Is it Selfish to Ask My Family to Delay Our Move for My Career?

OP thought the promotion would be the hard part, but the real mess started at home. He got the offer, his kids were already mentally packing, and his wife was ready for a fresh start closer to family.

Then the timeline tightened. The new role means more responsibility and longer hours, and OP is worried that moving right away will turn into a nonstop blur of boxes, work stress, and family time that gets shorted. His wife is supportive but hurt, the kids are confused, and the extended family who were excited for their arrival now thinks he’s selfish.

Now he’s stuck between making the career jump and not breaking the household plans he promised everyone.

Original Post

I (31M) have been offered a promotion at work that would require me to relocate within the next few months. My wife (29F) and our two kids (5M and 7F) were excited about the move, especially since it's closer to family.

However, as the promotion involves more responsibility and longer hours, I'm concerned about balancing work and family time during the transition. For background, my wife is a stay-at-home parent, and we've been planning this move for over a year.

She's already started preparing the kids for the change, but now I feel like I may not be mentally ready to juggle both the new job and settling into a new home. I'm worried about neglecting my family amidst the chaos of moving.

I brought up the idea of delaying the move for a few months so I can ease into my new role at work before uprooting our lives. My wife is understanding but disappointed, while our kids are confused about why our plans are changing.

My extended family, who were excited about our upcoming arrival, now think I'm being selfish. So, AITA?

Should I prioritize my career and ask for a delay, or push through and risk spreading myself too thin?

Balancing Dreams and Duties

The OP's dilemma strikes a chord because it highlights that age-old conflict between personal ambition and familial obligations. Moving to another city isn’t just a logistical challenge; it’s a life-altering decision that could impact his family's dynamic and stability.

His wife and children likely have their own feelings about this change, which adds layers to an already complicated situation. It's not just about wanting to climb the career ladder; it's about considering how that climb affects everyone around him. This is a balancing act that many readers can relate to, making it a rich topic for discussion.

Comment from u/Adventure_Soul_93

Comment from u/purple_unicorn99

Comment from u/TheRealCoffeeAddict

His promotion is already on the calendar, but OP’s fear hits when he pictures himself trying to “settle in” while also handling longer hours and the move chaos his kids can feel.</p>

Caught in the Crossfire

The tension in this narrative is palpable. On one hand, OP’s request to delay the move seems reasonable given the significance of his new role. But on the other, his family's plans are already in motion, which raises questions about his priorities. Is he putting his career above his family, or is he simply trying to ensure a stable future for them all?

This situation sheds light on how career advancements often come with sacrifices that impact loved ones. The OP's internal struggle reflects a broader societal issue: the pressure to succeed professionally can sometimes overshadow essential family commitments, leading to feelings of guilt and resentment on both sides.

Comment from u/Cats_and_Coffee_123

Comment from u/PizzaLover22

Comment from u/RandomThoughts44

That’s when OP floated delaying the move by a few months, and his wife’s disappointment shows up right alongside her understanding.</p>

This is similar to the AITA dad who asked to delay his family’s moving plans for his promotion.

Community Divided

The responses on Reddit reveal a divided community, with some backing the OP’s career-driven decision and others calling him selfish for even asking. This split response showcases the complexity of familial loyalty versus personal ambition. Many commenters empathize with the OP's desire for professional growth, seeing it as crucial for long-term family welfare.

Conversely, those who feel he’s being selfish highlight the emotional toll a sudden relocation can impose on his family. It raises the question: when does pursuing a personal goal become a burden on loved ones? This kind of debate is common in situations where family and career expectations collide, making the story resonate deeply.

Comment from u/SunflowerDreamer_7

Comment from u/Moonlight_Melody_88

Comment from u/CloudyDayDream_101

Things go from tense to explosive when the extended family, who were hyped for their arrival, start calling him selfish for changing the plan after a year of preparation.</p>

The Fear of Regret

Another layer to this narrative is the fear of regret. The OP might be worried that if he doesn’t take this opportunity, he could miss out on a pivotal moment in his career—a chance that might not come again. This fear can be paralyzing and lead to significant decisions that don’t just affect him but his entire family.

When weighing immediate vs. long-term benefits, it’s easy to see why OP feels torn. If he stays, he risks stagnation; if he goes, he risks his family's stability. This conflict is a microcosm of the struggles many face in today’s fast-paced work environment, where the stakes are often extremely high.

Comment from u/StarlitSky_Watcher

By the time everyone is reacting, OP is basically asking whether he should push through the move to protect his career, or pause so he doesn’t drop the ball at home.</p>

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!.

The Bottom Line

This story underscores the challenging balancing act between personal ambition and family responsibilities.

Why This Matters

The OP’s dilemma truly captures the tension between career advancement and family commitments. While he’s excited about his promotion and the potential benefits for his family, he’s understandably worried about how the added responsibilities might affect their well-being during a significant transition. This situation reflects a common struggle many face: balancing personal ambition with the needs of loved ones, highlighting the complexities of modern life.

He might be chasing the next step up, but the family dinner is the one that could ruin the whole thing.

Still wondering if you can ask your family to relocate for a job, read what this AITA poster faced when they wanted to move for their new role.