Struggling with Exhaustion: AITA for Canceling Plans Due to Lack of Sleep?
AITA for canceling plans due to exhaustion after working long hours, even though it was to support my boyfriend on a difficult day?
In a recent Reddit post, a user shared a dilemma about canceling plans due to exhaustion after working long hours for three consecutive days. The OP's boyfriend's sister passed away 6 years ago, and on the anniversary of her death, the OP suggested plans to distract him from his sadness, but couldn't follow through due to extreme fatigue.
The OP works in the unpredictable film industry, with long hours and a 2-hour commute each way, while their boyfriend does not work and takes care of their dogs. The post sparked a lively discussion with various perspectives.
Some commenters sympathized with the OP's exhaustion, acknowledging the challenges of their demanding job and lengthy commute. Others questioned the dynamic of the relationship, pointing out red flags such as the boyfriend's lack of work and financial contribution.
Many highlighted the importance of self-care and setting boundaries, suggesting that the OP should prioritize their well-being in the situation. Overall, the thread delves into themes of empathy, boundaries, grief, and relationship dynamics, offering a diverse range of viewpoints on the situation.
Original Post
To start this off I do feel like an ass hole but also wish I had some empathy and understanding for the support I can physically/mentally provide even if it’s not EXACTLY what my boyfriend wants. Today is the 6 year anniversary of my boyfriend’s oldest sisters death and while driving to work yesterday he told me “just so you know I’ll probably be sad all day tomorrow” I responded with “your sister wouldn’t want you to sit and dwell all day so if I get paid let’s go do something, even if I don’t get paid maybe we can go on a hike or something free” he loved that idea.
The problem arouse when I did not get paid, I had to drive 2 hours back home today after a 12 hour work day last night and my friend let me stay with them (thankfully) last night but they had to be up early so I got 3 hours of sleep before I had to drive home and I just got home 3.5 hours ago. I ordered him wings when I got home and sat with him while he picked the show we watched.
After 3 hours of watching the show he says ok let’s go, I try to muster up any energy to go and eventually say “I’m so sorry I know I promised but I’m dying here! Can we please stay in today and we can watch anything you want to watch but I have no energy after working 3 days straight 2 hours away from our house, driving back and fourth the first two days after working 12 hours and now on 3 hours of sleep and just arrived home for my first day off in a minute.
He does not work but takes care of my dogs while I have to be gone so long. I also only have $7 in my bank account and 10 miles to empty in my car until I get paid which I thought would be sooner but here I am with no money, no sleep, and my boyfriend is mad at me because I broke the loose promises of going out to get his mind off his sisters death but won’t listen to anything I have to say.
All he hears is I’m a liar and an ass hole. So am I the ass hole?
Edit…. I work in the film industry.
Yesterday we were told would be a short day and we would go home early…obviously that wasn’t the case and we didn’t wrap until 2am. I do not know my hours in this industry it’s unpredictable.
I don’t work every day on set but this week I did and it happened to be farther from home than I normally work.
The Impact of Sleep Deprivation
Psychological research has shown that sleep deprivation can significantly affect cognitive functioning, emotional regulation, and overall health. According to a study by Van Dongen et al. (2003), chronic sleep deprivation can lead to decreases in cognitive performance similar to those seen in severe acute sleep deprivation. This indicates that the OP’s exhaustion after working long hours could be impacting her ability to think clearly and make rational decisions.
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Comment from u/UteLawyer
It's also important to note that sleep deprivation can affect an individual's capacity for empathy. A study by Guadagni, Burles, Ferrara, and Iaria (2014) found that lack of sleep may impair the ability to process emotional information, including empathizing with others. This could contribute to the OP’s struggle to support her boyfriend during a difficult time.
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The Importance of Self-Care
From a psychological perspective, it's crucial to prioritize self-care, which includes adequate rest, to maintain mental and physical well-being. The American Psychological Association (APA) emphasizes that self-care is a necessary part of preventing burnout and promoting overall health. In this case, the OP's decision to cancel plans due to exhaustion can be seen as an act of self-care.
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In relationships, it's vital for both partners to understand and respect each other’s needs and limitations. Research by Gager and Sanchez (2013) suggests that understanding and accommodating partners' needs can lead to happier and healthier relationships. This suggests that the OP's boyfriend should ideally understand her need for rest, especially considering her demanding work schedule.
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The Role of Communication
Effective communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. The study by Weger, Castle Bell, Minei, and Robinson (2014) emphasizes the importance of clear, empathetic communication in resolving conflicts and misunderstandings. In this situation, having an open dialogue about the OP's exhaustion and its impact on their plans could potentially help resolve the issue.
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Comment from u/11035westwind
The unpredictability and long hours associated with the film industry can certainly lead to stress and exhaustion. Research by Johnston, Jones, Charles, McCann, and McKibbin (2015) shows that irregular work schedules can contribute to sleep deprivation and psychological stress. This highlights the importance of ensuring the OP's work-life balance is maintained.
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Mental Health Awareness
Mental health awareness involves recognizing the impact of psychological factors on our everyday lives. In this case, the OP's exhaustion is not just a physical state, but a mental one as well. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), chronic sleep deprivation can lead to mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. Thus, it's crucial for the OP to address her exhaustion for her overall mental well-being.
Comment from u/name_is_arbitrary
We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
In conclusion, it's clear that the OP's exhaustion is a valid concern that needs to be addressed. The psychological impact of sleep deprivation, the importance of self-care and effective communication, and the need for mental health awareness are all factors that play into this situation. By understanding these aspects, the OP and her boyfriend can navigate this difficult time in a healthier and more supportive manner.
Expert Opinion
The situation described here speaks to the impact of physical exhaustion on our mental state and decision-making, and the importance of self-care. Sleep deprivation can cloud judgement, impair cognitive function, and reduce empathy - all of which seem to be playing out for the individual in the article. It also underscores the importance of clear communication and mutual understanding in relationships, especially during times of stress or grief.
