Woman Constantly Berates Hardworking Son Juggling Two Jobs; He Quits Second Job and Reduces Contributions

Being a parent means guiding your children as they grow, preparing them to venture into the world with the values and lessons you've taught them. It goes beyond providing for their physical needs.

Moms and dads need to emotionally support their children, understand their individual aspirations, and encourage them to pursue their dreams.

It involves emotional support, understanding individual aspirations, and encouraging children to pursue their dreams. Being a parent is about creating an environment where children feel safe, loved, and confident enough to face life's challenges.

Alas, many parents do not practice this ideal. They force their children to contribute financially to the household the moment their youngsters find jobs.

While helping out at home is important, it shouldn't be imposed on them. Otherwise, the child could become fed up.

This story today from the "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) subreddit is an example of the consequences of an imposing parent. The original poster (OP) is an 18-year-old guy who is being told to either go to university or get a job and contribute 60% of his earnings to the household.

After choosing the latter, he found himself working full-time for minimum wage and only keeping $650 out of his $2,480 gross earnings.

To make ends meet, he took a second job on weekends, working 7 days a week for a total of 60-80 hours. His mother constantly criticized him despite his hard work.

If he tried to relax, she told him to turn off the TV, get off the couch, or stop playing video games during his limited free time. She accused him of being lazy and not helping around the house.

The OP became fed up, so he quit his second job and stopped taking overtime, reducing his household contribution from $3,500 to $1,400. Now, his mother complains about the tight budget, blaming his "laziness."

The OP asks:

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His parents told him to either go to university or work.

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Understanding Criticism and Its Effects

The dynamic between the woman and her son reveals much about the psychological impact of criticism on adult children. Research in developmental psychology indicates that constant criticism can erode self-esteem and lead to feelings of inadequacy. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, emphasizes that negative interactions can overshadow positive ones, creating a toxic cycle that further damages relationships.

This cycle often traps individuals in a narrative where they feel unworthy of love and acceptance, impacting their mental health and overall well-being. Studies show that individuals exposed to high levels of criticism are more likely to experience anxiety and depression, which can manifest as withdrawal or increased conflict in relationships.

He decided to work and contribute the designated amount as promised.

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But his mom won't even let him take a break; she constantly criticizes him.

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Additionally, the concept of learned helplessness suggests that prolonged exposure to criticism can lead individuals to feel powerless in their situations. When the son feels berated despite his hard work, he may begin to believe that his efforts are futile, leading to disengagement and resentment. As noted by Dr. Susan David, an expert in emotional agility, "When we are constantly criticized, we can lose sight of our own strengths and capabilities, which can lead to a cycle of negativity." Understanding this pattern is crucial for both parties, as it can provide insight into why the son may be retreating from his responsibilities and the relationship.

He became fed up, so he decided to quit his second job and lessen his contributions.

Now, his mom has been telling him that he's lazy.

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Redditors suggest moving out of this household.

He can use his contributions to live life on his own instead.

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Strategies for Constructive Communication

To break this cycle, effective communication strategies are essential. Cognitive-behavioral approaches suggest that focusing on positive reinforcement and constructive feedback can boost motivation and strengthen relationships. For instance, Dr. Carol Dweck's research on growth mindset emphasizes the importance of praising effort rather than outcomes, encouraging individuals to embrace challenges rather than fear failure.

Implementing these techniques can shift the focus from criticism to encouragement, fostering an environment where both the mother and son feel valued and understood. Engaging in family therapy can also provide a safe space for open dialogue, allowing both parties to express their feelings and work through underlying issues.

There's no other choice to escape his financially abusive mom but to move out.

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A Redditor feels that all the criticisms are meant to push the OP into studying at a university.

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It's either that the parents are pushing the OP to go to university, or they feel entitled to his money because "they gave him a roof." No matter the case, it's clear that this kind of treatment is toxic.

He wouldn't have this kind of headache if he moved out of his parents' home. With careful planning, he might even end up spending less money than his current contribution.

Moving out could offer him a healthier environment and the freedom to manage his finances and time without constant criticism.

Others have been suggesting different kinds of plans to move out.

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The OP's mom exhibits signs of being a bad parent.

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Psychological Analysis

The constant criticism faced by the son is a significant factor in his decision to withdraw from responsibilities. Often, individuals in such situations feel trapped between the desire to please their parents and the need to assert their autonomy, leading to heightened tension and potential conflict.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

By recognizing the damaging effects of criticism and adopting more constructive communication practices, families can foster healthier relationships. It's essential to create environments where individuals feel supported and valued, ultimately leading to improved mental health and familial bonds.