Friends Breakup: Boundaries Set After Ignored Advice

Some people don’t recognize a favor, they just keep reaching for the next one. In this Reddit post, a 29-year-old woman, OP, has been the emotional lifeline for her friend Alex, a 30-year-old nonbinary person, through relationship drama and a breakup that went sideways.

Before the split, Alex constantly asked for OP’s advice, OP always showed up, listened, and offered detailed suggestions. Then, after the breakup, Alex called again in tears, asked for help moving on, and still brushed off everything OP recommended. The complicated part is that Alex only popped back up when they needed more support, while OP’s messages checking in after their last talk were ignored.

Now OP is setting a boundary, and Alex is calling her cold for it, which is exactly where this friendship gets messy.

Original Post

So I'm (29F), and my friend, let's call them Alex (30NB), recently went through a tough breakup. Before they broke up, Alex constantly asked for my advice on their relationship issues, and I always took the time to listen and offer support.

However, they never seemed to follow any of my suggestions and ended up in a messy breakup. For background, I've been through my fair share of breakups and understand how hard it can be.

When Alex called me in tears after the breakup, I was there for them at first, offering comfort and a listening ear. But then, they started asking for advice on how to move on, seeking my help once again.

Despite my busy schedule, I took the time to give them detailed advice on self-care, therapy, and healthy ways to cope with the breakup. However, Alex seemed to brush off all my suggestions, claiming they knew what was best for them.

This happened multiple times, and I felt like they were disregarding my efforts to help. The last straw was when Alex ignored my messages seeking an update on their well-being after our last conversation.

They only reached out when they needed something from me, and I couldn't shake off the feeling of being used. So when they asked for more breakup advice, I finally stood my ground and told them I couldn't keep helping if they weren't willing to take any advice onboard.

Since then, Alex has accused me of being unsupportive and cold during their difficult time. They claim I should always be there for them no matter what.

But I feel like my boundaries were crossed when my efforts to help were constantly disregarded. I genuinely care about Alex's well-being, but I also value mutual respect in a friendship.

So AITA?

The Weight of Unheeded Advice

This story really highlights the frustration that can come from being a sounding board for a friend who doesn't take your advice seriously. OP's experience with Alex shows how emotional labor isn't just about giving advice; it's about the expectation that your insights will be valued. When Alex repeatedly ignored OP's guidance, it set the stage for a messy fallout that left both feeling betrayed.

It's one thing to support a friend through heartbreak, but it's another to feel like your words are falling on deaf ears. The tension here is palpable. How can you keep supporting someone who seems determined to ignore your wisdom? This dynamic resonates with many who’ve found themselves in similar positions, making it a hot topic for discussion.

OP didn’t just listen when Alex was crying after the breakup, she gave a whole game plan for what to do next.

Comment from u/mystical_dragonfly345

NTA. Friendship should be a two-way street. You offered support and advice, but if Alex kept ignoring your input, it's understandable you reached a breaking point.

Comment from u/cheeseburger_queen

Sounds like Alex only wanted a yes-man, not genuine help. NTA for setting boundaries. They need to learn to appreciate the support they receive.

Comment from u/jazzycatlover7

Alex can't expect free therapy sessions without respecting your time and effort. NTA for prioritizing your own mental well-being in this friendship dynamic.

Comment from u/wilderness_explorer99

I get wanting to be there for a friend, but if they continuously reject your help, that's on them. NTA for standing up for yourself and your boundaries.

And every time OP offered specifics, Alex acted like they already knew better and dropped the advice anyway.

Comment from u/rainbow_skittle_unicorn

NTA. It's tough to watch a friend struggle, but if they won't listen, there's only so much you can do. Your mental health matters too, OP.

It’s the same kind of conflict as the friend who ignored relationship advice, then asked for help moving out.

Comment from u/coffeeholic_dreamer22

Alex seems to want a puppet, not a friend who genuinely cares. NTA for recognizing your worth and not being taken advantage of.

Comment from u/whimsical_snowflake88

Bro, NTA. Friendship isn't one-sided. Alex needs to realize that it's give and take, not just take-take-take. You did your best, OP.

The real breaking point was when OP tried to check on Alex again and got nothing back until Alex needed something.

Comment from u/moonlight_mermaid76

It's frustrating when you invest time and care into someone who doesn't appreciate it. NTA for drawing a line in the sand. Your feelings are valid.

Comment from u/sunset_wanderer55

NTA. You're not a vending machine of advice that Alex can use at their convenience. Friendship requires respect and mutual effort, which seems lacking here.

Comment from u/techgeek_gal22

Alex wanted a sounding board, not a friend. NTA for realizing your worth and setting boundaries in a friendship that's become one-sided. Self-care matters too, OP.

That’s when OP finally told Alex she wouldn’t keep helping if the guidance never mattered, and Alex flipped it into “you’re unsupportive.”

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!.

The aftermath of Alex’s breakup reveals the complexities of friendship and emotional boundaries.

Why This Story Matters

This story illustrates the delicate balance of friendship, especially when advice goes unheeded.

The Bigger Picture

In this scenario, OP's frustration with Alex stems from a sense of being taken for granted.

Nobody wants to be the friend who gets ignored until it’s time to vent again.

Before you help again, see whether you’re wrong for setting boundaries with a needy friend post-breakup in this AITA.