Selfish Mother-In-Law Wants Baby Granddaughter To Have First Vacation With Her Side Of The Family, Calls Daughter-In-Law's Mom To Postpone Their Holiday

A new mom is headed to Mexico for an overdue week-long vacation with her family. They are celebrating her father's 60th birthday, her brother's birthday, and a delayed honeymoon for her and her husband.

OP's family took months to plan this trip. Her mother-in-law and her family were aware of OP's family vacation.

Their itinerary and reservations were all finalized a month before the trip, but MIL and her family made their disapproval known.

OP has a 7-month-old baby, and the week-long Mexico trip with OP's family rubbed MIL and her brood the wrong way.

They wanted the baby to share that milestone with their family. MIL's family made it a point not to show any interest or enthusiasm for OP's Mexico holiday.

OP's husband is aware of his family's indifference. When OP asked if his dad would be willing to drive them to the airport, her husband rejected the idea immediately.

He said he didn't want to spend the entire ride to the airport getting lectured by his dad about spending quality time with their family. OP's MIL knew she had one chance to derail the trip and took it.

She called OP's mom to announce that her sister made a last-minute visit to their country. Apparently, her sister was offended that OP and her family were leaving on the day of her arrival.

MIL lamented the unfortunate timing of their trip

u/Saltybabe101

Her sister is visiting for 10 days. OP, her husband, and their baby can catch up with his aunt once they are back from Mexico, but that wasn't enough for MIL.

u/Saltybabe101

She even asked OP's mom if they had already confirmed their flights because it would be such a shame if OP and her family weren't there to greet her sister's family. There was no way OP was giving up the Mexico trip to spend time with her MIL.

u/Saltybabe101

Navigating Family Dynamics

Dr. Rachel Simmons, a family therapist, suggests that family dynamics often dictate how relationships are perceived and valued.

The mother-in-law’s desire to prioritize her side of the family for the first vacation with the granddaughter could stem from a need for control and validation within the family unit.

This behavior is not uncommon and can be rooted in attachment styles that influence how individuals relate to their family members.

A Redditor said it was rude of OP to suggest that her FIL drive them to the airport when she knew how they felt about this holiday

ThxItsadisorder, _Jahar_

OP said it wasn't an odd request because it was a question her FIL would have expected them to ask

Saltybabe101

OP should learn from the experiences of wiser Redditors who understand the realities of traveling with an insufferable MIL

DarthSamurai

Research in family psychology indicates that competitive family dynamics can lead to feelings of inadequacy among members, as they may feel pressure to conform to certain expectations. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher, "When family members compete for attention or validation, it can create a toxic environment that fosters resentment." This dynamic can particularly affect the daughter-in-law, who may perceive her mother-in-law's actions as an affront to her own family's value, leading to further conflict and emotional distress.

Her MIL's attempt to exclude her from decision-making should have insulted OP more

ladygoodgreen

Why does her MIL think she has any say about other people's plans and holidays anyway?

Sea-Palpitation2920

Even if they made their opinions known earlier, they still crossed boundaries when MIL tried to manipulate OP and her family into canceling a trip to make her happy

Efficient_Tea_7563

The Role of Emotional Manipulation

This scenario may also reflect elements of emotional manipulation, where one party seeks to exert control over another's decisions.

Psychological studies show that emotional manipulation often stems from unresolved issues within the manipulator, such as insecurity or fear of losing connection.

Understanding this can help the daughter-in-law navigate her feelings and establish healthier boundaries.

MIL and Co. are not privy to the flight details of OP's family in case they choose to cross more lines

ISOCoffeeAndWine, Saltybabe101

MIL definitely set this up to make OP look like the bad guy no matter what decision she made

senorbuzz, Saltybabe101

Maybe MIL's sister wasn't visiting after all. It could just be a ruse to monopolize more of the baby's milestones

fragmonk3y

To address such conflicts, open communication is key. Family therapy can provide a neutral space for all parties to express their feelings and expectations.

Research supports the effectiveness of family therapy in resolving intergenerational conflicts and improving family relationships.

By engaging in these conversations, families can foster understanding and develop healthier relational patterns.

OP's mom handled that call like a champ. A ridiculous passive-aggressive request deserves nothing more than an incredulous laugh.

peanutandbaileysmama, Saltybabe101

You can't take them seriously if you have a MIL like OP's. It was bold of her to imply that they were selfish for going on a trip when she selfishly wanted to keep the baby's firsts to herself.

OP and her family should have extended their week-long vacation into two just to spite MIL after that phone call. MIL need not worry; there will be plenty of pictures for her to view.

Setting clear boundaries is also essential in mitigating feelings of resentment within family dynamics.

According to studies from the Journal of Family Psychology, families that establish healthy boundaries report higher satisfaction in relationships.

This approach encourages each member to feel valued and respected, reducing the likelihood of conflict.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complexity of family relationships and the emotional challenges that arise when competing interests are at play. It's crucial for family members to communicate openly about their needs and expectations to prevent misunderstandings and foster stronger connections.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, navigating family dynamics can be challenging, particularly when competing expectations arise.

Research consistently supports the importance of clear communication and boundary-setting in fostering healthy relationships.

Families that prioritize these principles can cultivate environments where all members feel respected and valued.