Jobless Boyfriend Manipulates His Girlfriend Into Thinking She Is Financially Abusing Him By Not Making Him A Co-Owner Of The Apartment She Wants To Buy

Some relationship problems start small, then turn into something much messier once money gets involved. That is exactly what happened when one woman told her boyfriend she was finally close to buying the apartment she had been saving for for years.

She and Adam have lived together for two years, but she is the only one bringing in income because of his undisclosed disability. He already avoids cooking for both of them and refuses chores, and now he is upset that she does not want to make him a co-owner of the apartment she plans to buy.

What should have been a happy milestone quickly turned into an argument about fairness, control, and who really gets to call this relationship equal.

Adam freaked out when OP said she will finally buy the apartment she wanted this year

Adam said OP should wait until they were married to buy the apartment. OP said she would not be doing that.

Adam went on to say that he feels lousy witnessing OP buy an apartment all by herself without having contributed to it. OP asked Adam what she was supposed to do because what he was describing sounded like a personal issue that had nothing to do with OP.

He gave OP two options: 1, buy the apartment but include his name on the title, or 2, wait until they were married so the apartment becomes a shared marital asset.

OP said no to both options and told Adam to drop the issue. OP thought that was the end of the discussion until Adam proved her wrong during his family's dinner.

While his family was there, Adam began complaining about OP's plan to buy an apartment. He brought up the two options he could live with and said he couldn't accept the power imbalance in their relationship.

Adam also said that what OP was doing made him feel like he wasn't contributing anything. OP had enough and said Adam feels that way because he actually contributes nothing.

OP said he can fix that by finding a job and having a decent income. His family looked shocked while Adam stared at OP and walked away.

OP waited for Adam to come back but had to go home without him because his mom said he felt overwhelmed and needed space away from OP. Adam's mom shamed OP for what she said and hinted about the "financial abuse" in their relationship.

As of the last update, Adam hasn't come home yet. He is, however, demanding to talk about the apartment once again and probably expecting OP to cave in to one of his two options.

u/Throwaway2356110

Is OP the a**hole for finally getting real with her boyfriend?

u/Throwaway2356110

Now - the complicated part:

u/Throwaway2356110

The term 'weaponized incompetence' refers to a tactic where an individual pretends to be incapable of performing a task to avoid responsibility or gain sympathy. This behavior can often stem from deeper psychological issues, such as learned helplessness or low self-esteem.

In the context of the relationship described, Adam's behavior may reflect an underlying fear of inadequacy or rejection, leading him to manipulate the narrative around financial contributions. This dynamic not only creates an imbalance in the relationship but can also exacerbate feelings of resentment and frustration for the partner who feels burdened by the financial responsibilities.

This tactic can create significant imbalance, leading to frustration and resentment.

Power imbalance

u/Throwaway2356110

So, OP is financially abusive?

u/Throwaway2356110

Excellent four-point argument to make OP think about the reality of her situation

Dis_Is_Hooman

Research indicates that effective communication styles are crucial for couples in resolving conflicts. In this scenario, OP might find it beneficial to foster open conversations that allow Adam to express his thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. This approach could help cultivate an atmosphere where both partners feel acknowledged and appreciated, potentially easing the strain related to financial matters.

Moreover, recognizing the signs of financial manipulation is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.

Understanding these dynamics can empower individuals to take control of their financial situations.

It doesn't take a lot of jumping to get to this conclusion

Minnie_091220

Drop this man like a hot potato. Get a dog, OP, any dog at all would be better than this guy.

Elementary57

If he can cook for himself, why can't he cook for two? His reasoning sounds more like an excuse to lower OP's expectations of him even more.

ALostAmphibian

Financial stress is a well-documented strain on relationships, often leading to increased conflict and decreased satisfaction. The pressure of financial instability can create a cycle where stress leads to conflict, which then exacerbates financial issues. In this scenario, it's crucial for both partners to recognize how financial stress may be influencing their interactions. Implementing joint financial planning sessions may not only help alleviate some of the financial burdens but also strengthen the partnership through collaboration and shared goals.

