week.

When the OP was in high school, he was made to go with his dad to visit the family all the time. If he didn't go, he would be grounded.

The OP eventually moved away for grad school and was one of the first of his cousins to get married. His wife, Amy, moved away with him for school, and the family was proud and happy for them.

When Amy got into medical school, the OP returned the favor and moved with her. However, his parents weren't as impressed by that scenario.

The OP's aunt, Sarah, sent horrible messages to Amy, telling her that a woman's place was by her husband's side, not the other way around.

She went as far as to tell Amy to get out of the OP's life or be shunned by the family. The OP's parents were stressed about the conflict.

All of the OP's cousins supported Sarah and her actions. They claimed that Amy's career was going to tear the family apart.

The OP decided to go no-contact with his family apart from some holidays. He was hurt that his parents never stood up for Amy.

The OP says his father supports his extended family no matter what they do, and the cousins often take advantage of him because of this.

When the OP confronted Sarah and his cousins about their behavior towards Amy, they insisted there was no problem with the way they treated her. It was clear that nothing was going to change.

Now, Amy is starting her residency and is also in the early stages of pregnancy. The OP says the baby was not planned, but they are both happy and excited about it.

One of the OP's cousins is also pregnant and sent Amy a hurtful message saying that her baby would never be accepted or loved as much as the others. The OP says that was the last straw.

When he tried to show his father the message, he refused to look at it. He said that "people are probably just emotional."

So, the OP asked his dad to choose between him and their extended family members. His mom said that the OP was ungrateful for trying to control his parents' decisions.

They blamed Amy for the situation, and now the OP is wondering if he's the a**hole here. Keep scrolling to see how people reacted.

The Redditor asked if he's an a**hole for asking his dad to choose him over his extended family.

Reddit/Aware_Mirror_1365

He explained that his father was raised in a very codependent way.

The OP was made to go with his dad to visit the family all the time.

The Psychology of Familial Loyalty

Family loyalty can create complex emotional dilemmas, particularly when individuals feel torn between their own needs and family expectations.

Dr. Susan Johnson, a leading expert in emotionally focused therapy, notes that this loyalty can sometimes lead to unhealthy dynamics, especially when it involves choosing sides.

Her research indicates that such situations can create emotional distress and conflict within family systems.

The OP eventually moved away for grad school, and he was one of the first of his cousins to get married.

His wife Amy moved away with him for school.

When Amy got into medical school, the OP returned the favor and moved with her.

Research in social psychology suggests that asking someone to choose sides can lead to significant emotional strain. According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, "When individuals are forced to choose between loved ones, it can create a deep sense of conflict and emotional turmoil." This dynamic can trigger feelings of betrayal and guilt, impacting the individual's mental health. This principle is evident in the Redditor's request for their father to choose between them and extended family members.

The OP's aunt Sarah sent horrible messages to Amy.

She went as far as to tell Amy to get out of the OP's life.

All of the OP's cousins supported Sarah and her actions.

Strategies for Healthy Communication in Family Conflicts

To navigate these complex family dynamics, open communication is essential. Experts recommend creating a safe space for dialogue where family members can express their feelings without fear of judgment.

Dr. John Gottman emphasizes the importance of active listening and validating each other's emotions as key to resolving conflicts.

Additionally, practicing empathy and understanding can help mitigate feelings of betrayal or alienation.

They said that Amy's career was going to tear the family apart.

The OP decided to go no-contact with his family apart from some holidays.

The OP says his father supports his extended family no matter what they do.

Seeking family therapy can also provide a structured environment to address these issues, allowing for guided discussions that promote healing and understanding.

Research indicates that families who engage in therapy often experience improved relationships and reduced conflict over time as they learn to communicate more effectively.

When the OP confronted Sarah and his cousins about their behavior towards Amy, they said there was no problem with the way they treated her.

Now, Amy is starting her residency and is also in the early stages of pregnancy.

One of the OP's cousins is also pregnant and sent Amy a hurtful message.

When he tried to show his father the message, he refused to look at it.

So, the OP asked his dad to choose between him and their extended family members.

His mom said that the OP was ungrateful for trying to control his parents' decisions.

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/Equivalent_Value2686

"It's time for you to support your wife."

Reddit/PleaseCoffeeMe

"It shouldn't have to be asked."

Reddit/HappyCamper82

NTA.

Reddit/Lilac-Roses-Sunsets

"Your family sounds horrible."

Reddit/rockshow12

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP is being unreasonable by asking his father to choose, or is it a fair request considering how the extended family has been treating Amy?

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario illustrates the emotional complexities of family loyalty and the pressures it can create. It’s vital to recognize the impact of these dynamics on emotional health and to foster open communication to navigate these challenges effectively.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Family loyalty can create significant emotional challenges, but with effective communication and empathy, these conflicts can be navigated.

Prioritizing healthy dialogue and understanding is crucial for fostering strong family relationships.