Is it Wrong to Request a Raise After a Colleague Gets Promoted Over You?
AITA for requesting a raise after a colleague got promoted over me? Colleague was uncomfortable, boss expressed concerns about my approach.
A 28-year-old woman thought she was having a normal workplace conversation, until it turned into a full-on boss meeting. Her colleague, a 30-year-old man, had just gotten the promotion she wanted, and the way she reacted is now living rent-free in her head.
They both applied for the same promotion with similar experience, but he was chosen. She congratulated him, then later asked him in a team setting what he did to prepare, hoping to learn. Except the “learning” moment quickly became her saying she deserved it too, and then she brought up asking for a raise because she felt undervalued.
Now she’s stuck wondering if she was wrong for pushing back after the promotion, or if her boss just saw it as workplace drama waiting to happen.
Original Post
So, I'm (28F) and I've been working at my company for about 3 years now. Recently, a promotion opportunity came up, and both my colleague (30M) and I applied for it.
We both have similar experience levels and skills, but in the end, he was chosen for the promotion. I was disappointed, but I tried to be supportive and congratulated him.
However, I couldn't shake off the feeling of being overlooked. One day, during a team meeting, I mustered up the courage to ask my colleague how he prepared for the interview and if he had any advice for me in the future.
He shared some tips, but then I couldn't help myself and mentioned how I felt I deserved the promotion too. I even brought up the idea of asking for a raise since I felt undervalued.
My colleague seemed taken aback and slightly uncomfortable. The next day, our boss pulled me aside and expressed concern over how I addressed the promotion with my colleague.
He mentioned that it was inappropriate to bring up my dissatisfaction with the decision and hinted that it could affect my future growth opportunities within the company. I left the conversation feeling conflicted.
Did I handle the situation poorly? Am I the a*****e for asking for a raise after my colleague got promoted over me?
This situation really highlights the tricky nature of workplace dynamics. The OP's request for a raise after her colleague's promotion not only raises eyebrows but also brings to light the uncomfortable reality of perceived favoritism. When someone else gets promoted, it’s not just about the promotion itself; it’s about the unspoken judgments that follow. Did the boss see something in the colleague that the OP didn't? That's an uncomfortable question that many employees face, and it can lead to feelings of resentment.
Moreover, the colleague's discomfort at the OP's request adds another layer of complexity. It speaks to the idea that workplace relationships can be fragile, and one person's career move can ripple out and affect others in unexpected ways. It’s a tangled web of ambition, jealousy, and the struggle for validation.
The moment OP congratulated him and moved on, it sounded mature, but the promotion still left a sore spot she couldn’t ignore.
Comment from u/TheTeaDrinker
YTA - You should have discussed potential raise opportunities directly with your boss, not put your colleague in an awkward position
Comment from u/sleepingpanda987
NTA - It's understandable to feel undervalued after being passed over for a promotion. However, the way you approached it might not have been the best choice
During that team meeting, OP asked for interview advice from her coworker, then pivoted straight into “I deserve it,” which is where the vibe flipped.
Comment from u/boogie_mnstr
YTA - Bringing up your disappointment with your colleague was unprofessional and could harm your working relationship. It's best to address compensation concerns with your superiors directly
It also echoes what happened when OP confronted their boss over unfair project assignments and recognition, then wondered about escalating to HR.
Comment from u/jammin_jellybean
YTA - While it's natural to feel upset about not getting the promotion, venting to your colleague and hinting at a raise was not the right approach. Discussing salary with HR or your manager would have been more appropriate
When the coworker looked taken aback and uncomfortable, it turned a career conversation into something personal, and OP’s timing did not help.
Comment from u/techielicious21
NTA - It's tough not getting a promotion you hoped for, but it's important to handle such disappointments professionally. Maybe consider discussing your career growth and compensation with HR or your supervisor for future opportunities
We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.
The next day, the boss pulled OP aside and warned her that how she handled the promotion conversation could affect her future growth, and now she’s questioning everything.
The Cost of Self-Advocacy
The OP's decision to ask for a raise is an example of self-advocacy, but it’s also a gamble. On one hand, she’s standing up for her worth in a competitive environment. On the other, she risks alienating herself from her colleagues and even her boss, who has expressed concerns about her approach. This is a classic example of a moral grey area—when is it appropriate to advocate for yourself, and when does it cross the line into unprofessionalism?
What’s particularly interesting is how divided the community reaction has been. Some commenters support the OP's choice, arguing that she deserves to be compensated fairly regardless of her colleague’s promotion. Others caution that her timing and method might come off as tone-deaf, which could have long-term repercussions on her reputation within the company.
The Bigger Picture
This story serves as a reminder of the complexities surrounding workplace promotions and personal advocacy. The OP’s situation isn’t just about a raise; it’s about navigating the fine line between standing up for oneself and maintaining professional relationships. As readers reflect on this tale, it raises an intriguing question: how do you advocate for yourself in a competitive work environment without stepping on others’ toes?
The situation described highlights the emotional turmoil that can arise when promotions create perceived inequities among colleagues. The OP's feelings of being undervalued after her colleague's promotion led her to seek validation through a raise request, reflecting a natural inclination to assert her worth. However, her choice to discuss these feelings with her colleague, rather than addressing them with management, not only surprised him but also raised concerns from their boss about professionalism in the workplace. This scenario underscores the delicate balance between self-advocacy and maintaining healthy workplace relationships, a challenge many face in competitive environments.
Her boss might not be mad that she wanted more, he might be mad that she asked for it in the worst possible moment.
Wait till you see why this coworker refused to credit salary negotiation tips that got them promoted.
