Women On Reddit Share Their Revelations After Marrying The Wrong Person

Finding that "the one" person with whom you would spend the rest of your life until death does you apart is something that almost everyone in the world strives for. And when you finally find what you were looking for, how can you be certain that's it, and from all people in the world that he is your destiny.

Is there some pattern that could help your dilemma or questions you both should be answering? Or depth in your heart, you just know that your searching is over and you have found your perfect, compatible other halves for the rest of your life?

Well, those questions concern many couples. Excessive doubt can even destroy the beautiful relationship you have built together.

So, we come back to the beginning, how can you know that your partner is the perfect one for you? Probably we will never find out for sure, but that doesn't mean that he is not, and doubt is a normal thought when it comes to life's decision-making.

Unfortunately, people naturally change their perceptions of views over time. This process goes with maturing personality and certain circumstances.

Sometimes that change leads people to divorce after years in a happy marriage. Either way, it's their choice, and it couldn't be bad for them, so they continue searching for their other soulmate.

A Reddit user had her doubts and wanted to know women's experiences who married someone that wasn't the one and how these relationships are going. Many women responded to her question, and here are some enlightening stories.

1. They are just wasting each other's time.

"My partner and I are doing alright. We communicate well enough and we support each other well. Is he "the one"? I don't think so. I don't feel a passionate love between us and I'm not super sexually attracted to him (even though he is conventionally good-looking). We have been together for four years on and off. We live together. But if he asked me to marry him, I would say no. That's usually a good way to determine whether you're 'meant to be'."Reddit

2. He wasn't a good person.

"It drained my soul. And he turned out to be not such a good person.Divorced for many years now, amicable for a few years. Once he met his now-wife it turned very antagonistic and mean."Reddit

3. She knows what she has chosen, and she stays with her decision.

"I chose my husband because he meets a lot of my needs, and I love him for that and for who he is. He’s not a GQ model, he’s not rich, and yes, sometimes he bugs the crap out of me. But I chose him. And I chose to love him for who he is rather than holding out for the idea of 'the one'. "Reddit

4. "I personally don’t believe in “the one”."

"I personally don’t believe in “the one,” I believe in making a choice just like with anything else. We choose our partners based on a long list of reasons of everything from looks to how comfortable we are with them, etc... I chose my husband because he meets a lot of my needs, and I love him for that and for who he is. He’s not a GQ model, he’s not rich and yes sometimes he bugs the crap out of me, but I chose him. And I choose to love him for who he is rather than hold out for the idea of “the one". "Reddit

5. Didn't go well.

"It went exactly as you would think; past tense."Reddit

6. It's going fairly well".

"It's going fairly well — ups and downs for six years now. He works long hours and I love spending time on my own! It’s harder when we have his kids, as I have no desire to be a mother, but I’m better at organizing than him, so I take on a childminder role anyway. Hoping for the world to open up soon, as one of the things we enjoy is a romantic getaway. I love him, but I’m not in love with him."Reddit

7. Love knows no age.

"I fell unexpectantly in love with a man 31 years older than me. It creeped me out because I was in this cycle of dating guys five years younger than me. He kept giving me gifts, helping me and taking me to lunch. We somehow were married five months after meeting. Even after a year of marriage, I couldn't wrap my head around him being so old. I was always holding out for someone in my age range. After a decade I realize that he is definitely the one and realize that men in my age group are stroke-inducing. It's going well."Reddit

8. "Life isn’t perfect".

"It went well for 10+ years. We are now apart but co-parenting. Life isn’t perfect, but that’s ok."Reddit

9. There is love but no romance.

"My husband now is good. He's a fine person, a strong provider, he makes me laugh, the sex is satisfying. We can talk to each other easily. It's just not the 'IN LOVE' experience that everyone says they want. Don't get me wrong: There is love. But the romance/Prince Charming/ride-or-die thing is not there. I'm in this for the long haul. So is my husband."Reddit

10. He became a nightmare.

Reddit

11. Really disappointing.

"We got divorced after 3 years bc he wasn’t the one and he turned out to not actually be a good person either. I settled because I wanted a family but actually ended up wasting even more time by staying with the wrong person. Now I’m divorced and 40 with no children and no partner."Reddit

12. A true "the one" has been found.

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13. She found what she was looking for.

"Will be six years together in a few months. He is the kindest person I know and he has always treated me with nothing but respect. He is the definition of a good man. And — I can't explain how I know this — but from the depths of my heart, I just know that he will never, ever hurt me. And safe is what I need to feel."Reddit

14. They are friends, but barely a couple.

"I didn't know he wasn't right until our first argument after getting married. I was convinced at that point that we would get divorced one day. I'm still pretty sure it will happen eventually. We have been married for seven years and have three kids. We keep our finances separate. I have protected myself in case of a divorce. We are great friends and he is a good dad."Reddit

15. "There’s no such thing as “the one”."

"There’s no such thing as “the one”. This is a toxic idea that destroys relationships that might otherwise work out. People are compatible with you or not. And then there are principles of marriage that you follow to have success. People don’t follow these principles and then they rationalize with this idea that they just weren’t soulmates. It’s tragic."Reddit

16. "It’s a struggle but it’s not a nightmare".

