Forget Ghosting, Gen Z Is All About Shrekking In Dating Now

Modern dating is full of strange new terms, and every year it feels like the dictionary of relationship jargon gets a little longer. Ghosting, breadcrumbing, orbiting - these labels try to make sense of the often confusing behaviors that happen in today’s dating world.

Some are funny, others a little dark, but all of them reflect the fact that dating now comes with patterns we didn’t always have words for. The latest to join the list is “Shrekking,” and while the name sounds almost playful, the idea behind it is far from positive.

At its core, Shrekking refers to intentionally dating someone you’re not especially attracted to, based on the assumption that they’ll treat you better than the people you do find attractive. The thinking is simple: if you “date down,” you’ll get more kindness, loyalty, and effort in return.

But as many are pointing out online, it doesn’t always work that way. If the relationship still goes sour or ends badly, the person on the receiving end says they’ve been “Shrekked.”

The word itself is inspired by the film Shrek, where the ogre unexpectedly finds love with Princess Fiona. The reference makes sense in pop culture terms, but in reality, the trend reduces relationships to a hierarchy based on looks, which is where the problems begin.

Modern dating reacts to “shrekking” with humor, sarcasm, and frustration over endless buzzwords.

Social media has had a field day with the term. Some people treat it as a joke, sharing sarcastic posts about “getting Shrekked,” while others point out how bleak it sounds.

One person on X summed it up as,

“Dating someone unattractive in hopes that they’ll treat you better.” Another compared modern dating to a “side quest,” listing Shrekking alongside older terms like cookie jarring and roaching.

Others poked fun at how long the list of dating buzzwords has become. “Ghosting, lovebombing, breadcrumbing, shrekking… modern dating needs a whole semester worth of lectures,” one user wrote.

The responses show a mix of humor and frustration, with many questioning whether turning relationships into memes is helping anyone navigate them better.

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Dating coach Amy Chan explained that while the phrase might be new, the behavior isn’t. People have always made choices where physical attraction wasn’t the top priority, and sometimes, attraction does grow over time.

That, in itself, isn’t negative. The issue comes when someone assumes that just because they’re choosing a partner they consider less conventionally attractive, they’re guaranteed respect and kindness.

Chan emphasized that a base level of attraction is important for a relationship to thrive. More importantly, she pointed out that how someone treats you isn’t dictated by their appearance.

A person’s values, empathy, and compatibility matter far more than whether or not they fit a certain standard of beauty.

Shrekking exposes the dangers of ranking people by looks instead of valuing real connection.

What makes Shrekking troubling is the mindset behind it. It relies on a ranking system that places people into categories of “better” or “worse” based on looks. That kind of thinking doesn’t just create shallow dynamics; it also distracts from what actually sustains a relationship.

Personality, shared goals, emotional connection - none of those can be predicted by whether someone is deemed more or less attractive. It also risks being unfair to both sides.

The person doing the Shrekking enters the relationship with assumptions rather than genuine interest, and the person being “dated down” is treated as a safe bet rather than a valued partner. That lack of authenticity can quickly unravel, which is likely why many who try it end up saying they’ve been “Shrekked.”

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The timing of the term’s rise isn’t random. With cuffing season approaching, many single people feel pressure to settle down, even temporarily, just to have companionship during colder months.

That environment makes trends like Shrekking more visible because people are actively looking for ways to avoid heartbreak. Ironically, though, leaning into such strategies may backfire, leaving people more disillusioned with dating than before.

While Shrekking might just be the latest quirky entry into dating slang, it highlights a deeper issue: how much people still try to “game” relationships instead of building them on genuine connection. Looks matter to a point, but they don’t guarantee kindness, love, or loyalty.

Reducing romance to a strategy of dating up or down only fuels the cynicism that so many already feel about modern dating.

In the end, whether the word sticks around or fades like so many others, the takeaway is simple: how someone treats you isn’t tied to where they fall on an attractiveness scale. It comes down to respect, values, and compatibility - things no meme-worthy term can really capture.