15 Lessons That Parents Tried To Teach Their Kids, But Backfired On Them

Any parent can confirm that kids are machines made for ruthlessly exploiting our weaknesses and finding loopholes in the rules we set for them. How many times have we tried to teach them a lesson or make some rule, only to see it backfire on us and leave us speechless?

The list would be very long, and there is not enough paper in the world. If you think you are alone, think again.

These parents are sharing their “backfire” stories on Reddit, and I can tell you—most of them look pretty darn familiar. Take a look, and you will definitely see the resemblance to your kids too.

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The Impact of Parenting Styles

Research by Diana Baumrind identifies four primary parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful. Each style significantly influences children's development and outcomes. For instance, authoritative parenting, which combines warmth with structure, leads to better social competence and emotional regulation in children.

In contrast, authoritarian parenting often results in higher levels of anxiety and lower self-esteem. Understanding these styles can help parents reflect on their approaches, promoting healthier communication and fostering resilience in their children, according to studies published in the American Psychological Association.

15. Lesson learned, but he still wants that monkey.

“When my older son was about three or four years old, we realized he was starting to act very spoiled and materialistic. We always tried to make him see how lucky he already had it, but he constantly begged us for every toy, candy, and treat he saw anywhere and everywhere.

Around that time, I came across a great photo spread that involved the photographer traveling around the world and snapping photos of different children with their most prized possessions. Of course, the kids in the U.S., Canada, and Europe were mostly photographed in rooms filled with stuff. But there were also photos of children from impoverished nations, usually showing the child with only one old, dirty stuffed animal.

I thought I was going to accomplish this brilliant parenting move by sitting him down and going through the photos with him. I’d explain how the kids with rooms like his were beyond lucky and that he should feel more than satisfied with all of the great stuff that he had. Then I would show him the other photos, and he would finally understand that there are so many other children in the world with far less than he had.

We looked through the photos and talked about each one. We finally got to one with a little boy standing on his cot with his one possession, a well-loved, dingy-looking stuffed monkey. My son looked at it for a long time. I could see his wheels spinning. “Success!” I thought. After a long bit of silence, he finally looked up at me, gave me a sweet smile, and said, “I want that monkey.”

14. Nice move.

My dad tried to implement the whole “you MUST eat ALL the food on your plate” rule in our house during meals. My mom was never a fan of that lesson, but my dad was stubborn, so she just let it go. Well, one day my sibling had 2-3 bites of food left on their plate and was very clear that they were absolutely full and couldn’t eat another bite. Dad wasn't having it and insisted they could not leave the table until all the food on their plate was gone. My sibling realized they weren't going to convince our dad that they were too full and finished the last few bites, then proceeded to vomit on the table and on our dad. He stopped enforcing the rule after that.

13. You should teach your kids how to lie. Not to do it, but to know how to do it, just in case…

“In order not to teach him how to “lie better,” I never challenged his lying, and we just told him what needed to be fixed. I never told him how I knew he was lying; I just avoided confronting him and got to the point of what needed fixing, despite his attempts to deny it.

For example, if someone ate all the brownies and his mouth and fingers were stained with chocolate, I never told him, “I can tell you are lying because of the evidence.” I just said he now had to make a new batch or do chores because the old batch was gone. I figured, “Hey, he’ll figure out that eating the brownies and lying about it still had consequences.”

Thus, he never really got very good at lying. But he keeps trying, which is the part I didn’t expect. He’s 28 now and just terrible at it because he doesn’t understand how people can so easily figure it out. This has socially crippled him in ways I did not understand when he was young.

I think learning how to lie is essential to social development, and I thought I was being all high and moral. Oops.”

12. He showed them…

“Playing carnival/fair games is a waste of money. My son wanted to spend his $20 to win a Pikachu stuffed animal from his allowance that he saved up. We told him he would be wasting his money and that he would not win. He spent $15.00 and won the biggest prize.”

11. And she couldn’t show she was happy.

“My sister tried to teach her kids not to gamble. She bought a few lottery tickets to show them that they were all going to be losers. She won $500…”

10. I saw Mickey, now I can do as I want.

“Not a parent, but my in-laws love telling this story about my fiancé.

He was resistant to potty training, and they eventually got him to start using the potty by telling him that he had to be out of pull-ups before a family trip to Disney World because “Mickey Mouse only sees big boys and girls.” And also, who wants to lug a diaper bag around Disney?

Anyway, it went great; they had a great trip… and the day after they got back, he took a poop in the living room. When asked, he said, “I don’t gotta use the potty because I already saw Mickey Mouse.” They very firmly told him that if he was old enough to use logic, he was far too old for diapers, and that was the end of that.”

9. Only in a case of emergency, kid…

“I saw a clip on local news about a toddler saving her mom’s life by calling 911 when she collapsed. I figured it was a good idea to teach my toddler about 911. I had two cops at my door five minutes later.”

8. Auditions…

“When my daughter was 10, she wanted to try out for a community theater version of Beauty and the Beast. She got nervous, though, and almost backed out because she was so sure she wasn’t going to make it.

My husband, who did some acting in high school, stepped in and said that he would also audition, even though he knew he was never going to make it. He wanted to demonstrate to her that it’s okay to audition for something that you don’t think you’re going to make.

She ended up not only making it, but she got the part of Chip. My husband got the part of Maurice, Belle’s father. He didn’t even want to be in a goddamn play.”