"Married for five years, together for 16 years. It isn’t always easy. We’re in a rough spot and it’s easy after every issue to think, 'I knew I never should have stayed with him.' Sometimes I wonder if I’m being a coward... My husband adores me and is a good man but does not fulfill me intellectually, is emotionally immature, and we are on different planets of sexual desire. It’s a struggle but it’s not a nightmare".Reddit

17. Butterflies are overrated.

"I was convinced "the one" was going to give me butterflies and be overwhelmed by my presence. When I met my current partner, none of those things were true. I kept questioning it, being like, 'Something's wrong. I don’t know if he’s the one.' We’ve been together for a while and I’m glad I didn’t listen to those shreds of doubt. Butterflies are overrated. My partner shows up for me every day, and we have built a really strong and solid foundation."Reddit

18. "We live a decent life".

"It’s going. I know it’s not right, but he is a good person. Sometimes I want so much more. Right now, it would cost me so much to leave, and I do have a love for him. Our children have a great support system between us, and we live a decent life."Reddit

19. Very happy.

"Pretty good. It wasn’t really a honeymoon at the start but we have now been together for five years and are very happy."Reddit

20. "We were too incompatible romantically".

"He’s wonderful, a big part of my life and my best friend. We’ve already agreed that he will be my maid of honor and I will be his best man. Sadly we were too incompatible romantically but it’s turned into a fantastic friendship. He even chats to and plays games with my other half."Reddit

21. "Sometimes "the one" is an ideal based on youthful priorities".

"Married for 28 years! We have had our ups and downs, but to be honest, he was the one — I just didn't know it at the time. Sometimes "the one" is an ideal based on youthful priorities, but with maturity, you realize some of those qualities aren't as important anymore... I might add too, that I ran into 'the one' again a few years back. Was not impressed, and I think I made a good escape there!"Reddit

22. Divorced.

"Divorced. Currently remarried and sometimes I could wring his neck, but it feels SO good to truly be in love and be attracted to him."Reddit

23. Choose a man who is a good person.

"I don’t believe in The One TM so I married a man who is an incredible human being. I spend my time working on our partnership with a very pragmatic view."Reddit

24. They weren't a good match.

"It became clear after 8 months in that he never wanted a relationship, just a girlfriend as a sign of successful "adulting" and to not show up at family functions alone anymore. All the time, I was completely committed to the relationship even though I knew he wasn't the one from the get-go.My saving grace was that I found my dream job roughly 2 hours away from where we lived (we lived in the same town, just not together). I was eager to move away and finally pull the plug. I still would have broken up with him anyway, but I was glad to be moving far (enough) away.Two weeks before I officially ended it, he told me that if one of his friends was dating someone like me, he would tell him to run and never look back. So I quoted this in the breakup and asked him what exactly he thought would happen? If he felt that I would want to stay after being told something like this? He said, and I kid you not, that he thought that by saying this to me that I would try to be a better girlfriend."Reddit

25. Great team together, but very different personalities.

"Twenty years of marriage and three kids later, we are very good partners and make a great team. However, I am somewhat sad about how little we have in common outside of that."Reddit

26. Loneliness took over.

"It went bad. Staying in a relationship like that for me felt like giving up a piece of me. It's mature to compromise yes, but do it for the right reasons with the right person for you. If your truth is to feel safe, if that's the most important always, then go for it. I personally felt a void, something missing. I felt ultimately lonely and we broke up."Reddit

27. "Never fell in love with him"

"It has gotten better with work. He’s a good man and I love him, but I never fell in love with him. At the time we met I didn’t want or need that. I needed safety and stability. Now that we’ve settled into life together, I’ve embraced those traits he brings, and when I get the urge for something more exciting, I find it in other ways".Reddit

28. Terrified.

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29. "It ended years ago."

"It ended years ago. Like some others have said when you feel that someone isn’t “the one” it’s usually your mind trying to indicate to you that something is off. After some years I realized my emotional needs just weren’t being met no matter how hard he tried. Also, while I was attracted to him, he was not my physical type so when the going got rough, I didn’t want to sleep with him. Now, I prioritize emotional compatibility and physical attraction more than I had in the past."Reddit

30. "I'm mostly happy."

"It's going decently well. We have some communication issues to work on (as well as emotional maturity on my partner's side), but otherwise, it's functional and I'm mostly happy."Reddit

31. She loves him, but he is a horrible partner.

"I don’t know ... I’m definitely with the one, but we are miserable as we are not very compatible.So, I don’t know ... I’ve always wondered if I could be with someone I wasn’t passionate about. I want to say yes, but I also have to be honest with myself. I am not sure I would be happy and may end up being tempted outside the relationship.I had tried the practical route before and it didn’t work out. So I determined to marry for nothing but love. God knows I love him more than anything or anyone, but he is just a horrible partner."Reddit

We all expect perfection from our lives, including our partners, but could it be perfect? Whenever you have some doubt, you should wonder yourself are you perfect, and how would you feel if you swapped roles with your partner, perhaps that helps you to see things clearly and to solve your doubt.

For a relationship to be successful the key factors are mutual communication, love, and understanding. Keep that in mind and enjoy a healthy and happy partnership.