Angry Wife Blows Up At Manchild Husband Who Refuses To Do Real Chores And Insists That DND Planning Counts As Chore

Most men are not willing to do household chores. There's even one who would go as far as to consider DND planning a chore.

Today's story from the "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) subreddit is about a married couple. The original poster (OP), the wife, blew up at her husband because he won't do chores at home.

They’ve been happily married for ten years but hit a snag over chores and a shared hobby. During COVID, they picked up Dungeons and Dragons (DND) with friends over Zoom, with the husband as the Dungeon Master (DM).

The wife feels overwhelmed with household chores and pointedly asks him to help after dinner. He argues that his DND work is as important as chores since it's their social activity.

The argument escalated, resulting in hurt feelings on both sides. The wife sees chores as necessities, while the husband views his DND work as a crucial part of their social life.

Both have valid points, but they struggle to see eye-to-eye. They've tried sharing chores before but struggled to maintain it.

Now, resentment simmers, and the wife seeks insight and resolution without wanting to "win" the argument. Most people were on the OP's side, saying that the husband is far too unreasonable.

The OP asks:

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The OP tells the community that they got into DND during COVID with their friends.

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Gender Roles and Household Responsibilities

The dynamics of household responsibilities often reflect deeper societal norms regarding gender roles. Research from the American Psychological Association indicates that traditional gender roles can lead to imbalances in household labor, resulting in frustration and conflict. In this scenario, the husband's insistence that DND planning counts as a chore may reflect a lack of understanding about the shared responsibilities expected in a partnership. Recognizing and addressing these ingrained roles is crucial for establishing equity in household duties.

The OP's husband spends time preparing for the sessions because he is the DM.

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The OP feels that it's unfair that all the household chores would fall on her.

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Moreover, studies show that communication around household responsibilities is essential for reducing conflicts. According to research from the Journal of Marriage and Family, couples who engage in open discussions about chores and responsibilities report greater satisfaction in their relationships. The wife's frustration likely stems from the perception that her partner is not contributing equally, highlighting the importance of clear communication about expectations and responsibilities in the household.

The husband noticed that the OP isn't as excited as usual when he showed her his DND preparations.

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An argument ensued, with the husband telling his wife that DND preparations are his chores.

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The Importance of Shared Values

Shared values play a critical role in how couples navigate household responsibilities. Research from the University of Minnesota suggests that couples who align on values related to family, work, and domestic roles tend to experience lower levels of conflict. In this case, the husband’s perspective on chores may not align with his wife’s values, leading to frustration. Engaging in discussions about individual perspectives on responsibilities can help couples find common ground and reduce conflict.

She knows how much work DMs put into the game. But she doesn't see eye to eye with her husband about DND preparations being a chore.

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For the OP, DND is a hobby.

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Additionally, understanding the psychological underpinnings of individual motivations can enhance communication. A study published in the Journal of Social Issues indicates that individuals often have different motivations for their actions based on their upbringing and experiences. Recognizing that the husband may view DND planning as a legitimate contribution could foster empathy and understanding, ultimately leading to more constructive discussions about shared responsibilities.

The OP decided to let it slide, but the resentment within her is budding.

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DND is considered hobby time, even with the social element.

It cannot be considered a chore — even other DMs think so.

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Navigating household responsibilities and shared hobbies can be challenging for couples. They are clearly not in sync with what's considered hobbies versus what's considered chores.

Maybe the husband should look at the Reddit post. He'll realize that even the DMs themselves have to do household chores on top of planning games because that's the responsible way to do things.

It seems that the OP has been letting things slide, and she shouldn't be doing so.

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Household chores need to be done. DND planning can wait.

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Strategies for Effective Communication

To address conflicts around household responsibilities effectively, couples can adopt several communication strategies. Initiating discussions when both partners are calm can create a more constructive environment for dialogue. Utilizing 'I' statements to express feelings without blaming the other can also foster a more open exchange. By practicing these strategies, couples can enhance their understanding of each other's perspectives and work towards equitable solutions.

The OP can try something similar to what the husband does just to see how he reacts, according to this Redditor.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects common challenges couples face regarding household responsibilities and gender roles. Our in-house psychologist notes that open communication is crucial for addressing these conflicts and establishing shared expectations. Engaging in discussions about responsibilities can enhance mutual understanding and reduce frustrations.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, navigating household responsibilities requires awareness of gender roles and effective communication. By fostering shared values and open discussions, couples can create a more equitable dynamic in their relationships. Understanding the psychological factors at play can lead to healthier partnerships and greater satisfaction.