Friend Seeks Crush Advice: Should I Help Despite Secret Love?

A 27-year-old woman refused to give her 28-year-old friend straightforward crush advice, even though he asked her for help going after a mutual social-circle target named Alex. And it’s not because she doesn’t care, it’s because she’s been secretly into Alex for years.

Now the friend is looking for tips on how to approach Alex (26NB), while the OP is stuck watching her own feelings get dragged into the same conversation. If she helps, she could be fueling the exact scenario she’s been trying to avoid, Alex dating someone else, and her friend getting closer to the person she loves.

So when the friend asked, “How do I make my move?”, the OP had to decide if friendship means sacrificing her own shot at happiness.

Original Post

So I'm (27F) and I'm in a bit of a dilemma with my close friend (28M). He's been crushing on someone from our social circle for a while now.

Let's call this crush Alex (26NB). Recently, my friend asked me for advice on how to approach Alex.

Here's the kicker - I've had feelings for Alex for a long time, and it's been a secret because I didn't want to complicate things. When my friend approached me for advice, I felt torn.

On one hand, I want to support my friend, but on the other hand, I can't shake off my own feelings for Alex. Giving advice feels like I'm pushing them closer together.

I'm afraid that helping my friend would mean watching the person I like potentially date someone else. So AITA if I refuse to give my friend advice, knowing the conflict of interest I have?

I honestly don't know what to do here.

The Heart of the Dilemma

This situation gets even more complicated when you consider that both women are navigating their own feelings. The OP is torn between her loyalty to her friend and her secret affection for the crush. It’s a classic case of wanting to support someone you care about while risking your own emotional wellbeing. The tension here is palpable—should she prioritize her friend’s happiness or her own feelings?

Readers can likely relate to this struggle. We've all faced moments where friendship and romance collide, leading to messy, often painful outcomes. The Reddit community's diverse reactions highlight just how personal these dilemmas can feel, with some advocating for honesty and others pleading for discretion.

Comment from u/RainbowUnicorn123

Comment from u/CoffeeAddict99

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The moment the OP felt “torn” after her friend asked how to approach Alex, the whole thing stopped being harmless advice and started feeling like emotional sabotage.

It gets messier because the OP isn’t the only one with feelings in the mix, Alex is also a real person with their own vibe, not just a prize in a game.

This gets messy like OP confessing feelings to their friend’s crush and asking AITA

Friendship vs. Romantic Interests

The conflict here isn't just about dating advice; it's about the broader implications of friendship boundaries. If the OP helps her friend pursue this crush, she risks losing her own chance at happiness. It's a moral grey area that many have faced, and it's fascinating to see how people weigh the importance of transparency versus protecting one’s own heart.

What makes this story resonate is that it reflects a real-life scenario where loyalties are tested. The community's divided opinions—some urging the OP to come clean about her feelings while others suggest she stay silent—underscore just how complex such situations can be. It's a reminder that in love and friendship, the lines can often blur.

Comment from u/SoccerMom23

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While the OP worries she’d be pushing them together, her friend is basically asking her to help turn that long-held secret into a public reality.

By the time the Reddit comments start debating boundaries and loyalty, the OP is still stuck wondering if refusing advice makes her the villain or just protects her heart.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

This story serves as a poignant reminder of the intricacies of human relationships, especially when romantic feelings complicate friendships. It begs the question: is it ever right to put your own feelings aside for a friend, or should honesty always come first? How would you navigate a situation where your happiness is at odds with a friend's desires? We’d love to hear your thoughts.

Her friend wanted crush tips, but she wasn’t trying to hand over the keys to the life she’s been quietly wanting.

Before you help your friend chase Alex, read how OP handled choosing “me or their crush”