7. The usual suspects.

“Not a parent, but as a child, I noticed my sister was writing her name on the walls when she was drawing on them with crayon. Taking on the role of Helpful Big Sister, I informed her that if she was going to graffiti things, she shouldn’t write her name and give herself away.

A few weeks later, she was carving patterns into the wooden desk in the study and carved my name into it instead.”

6. Pretty Yellow

“I taught my now 16-year-old to always compliment people who insulted you. We were in a Burlington Coat Factory in Michigan when my mother was shopping for a bathing suit to take to Florida. There were few to choose from, so she was complaining. My kid was 4.

A woman trying on pants said something rude to my mom, who was asking my opinion, and my daughter caught on that my mother was agitated. She squeezed out from behind me and told the woman,

“Your teeth are such a pretty yellow!”

5. Boy’s got a point.

“I wanted to teach my son the value of money and work ethic because he kept wanting Robux… I decided it would be a great teaching moment and a win-win opportunity as he was just getting to the age at which I thought he should start doing chores around the house. He really wanted to buy some skin or something, so I created a chore chart and gave each chore a value. We established a schedule and everything. It was working out majestically; every day without asking, he was doing dishes, cleaning his room, and picking up the dog poop. It was epic. Then one day, I came home and nothing had been done. I asked him, “Hey man, what’s up with the dishes? Oh, and go pick up the dog poop too.” He simply replied, “Nah.” Fighting back rage, I simply said, “Excuse me?” He said he made enough money over the last few days that he bought his skin and he was good now. It was hard to argue.”

4. Until the end of time.

“I told my children they should always have a good reason for what they want to do as a way to curb impulsive behavior.

I am hearing about ALL THE REASONS constantly.”

3. Teach the kids about Police

“When I was about 2 years old, my family was at a game in Angel’s Stadium. My mother went to the restroom and left me and my siblings with my dad. While he was busy watching, I wandered off. When they eventually found me, I was halfway around the stadium. A crowd had gathered to watch as a police officer held me out at arm's length while I screamed, “Call the police, this man is not my daddy,” over and over again. My parents had taught me about stranger danger but forgot to teach me what police look like.”

2. I’ll wait in the car

“Nanny, not a parent. A 2-year-old was refusing to wear her hat. It was hot. I told her if she didn’t put her hat on, she would have to wait in the car. She started walking away from me. “Where are you going?” …“Car.”

1. And now he is a stuntman.

“My youngest boy would never listen, and he was always totally fearless. He was also always really lucky. Damn near every time either of us told him, “Don’t do that, you’re going to get hurt,” he would do it and then not get hurt. So we ended up teaching him that when we said not to do something, that probably meant it was a fun thing to do. I remember really hoping that he would fall and break an arm or something non-life-threatening or disabling like that so he would stop constantly giving us heart attacks, which is weird to say as a parent, but it never happened, so it doesn’t matter anyway. He never got anything worse than a small scrape or cut that could be cleaned and covered in five minutes before he was back at it again. Looking back, I’m just glad this was before there was anything like Jackass around to further encourage that behavior.

Now he’s a stuntman for movies. Can’t say I’m surprised.”

The Impact of Parenting Styles

Psychological research highlights that parenting styles can significantly shape a child's emotional and social development. Studies show that authoritarian and overly controlling parenting often leads to increased anxiety and lower self-esteem in children. This is because such approaches can hinder a child's ability to develop autonomy and self-efficacy, critical components of healthy adult functioning.

For instance, a meta-analysis published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reveals a clear connection between overprotective parenting and maladaptive coping strategies in young adults. Children raised in these environments may struggle with decision-making and independence, which can lead to difficulties in adult relationships and careers.

Moreover, the lessons parents intend to convey can backfire when they are rooted in fear rather than understanding. A study by Dr. Diana Baumrind emphasizes the importance of authoritative parenting, which balances a child's need for autonomy with appropriate guidance. Children who experience this balanced approach tend to develop better social skills and a stronger sense of identity.

Practical steps for parents include fostering open communication, allowing children to express their feelings, and encouraging problem-solving rather than immediately providing solutions. This not only builds resilience but also empowers children to learn from their mistakes, ultimately leading to healthier adult behaviors.

Psychological Analysis

This phenomenon illustrates the complexities of parental influence on a child's development. Often, parents act from a place of love but may unintentionally instill fear or anxiety through their methods. Recognizing these patterns allows for more conscious parenting, ultimately fostering healthier emotional outcomes for children.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research supports the idea that parenting, while often well-intentioned, can lead to unintended consequences that affect a child's emotional well-being. As psychological studies reveal, understanding the impact of these lessons is crucial for fostering healthier relationships in adulthood. Creating a nurturing environment that respects a child's individuality can not only prevent these backfires but also enhance their development into confident adults.

Developmental psychologists highlight the importance of modeling behavior in parenting. Children learn not just from direct instruction but also by observing their parents’ actions. Research published in the journal Child Development shows that children emulate behaviors they perceive as successful or valued within their family context.

This phenomenon underscores the necessity for parents to embody the values they wish to instill, ensuring consistency between words and actions. Parents might consider reflecting on their behaviors to align teaching moments with their demonstrated values.

In summary, parenting is a complex interplay of behaviors and outcomes influenced by various psychological principles. Research consistently emphasizes that children thrive in environments that balance structure, warmth, and authenticity. As noted by experts, fostering open communication and leading by example can significantly enhance parental effectiveness.

Moreover, understanding the nuances of different parenting styles aids in creating a supportive environment. To cultivate resilience and adaptability, parents should engage in self-reflection and adapt their approaches to meet their children's evolving needs.