Jewish Mom Wants To Know If She's Wrong For Not Letting Her Kids Celebrate Christmas After Her MIL Raged Over It

Not everyone knows this, but Judaism is more than a religion; it's also an ethnicity. While, on one hand, it would be easy to say that the Jewish people have survived against all odds over the centuries because of their ability to both maintain their traditions and cultural identity while assimilating to the local cultures they seek refuge in, it is also important to note the significance of not fully assimilating and maintaining their identities.

The Jewish people have survived through that delicate balance of assimilation and anti-assimilation, and today, more than ever, the conversation has morphed for Jews, especially those living in predominantly Christian cultures like the United States. The United States may not have a formal religion, but you'd be hard-pressed to convince many people from other religions that the country doesn't seem to function around the lifestyles, holidays, and belief systems of Christians.

It's very likely that if you asked a handful of Jewish people a simple question, you would get three to four times as many responses and opinions as you thought possible. That's probably why questions like the one discussed on Reddit recently ended up pulling in so much attention.

OP wanted to know if she was wrong for not bringing her Jewish children to her Jewish in-laws' Christmas celebration... and nearly 3,400 comments later, the discussion was quite educational.

This Jewish mama came to r/AmITheAsshole to ponder to the masses if it was rational of her to decline taking her kids to her in-laws' Christmas celebration.

xojaylewox

Let's jump right in.

xojaylewox

OP knew her Jewish husband's Jewish family celebrated a cultural Christmas.

xojaylewox

Everyone involved was very much Jewish, though.

xojaylewox

Wow, MIL went THERE?

xojaylewox

Cultural appropriation sounds like a stretch; Christianity is an open religion and practice, but it's pretty weird for Jews to celebrate it... or is it?

xojaylewox

A quick and relevant note:

xojaylewox medium

Front and center, the conversation began about whether or not Christmas is still a Christian holiday.

valathel

Is it a good question?

curiouspandimonium

OP said everyone had a fun-filled, present-opening Hanukkah celebration, too.

whereisthetvchanger / feedwatertroll

There are a lot of different levels of Jewish identity and observance.

Syrinx221 / JLHuston

An important note:

StandardThrow_Away

u/Snoo_3303 said:

"I am all for the OP doing whatever she deems appropriate. But as an atheist, Christmas isn’t solely religious. It’s a federal holiday with an extensive cultural background that is separate from the religion."

and LunaNik added:

"Most Christmas traditions are pagan in origin, including the tree with lights, which is sympathetic magic to hasten the return of Spring. If Christians can celebrate the Winter Solstice, I see no reason why Jews can’t."

u/felixkhans responded:

"That doesn’t mean it’s not a Christian holiday… people often say Christmas isn’t religious to shut down Jewish people who feel alienated by how pervasive it is. My family is secular Christian—I’ve never felt a religious connection to Christmas. But it’s still a culturally Christian holiday, even if God doesn’t make an appearance.(Edit: once again, people replying to this trying to explain how it’s not religious are proving my point… tell me the Christmas story and then explain how it’s not religious 😂)"

Out of thousands of comments declaring OP "YTA," an entirely different picture was painted by Jewish users chiming in.

slpersons

Interesting point:

barkbarkkrabkrab

This next comment was in response to a user emphasizing how many non-Christians celebrate Christmas. Many people who did not grow up in or are part of a marginalized religion don't realize that just because atheists and non-Christians celebrate Christmas, that doesn't explicitly make Christmas hegemony a secular event, holiday, or occasion, and quite a few Redditors had a lot to say to that sentiment.

Problematic:

BabY_pot4to

OP responded to the comment about Christmas not being religious to say that she saw it as a religious holiday. This user backed her up:

DiscoBlunt

Forced assimilation is something many Jews are very familiar with.

wemustnotlosehope

Let's get into the grit of the greater conversation at hand here:

thepinkonesoterrify

It's literally in the name...

BrynLovesBlueberries BrynLovesBlueberries

Your experience and perspective are reflective of your privilege.

BrynLovesBlueberries

NTA!!

BrynLovesBlueberries

Something people need to understand:

DrinkingSocks

OP repeatedly had to explain to non-Jewish Redditors commenting that her Jewish in-laws have no real reason to celebrate Christmas as it is, but that doesn't mean she wants her children celebrating it.

xojaylewox

There's definitely an element of "this is nuanced" when it comes to the American Jewish experience.

JLHuston JLHuston

There's a saying: two Jews, three opinions... wink-wink.

brokebecauseavocado / chupachups75

It's no surprise that another marginalized religion (in the US) can relate to OP's situation.

Nyankh

Honestly!

FoolMe1ncShameOnU

It's not the argument y'all think it is.

Heatseeker81514

Was this the best place to ask this question? Probably not.

Blue_Jay27 / xojaylewox

Thankfully, even with thousands of comments, there was a solid amount of Jewish support.

circejane

Honestly.

HippopotamusFart

Let's talk about it.

Coyote-Zero

It's odd.

Zorro6855 / Odd-Plant4779

The weird factor.

DinaFelice DinaFelice

An Atheist Jew chimes in:

stannenb

NTA

FoolMe1ncShameOnU FoolMe1ncShameOnU

PERIOD

FoolMe1ncShameOnU

Rewriting history? Check.

ErnestBatchelder

People DO get comfortable.

whateverthrowaway00

Right?

18hourbruh

Thanks

SinaSpaceToaster

It's odd.

Zorro6885 / Odd-Plant4770

Let's go.

BadWolfOfficial / Snoo_33033

Honestly.

tenor

Author and relationship expert Dr. Esther Perel has discussed the complexities surrounding cultural and religious celebrations, emphasizing the importance of understanding their roots. She states, "Traditions often carry deep cultural significance, and when we try to universalize them, we risk diluting their meaning." This perspective aligns with the notion that Christmas, while celebrated by many in a secular context, is deeply intertwined with Christian traditions. Dr. Perel further notes, "The challenge lies in navigating these traditions without losing sight of their origins." The commercialization of Christmas can lead to misunderstandings about its true nature, as she points out, "When we frame a holiday as 'for everyone,' we often overlook the specific cultural narratives that define it." This sentiment resonates with many who feel that Jewish holidays, such as Hanukkah, should remain within their community. Dr. Perel's insights highlight the delicate balance between personal celebration and the broader implications of cultural appropriation.

MIL's choices don't have to be OP's

bluebell4345

Very well said.

veryanxiousopossum

Of course, what better way to spread holiday cheer than making this final edit necessary for OP?

xojaylewox

It's not what you'd expect: that the holidays would become such a tumultuous time for so many families, but it seems inescapable. The holidays bring chaos, debates, and drama for families of all walks of life, and now we can only hope that OP resolved the conflict with her in-laws, especially after the intense conversation thousands of people had about the whole situation.

What holiday traditions do you participate in? Let us know in the comment section now.