31 Men Reveal Their Biggest Regrets About Getting Married

Husbands share why they wish they hadn’t gotten married.

Filip

Published in Community
October 25, 2024

31 Men Reveal Their Biggest Regrets About Getting Married

Before marriage, many people imagine an idealized version of what married life should be. They often imagine a future filled with love, happiness, and harmony, believing marriage will fulfill all their emotional needs.

This dream can lead some to rush into marriage without fully understanding the challenges that come with it. However, reality can be different, as marriage doesn't always lead to the everlasting happiness that many expect.

Life can be unpredictable, and marriage brings its own set of complexities. Challenges such as emotional distance, unmet expectations, and growing apart can make people reflect on their choice to get married.

This gap between expectation and reality can lead to frustration, with some couples feeling that their marriage isn't living up to the dream they initially had. Recently, many men have turned to online communities like Reddit to share their personal experiences and regrets regarding marriage.

Their stories reveal deep emotional struggles, feelings of disappointment, and moments of doubt that have led them to rethink the foundation of their relationships. Their confessions offer the truth between the idealized vision of marriage they once held and the harsh realities they face.

If you are curious to find out what married men regret about, scroll down.

"Getting married when I was too young, 21, not old enough to know a lot of things that I should have known."

'Settling' instead of 'waiting'

Being married to an abusive narcissist

"Not putting in the effort that is expected. My wife put in all the effort and I didn't try hard enough."

"My wife and I both agree: we got married because our families, and society in general, expected it."

"We have no regrets--our marriage is pretty good--but the relationship isn't *better* in any way for us being married. Married or not, we're definitely happier together than apart, though."

"I made a poor choice in women"

"Shockingly, not much. My marriage only lasted 5 or 6 years.

I made a poor choice in women, or rather I ignored the red flags that were waving in my face like a Communist parade. Thing is though, I wouldn't change any of the marriage part of it.

My X-Wife turned out to be more awful that I thought though. When my gay kid came out (over a decade after we split), she actually told her "Why don't you try being normal" which still pisses me off to this day.

But again, I don't regret the time I spent with her. It helped forge me into who I am.

While it all went down in flames, I learned a lot in those few brief years and I ended up with a kid who I love with all my heart. She's the best part of my life.

She also doesn't even see her mother anymore. Once that whole "be normal" thing went down, that was it.

I regret very little of my life. I've had a great one. Even now at middle age, I'm not going to sit here and look back wondering "what if?".

Of course I could have made some better choices. A lot of them in fact.

But as long as you learn from your mistakes, these aren't wasted experiences. I'm not the smartest guy in the room, but I never make the same mistake twice.

And I feel like regret, wondering what might have been, fawning over the past, it's all a waste of the present. At least that's how I try to live."

"I was manipulated into marrying a woman that turned out to be profoundly violently mentally ill."

"I knew she had issues but had no idea how severe. I should have trusted my gut instinct.

The final time 20 years ago she was committed to a psych ward I grabbed custody and a restraining order. Always trust your instincts."

"Biggest regret is not pushing to meet her family sooner."

"We dated for 6 years long distance before I saw her mom and dad and sister interact at a dinner table. It revealed so much about my wife’s behaviors, mannerisms, stigmas that I previously could not wrap my head around.

Her parents were unbelievably toxic to one another’s and her sister was unhinged. We’re still married and happy with a child on the way but it would have been nice to know about her family history of mental illness and her parent’s loveless marriage and all the neglect my wife suffered prior.

I remember talking to my dad about her and the best way I could describe her was that occasionally for weeks/months on end she turned into a house cat. She would do nothing just eat and sleep, mindlessly watched tv and social media for 12-16 hours a day, refuses to do even simple tasks.

And then like a switch she would be normal again and contribute as if nothing happened. Turns out her mom is diagnosed with ADHD and depression, her sister is diagnosed with bi-polar and BPD and her dad is a literal hoarder and while not medically diagnosed has done some pretty messed up things that has me thinking he has no ability to feel empathy…."

