15 Patients Spoke About The Moments When Doctors Said The Most Hurtful Things To Them
"There is nothing wrong with you, you’re just fat".
Some doctor visits stick with people for years, and not because of the diagnosis. In this Reddit roundup, patients shared the most hurtful things they ever heard from doctors, nurses, and other medical staff, and the comments range from careless to downright cruel.
What makes these stories hit hard is how personal they are, from pregnancy scares and chronic pain to mental health crises and life-changing diagnoses. A few of the replies are funny in hindsight, but most are the kind of moments people never really forget.
Here are 15 patient stories that show how much a few thoughtless words can sting.
1. Unbelievable.
“When I was about 4 I got diagnosed with child asthma, doctor told my mum it was her fault because she decided to have a child despite having asthma herself…”
That one landed badly right away.
2. Lonely....
“He asked me if I felt lonely
I said I don’t think of myself as lonely
He wrote down Lonely and underlined it.
Edit: Thank you kind strangers for gold and silver I’ll show it to my frien… oh.”
3. It’s how you use it that matters…
“I went to get a lump on my groin checked out, and had to remove my underpants. The doctor started a whole speech about “size isn’t everything”, which isn’t what I went there for.”
4. Yes, that is the cause.
“Was having digestive issues I eventually learned were a result of my undiagnosed cancer.
Doctor suggested I should wipe better.”
5. Move it! Now!
“I woke up in the hospital and heard a nurse running out saying “he’s awake”. I ask them where I am and what’s going on, he just gets more insistent that I “move your toes”. I asked again where I was and that was going on , he almost yells at me “ move your toes”. I said I am moving my toes, and immediately he says “you will never walk again.” That’s how I found out I was a paraplegic at 21 years old. I had been in a single car wreck and was thrown 70-80 feet from the car and my vertebrae was dislocated and laying next to another one.
Edit 1: Damn this blew up. Thank you to you all for your comments. I had a seatbelt on but went off a small hill next to the interstate after clipping an end of the guardrail. Flipped the car down the hill and seat and seatbelt gave way under the pressure and I went out the driver door window. My back collapsed around the door sill and dislocated one vertebra next to the one below it. I’m a big guy 6’4” and 235 at the time and the force was too much for the seat structure. I found out all these details over the next few weeks while I was in rehab.
Edit 2: Gold and silver thank you. Didn’t think this story would touch as many as it has.”
6. Great hips.
“My female doctor, now retired, once told me I had great birthing hips. I’m a male.”
7. Incredibly insensitive and incompetent.
“In the ER, about six months pregnant, with heavy spotting and no noticeable fetal movement. Idiot doctor is unable to find the baby’s heartbeat. Just looks up at me and says, “Yep, probably dead in there.” He couldn’t possibly have said it in a more casual, offhand manner.
Note: I delivered my son three months later, perfectly healthy.”
8. No, i am just overreacting....
“I’m sure it’s not that bad”
The intake nurse at the in patient psychiatric unit I was checking myself into after a suicide attempt following a sexual assault.
ETA: Thank you to folks who commented or PM’d me.
I am okay. I did a short stay at in patient and everyone else who worked there (and, honestly and maybe more significantly, everyone else who was also staying there) was kind, thoughtful, helpful, and seemed to be much better at their jobs.
This was about two years ago now. Things are better but not perfect. I think that sometimes, that is hard especially for people who are in my life: they seem to be waiting for a version of me that is “perfectly fine” and I am not sure she exists any more.
But it is better than it was, most of the time. Sometimes it is harder, or at least similar, but I am still here and sometimes, being “still here” is okay being the only success of the day. I have my work, I have my son, I have my circle of people who really stuck by me, and that’s a lot to hold onto.”
9. Nope, just fat.
“I had gained a lot of weight around my mid section a few years back, and my periods stopped. I was scared, young, and thought I was pregnant, but the tests came back negative. I went to a doctor to have myself checked out and she did some basic tests before telling me.
“There is nothing wrong with you, you’re just fat”
I already had some body confidence issues, but hearing it from my doctor, when I was trying really hard to get in shape, really hurt, I worked hard to lose weight, but my belly wouldn’t shrink, I was starting to feel really sick, and went back to the doctor, who again told me it was that I was just fat. I was crushed.
A year later I went to the hospital for something unrelated, and it was discovered that I had a giant Ovarian Cyst, about the size of a newborn. It was throwing off my hormones, making me gain weight, among many other issues. I have since lost weight and am feeling super confident now, but that doctor really messed me up for a long time.”
10. Acne...
“I went to get an earache checked and the first thing the doctor said was “Yeah so I’m gonna put you on some medicine for the ear but we’ve gotta do something about your face, your acne is absolutely terrible.”
Thanks doc.”
11. You have an old stomach.
“When I was in middle school until 10th grade, I would get violent nausea anytime I got hungry. It felt like my stomach was on fire, and I would miss a lot of school from feeling like shit (although I was a good student and wasn’t falling behind in any way). After a lot of fighting with my mother who accused me of exaggerating, she agrees to take me to a gastroenterologist to be checked out. Before agreeing to do an endoscopy, the gastro accused me of exaggerating because I was a teen girl and that’s just apparently what young women do, he suggested I was just making up these symptoms for attention, and then asked me point blank if I was lying about my pain level to skip school and suggested I had a mental health issue I was trying to cover for. I had fucking GERD and severe acid reflux, as confirmed by the endoscopy he reluctantly agreed to perform on me. Instead of letting it go, the gastro made a point of angrily telling me that I had “the stomach of a 80 year old man” and must have been intentionally eating in a way to fuck up my stomach.
