Relationship Issues - When Enjoying Coffee Becomes a Controversy
Drinking coffee in front of kids raised questions about fairness
When it comes to raising kids, everyone seems to have their own set of rules and boundaries. Parents draw lines around things like bedtime, screen time, sugar intake, and sometimes, even the foods and drinks children are allowed to try.
But what happens when you’re not the parent and find yourself in charge of someone else’s child for the day? Do you have to adjust your own behavior to avoid tempting the child, or is it enough to simply enforce the rules their parents set?
This was the dilemma one Reddit user faced after an outing that sparked a debate about fairness, boundaries, and what kids can handle.
A 22-year-old man and his 20-year-old girlfriend were looking after their friend’s younger brother, a nine-year-old boy, while the friend and parents were away. To pass the time, the trio decided to stop by a café.
Like any good host, the young man asked what everyone wanted. His girlfriend ordered a lemon tea, while the boy asked if he could have coffee.
Knowing from conversations with the child’s parents that coffee was firmly off-limits, the young man said no. The boy, unfazed, shifted his request to something sweeter and safer—chocolate cake.
When the drinks arrived, the young man had his iced coffee, his girlfriend had her lemon tea, and the boy happily dug into his slice of cake. Everything seemed fine until later, when his girlfriend pulled him aside
The OP asks:
A 22-year-old man and his girlfriend looked after a friend’s 9-year-old brother for the day and took him to a café.
The boy asked for coffee, but the man said no, respecting the parents’ rule against it. The boy settled for chocolate cake instead.
The man ordered an iced coffee for himself, which later led his girlfriend to say it was unfair to drink something in front of the boy that he wasn’t allowed to have.
On Reddit, thousands of people weighed in. The overwhelming majority said he did nothing wrong.
Many pointed out that kids are constantly surrounded by things they can’t do yet—whether it’s driving a car, buying alcohol, or staying up past midnight. A nine-year-old, commenters argued, is old enough to understand that some activities and privileges are reserved for adults
He can understand that some things are for adults.
"See how ridiculous that is?"
"You wouldn't go to a bar and complain that people are drinking beer."
Being generous
"It’s not like you ate a piece of pie in front of him"
"You’re grown. You’re allowed to have coffee."
Life is unfair
9 is old enough to understand
Expert Opinion
The situation highlights a common tension in parenting where boundaries are crucial for children's growth, yet fairness can seem subjective. The young man’s choice to enjoy coffee while enforcing the parents' rules reflects the complexities of authority and autonomy in child care; it's important for kids to see adults modeling behaviors they can't yet partake in. Ultimately, navigating these moments helps children learn about limitations and self-regulation, key skills as they grow.
Parenting, and by extension child care, is full of these small judgment calls. Sometimes they’re about big things like safety; other times, they’re about small pleasures like a cup of coffee.
But in both cases, the goal is the same: helping children understand boundaries while still making them feel respected and cared for. In this story, the boy got his treat, the adults enjoyed theirs, and the world didn’t end because a nine-year-old saw someone drink coffee.
If anything, it was a quiet reminder that growing up is as much about learning what you can’t do yet as it is about what you can.
