Lazy Husband Believes It's Her Job To Cook Or Pay For Takeout Since She's The Wife, She Asks If It'd Be Wrong To Demand His Share

A healthy marriage is built on a foundation of good communication and shared responsibilities. Sharing responsibilities, whether financial or related to household tasks, ensures that both individuals contribute to the partnership.

However, both partners must embrace this collaborative approach. If one partner believes they are always right, then it's a dead end.

The OP and her husband have different jobs and incomes, with the OP earning twice as much. The OP's husband argues that it's her role as the wife to cook, so if she can't cook, he thinks she should cover the costs of takeout since he contributes to groceries and rent.

They both wake up at 4:30 AM, but while her husband finishes work by 3:30 PM, the OP often doesn't get home until 5:30 PM. While her husband's job ends when he leaves work, the OP continues working from home until 9 PM, including weekends.

Though he complains, her husband occasionally helps with chores like cleaning the bathroom and doing the dishes. However, a few months ago, her husband bragged that he was "investing all his money in her," prompting the OP to track all expenses she covers, including groceries, bills, rent, Uber rides, takeout, and holiday costs.

Although her husband argues that some trips were her choice, the OP notes that she also funded his desired fishing trip without complaint. Last month, her husband contributed only $200 towards expenses due to being unpaid for most of the month, which the OP didn't mind.

However, now that he's working again, he refuses to contribute beyond rent, bills, and groceries, insisting that cooking is the OP's job. When the OP suggested he could help with cooking or reheating food, he questioned the point of being married if he had to cook himself.

So, the OP is uncertain if she's wrong for wanting bills to be shared equally, especially since her husband often requests takeout without offering to pay.

Here is the OP's dilemma:

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The OP explained she earns twice as much as her husband but also has a more demanding job:

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Gender Roles and Domestic Responsibilities

The expectation that women should handle household duties is deeply rooted in traditional gender roles. According to Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, "When one partner takes on the majority of household responsibilities, it can lead to feelings of resentment and imbalance in the relationship." This dynamic can create a sense of imbalance, where one partner feels overburdened while the other remains disengaged from domestic responsibilities. Dr. Sue Johnson, a pioneer in couples therapy, emphasizes that "shared responsibilities are essential for a healthy partnership, fostering connection and mutual respect."

While her husband's workday ends when he leaves his job, OP continues working from home until 9 PM, even on weekends:

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However, her husband's comment about investing his money in her provoked her to prove him wrong:

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Psychological studies suggest that rigid adherence to traditional roles can hinder relationship satisfaction. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who share responsibilities tend to report higher levels of satisfaction and emotional intimacy.

Conversely, when one partner believes they should not engage in household tasks, it can foster resentment and conflict, as seen in this scenario.

The husband believes it's her job to cook as she is the wife:

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The OP explained to him she can't do everything, but his response was insulting:

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The Importance of Communication in Relationships

Effective communication is essential for resolving conflicts related to household responsibilities. Research indicates that couples who engage in open discussions about their needs and expectations tend to navigate conflicts more successfully.

According to a study in the Journal of Family Psychology, using 'I' statements can help individuals express their feelings without placing blame, promoting constructive dialogue.

Given everything, the OP wonders if she is obligated to pay for his takeout food.

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A Redditor said by the husband's logic, it's his role to support her financially

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In this case, it may be beneficial for the couple to set aside time for an open discussion about their expectations regarding household duties. This conversation could involve negotiating responsibilities based on each partner's strengths and preferences, fostering a sense of teamwork.

Research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships emphasizes that shared decision-making enhances relationship satisfaction and reduces conflict.

The husband needs to be equitable in their relationship

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They need marriage counseling

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There must be respect in every relationship for it to work. It seems like the OP is not respected by her husband.

Redditors told her that she was not in the wrong. Her husband needs to provide his share in their mutual responsibilities, and marriage counseling might help them make things right.

Their responsibilities are not shared at all

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The OP's schedule sounds exhausting

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Reevaluating Traditional Expectations

Reevaluating traditional expectations around gender roles can lead to healthier relationships. Studies suggest that couples who challenge conventional norms regarding household responsibilities tend to experience greater equality and satisfaction.

According to research in the Journal of Social Issues, embracing flexibility in roles can enhance emotional connections, allowing both partners to feel valued and respected.

A Redditor wondered why the OP is married to him

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Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates a common challenge in modern partnerships, where traditional gender roles can lead to significant conflict. It's essential for both partners to engage in open discussions about their expectations and responsibilities.

Encouraging a shift towards shared responsibilities can help alleviate tensions and foster a healthier balance in the relationship.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, addressing gender role expectations and fostering open communication is crucial for relationship satisfaction. By reevaluating traditional norms and negotiating responsibilities, couples can create a more balanced partnership.

This approach not only enhances emotional intimacy but also fosters a shared sense of teamwork, ultimately benefiting the relationship as a whole.