The article highlights the troubling dynamic where Adam attempts to frame OP's refusal to make him a co-owner of the apartment as a form of financial abuse. This manipulation underscores the necessity for transparent conversations about financial expectations within relationships.

By openly discussing their financial roles and responsibilities, OP and Adam could potentially avert such misunderstandings. This approach not only strengthens mutual respect but also lays a foundation for healthier communication, crucial for navigating the complexities of shared financial decisions.

Parasite is a a better name to call him instead of boyfriend

HTX-713

It's the same as pulling out the mental health card to excuse terrible behavior

CorvusStrix

OP needs to realize her self worth because it's just unhealthy to think she deserves a guy like Adam

IHaveSaidMyPiece

Regular check-ins to assess how each partner feels about their contributions can also foster a sense of fairness and collaboration.

Also, this mirrors an AITA where a girlfriend and boyfriend argued over splitting rent after moving in.

Additionally, creating a joint financial plan can promote accountability.

This shared responsibility can enhance trust and reduce feelings of resentment.

The best time to end the relationship was yesterday, the next best time is today

Lia_Delphine

He thought if he had his family to back him up, OP would cave in to his demands

Notthesharpestmarble

He has already "trained" OP to expect nothing from him and do everything for him. What does he contribute in this relationship, truly?

iLiveInAHologram94

Emotional dependency can often complicate financial dynamics in relationships. Individuals who rely heavily on their partners for emotional validation may struggle with asserting their needs, particularly in financially charged discussions.

This dependency can lead to scenarios where one partner feels taken advantage of, while the other may feel overwhelmed by guilt or inadequacy. To combat this, it’s essential for both partners to cultivate self-esteem and emotional resilience, ideally through therapy or personal development workshops that focus on building autonomy and communication skills.

Effective communication is essential in addressing financial issues.

Creating a safe environment for financial discussions can lead to more productive outcomes.

How is that financial abuse? Maybe Adam should live with his mom again if she's so concerned about OP controlling him.

Emergency-Fox-5982

It says a lot about him and how he views his relationship with OP

pixiep48

OP, read this out loud three times and ask yourself why you are still with Adam

NDC-not-covered

In relationships like OP and Adam's, where financial imbalance exists, one partner may adopt passive-aggressive tactics or withdraw emotionally as a means of coping with stress.

Professional guidance can facilitate healthier financial dynamics and improve communication about money matters.

The reality of the situation doesn't sink in until you've seen it all written down

addisonavenue

The bar is in hell at this point

escapist11

Should OP choose to continue this relationship, she will have a lot of back pain carrying a lot of dead weight for the rest of liviher life

21stCenturyJanes

Transparency in financial matters is critical in fostering trust and security in relationships. Couples who openly discuss their financial situations and future plans report greater relationship satisfaction and stability.

For OP and Adam, adopting a practice of regular financial check-ins could help bridge any gaps in understanding. This proactive approach not only encourages openness but also empowers both partners to express their needs and expectations clearly, ultimately leading to a healthier partnership.

Ultimately, fostering mutual accountability in financial matters is key to a healthy relationship.

When both partners feel invested in their financial decisions, it strengthens the overall relationship.

I would honestly rather be single and alone than living with a person like Adam. He does nothing, expects everything, and has the audacity to demand more.

OP can do so much better than Adam. It will take a lot of work for her to realize that she deserves more than the bare minimum from the person she plans on spending the rest of her life with.

In this situation, it's vital to identify the dynamics of manipulation present in the relationship.

In summary, the psychological dynamics at play in this relationship highlight the importance of communication, mutual respect, and emotional awareness.

Ultimately, both partners must feel empowered to express their needs and work collaboratively towards solutions, ensuring that the relationship thrives amidst any challenges it may face.

Want another housing fight with consent involved, read about a girlfriend debating refusing her boyfriend’s best friend moving in.