I have a family history of stomach problems and GERD. I don’t understand why it was so implausible that my brother could have acid reflux at a young age, but I must be a hysterical liar when I claim to have the same symptoms in my teens.”
12. Just acting up... yeah.
“Wife took our 2 y/o daughter to the doctor because she was sick and her behaviour seemed to be changing. She couldn’t eat or drink. Our local doctor said that’s how kids are sometimes and just monitor her behaviour. As we were pretty sure there was something definitely wrong we kept seeing different doctors. Last one said we were acting hysterically and our behaviour were a problem. 5 days later our daughter seemed to had a seizure so we went to the hospital. Our daughter had a brain tumor and the doctor at the hospital said this should have been recognized sooner. He was astounded that we’ve seen 5 doctors all blaming us as parents to “just be acting up over nothing”.”
13. Don’t be a sissy.
“Different kind of doctor, but a dentist (after poking that sharp piece of steel into my not dead yet gums)
“Oh come, on, it doesn’t hurt that much!” after I jumped and said “ow!”
I looked at him, got up and walked out.
I now have a very nice dentist”
14. Case closed.
“It’s all between your ears” after missing at least one, but probably two crippling vitamin deficiencies by not ordering the right test. It took me two and a half years of thinking I was lazy and pathetic before I went to another doctor and got diagnosed.”
15. Great response.
“I just don’t know how you could be in so much pain being so young, I’m not going to be able to write you a prescription.” My response was, “You’re a dipshit; I came in because I was hurt at work, doing heavy construction.” I never asked for a prescription in the first place, I had assumed I was getting an xray to see if I had broken anything.”
The experiences shared by the 15 patients illustrate a troubling reality in healthcare.
The concept of stigma plays a critical role in how patients perceive themselves after receiving hurtful comments from doctors.
Studies show that stigma can lead to decreased self-esteem and increased anxiety, particularly in vulnerable populations.
Therefore, healthcare providers must be mindful of their language and the potential ramifications of their words.
Empathy is a fundamental component of effective healthcare communication.
Furthermore, the practice of motivational interviewing has been shown to enhance patient engagement and reduce resistance to treatment.
This technique encourages healthcare providers to ask open-ended questions and reflect on patients' responses, allowing for a more collaborative approach.
Studies highlight that this method can decrease feelings of stigmatization and increase adherence to treatment plans.
The experiences shared by patients highlight a troubling reality in healthcare: the words of doctors can leave deep emotional scars that affect not only mental health but also a patient’s willingness to pursue further care. The anecdotes illustrate that insensitivity from medical professionals can overshadow their intended role as healers. Promoting empathy and understanding in communication is not just beneficial but essential for fostering trust and positive health outcomes in the patient-doctor relationship.
The accounts shared by patients reveal the deep psychological scars that can result from thoughtless remarks made by medical professionals. These hurtful comments often extend beyond mere insensitivity; they can inflict lasting emotional damage that complicates the healing process. The language used in medical settings plays a crucial role in shaping a patient's self-perception, particularly regarding sensitive topics like weight and health. Such comments can foster feelings of shame and inadequacy, driving a wedge between patients and their healthcare providers.
This phenomenon highlights the pervasive issue of stigma in healthcare, where negative language can worsen mental health challenges and deter individuals from seeking the necessary care. The stories shared in this article serve as a poignant reminder of the need for empathy and understanding in medical conversations.
Moreover, the emotional impact of such statements can lead to a breakdown in the patient-provider relationship.
When patients feel judged, it can hinder their willingness to communicate openly about their health concerns.
Weight stigma is a pervasive issue in healthcare that can lead to detrimental health outcomes.
Patients who experience discrimination in healthcare settings are less likely to engage in preventive care.
This can create a vicious cycle where negative experiences lead to avoidance of medical care, ultimately affecting overall health.
To combat this, healthcare providers must be trained to communicate effectively and compassionately.
The accounts shared in this article highlight a troubling reality within healthcare settings where insensitivity can overshadow the intended purpose of healing. The emotional scars left by hurtful comments can linger far longer than any physical ailment, demonstrating the profound psychological implications of a doctor's words.
It is imperative for healthcare providers to recognize the weight their language carries and to engage in compassionate communication. The moments described by patients reveal that a single phrase can fracture the trust that is essential to the patient-provider relationship.
By fostering a supportive environment, healthcare professionals can not only improve health outcomes but also rebuild the trust that is vital for effective treatment. Prioritizing empathy in communication is not just beneficial; it is essential for a truly holistic approach to patient care.
The phenomenon of 'medical gaslighting' is increasingly recognized in the literature, where patients feel dismissed or invalidated by their doctors.
To combat this, mental health professionals recommend active listening and validation techniques. Training healthcare providers in these skills can improve the patient experience, fostering a supportive environment that encourages open dialogue, ultimately leading to better health outcomes.
The accounts shared by patients in this article highlight a troubling reality: the words of healthcare professionals can deeply affect the emotional and psychological well-being of those they treat. The moments when doctors utter insensitive remarks reveal a significant gap in the compassionate care that patients expect.
Implementing effective communication strategies is crucial for transforming patient experiences. By prioritizing empathy in their interactions, healthcare providers can foster an environment where patients feel supported and valued. This shift is not merely about enhancing satisfaction; it is vital for improving health outcomes. Ultimately, the aim should be to cultivate a healthcare culture in which every patient feels genuinely heard and understood.
For another brutal health-belief clash, read how a doctor-husband’s treatment advice caused tension over a chronic illness.