"Thinking that the things that bothered me about her would fade"

"Thinking that the things that bothered me about her would fade. Or she would change.

Boy was I wrong. Every single surface is covered in c**p, I am about to divorce someone for being too messy."

"I wish I’d just done it sooner"

"I don’t mean this in an “Aw sweet” kind of way, but I wish I’d just done it sooner. I wanted to have a good job before we got married.

But getting married wouldn’t have changed that, except maybe making it a little easier for us tax wise. We’d been together for 6 years and knew about 8 months in we were done looking.

But. I had stupid young man pride.

My other regret, and she agrees, is the wedding. In hindsight it was a stupidly expensive party we didn’t get to enjoy."

"Getting married so quickly"

"We got married when I was 23 and he was just shy of 25. We’d only been together 10 months.

We had always planned to get married, just not THEN. But then his very proper grandparents said that we should get married or they’d be disappointed, essentially stop seeing us, and we’d see no help from them.

To this day I’m not sure what kind of help they thought we wanted. So we got married.

BUT…..been married for 21 years (together for 22) and very happy together so I guess it worked out in the end."

"Thinking I could cure his depression and PTSD"

"My gullibility in believing my wife and her family are capable of keeping their promises and saying what they mean."

"Not trusting my instincts sooner"

"Divorced here - not trusting my instincts sooner. I vividly remember telling her that she had the ability to "steam roll" my emotions and feelings.

that was *before* we got married in 2001. cut to 4 years post divorce now in 2023, and her steamroller is larger and more abusive and meaner."

"Not divorcing sooner."

"I held out for years longer than was good for either of us and the children. It got ugly.

In hindsight, I should have walked away with her saying that I gave up too soon rather than having put up with those last five years of truly vast quantities of money spent on marriage counseling that just made things worse, intense fights, bruises, concussion, and winter nights sleeping in the car."

"Not talking about boundaries before and ensuring I have enough space and time to myself."

"Not cohabiting first"

"The money spent on it."

"We’re married during Covid, so we didn’t get a wedding. Feels silly to do one now, but I hate that I missed out."

"Letting my MIL push us around for a couple of years."

"Not doing it sooner"

A prenup

The wrong approach

Simple

"1st marriage no regrets, but the 2nd was just a mistake"

"1st Marriage, no regrets about getting married with what I knew at the time, but I do regret how I handled her infidelity. I was far too conciliatory, and I think if I had been more firm with her in setting boundaries afterward, maybe we'd have actually made it (I doubt it, but in retrospect I think that was our only chance).

2nd marriage was just a mistake. We just weren't compatible.

She's a good person, but we weren't good together. I knew this subconsciously before we got married, but I convinced myself that my misgiving were just "jitters."

After I realized it (~6 months), should have ended it sooner (kept trying for 7 years-I/we had no chance). I'm engaged now to a woman who makes me feel VERY differently about the relationship than I ever have, and this feels like "it's supposed to," if that makes any sense, but I still learned a lot from my past, and I'm using what I learned to make sure I don't repeat mistakes (I definitely accept my portion of the blame for things that went wrong-I've had a lot of time to think about them)."

"I lose the sense of independence and freedom for mental compromise as a partner"

"For me, it is the constant compromising I do mentally. It probably the same in any kind of relationship but I lose the sense of independence and freedom for mental compromise as a partner.

Not a big regret for me but the biggest one i can think of. It's good to remind oneself to take a me day every once and a while."

Losing yourself

Spending on a videographer

Finances

Getting married

"Getting married. I love my wife and kids, and getting married probably saved my life.

I feel like I'm not cut out for marriage, though, and I have so many days where I wish I just chose never to get married and have kids."

It seems like pretty much everything

Marriage often begins with idealized expectations that don't always align with reality. When life's responsibilities and disagreements take over, many face disappointment and start questioning their decisions.

Hopefully, this discussion broadened your horizons so you won't make the same mistakes. Learn from other people's missteps and prevent similar issues from happening to yourself.