Neal McDonough Says He Was ‘Blacklisted’ from Hollywood for One Reason

Neal McDonough, known for standout roles in Desperate Housewives, Arrow, and Band of Brothers, has revealed that he was once “blacklisted” in Hollywood after refusing to do one thing on set: intimate scenes with female co-stars.

The 59-year-old actor has built a career on tough, principled characters across film and television. Recently, he has appeared in Suits, Yellowstone, and Tulsa King. But behind the scenes, he says, his moral stance cost him dearly.

Speaking on Tim Green’s Nothing Left Unsaid podcast, McDonough explained why he disappeared from the screen for two years.

“I’d always had in my contracts that I wouldn’t kiss another woman on-screen,” he said. “My wife didn’t have any problem with it. It was me, really, who had a problem with it. I was like, 'Yeah, I don't want to put you through it. I know we're going to start having kids, and I don't want to put my kids through it.’”

McDonough has been married to his wife, Ruvé, since 2003. Together, they have five children: daughters Clover, London Jane, and Catherine Maggie, and sons Morgan and James.

Despite being open about his boundaries from the beginning, McDonough said his refusal to film romantic scenes led to a sharp downturn in his career.

Neal McDonough claims he was unable to land work for two years

Arnold Jerocki/WireImage “Intimacy is a whole different thing for me,” he continued. “So, when I wouldn’t do it and they couldn’t understand it, Hollywood just completely turned on me, and they wouldn’t let me be part of the show anymore.“For two years, I couldn’t get a job, and I lost everything you could possibly imagine.”

He wasn’t just talking about financial loss either. McDonough said the emotional toll was even greater.

“Not just houses and material things, but your swagger, your cool, who you are, your identity, everything,” he recalled. “My identity was an actor, and a really good one. And once you don’t have that identity, you’re kind of lost in a tailspin.”

Understanding the Psychology of Moral Stance

Neal McDonough's decision to decline intimate scenes with female co-stars aligns with the principles of moral psychology. According to Dr. Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, "Our moral compass is shaped by our values and beliefs, which guide our decisions in complex situations." This perspective is echoed by Dr. Dan Siegel, a renowned psychiatrist, who states, "Moral decisions are deeply intertwined with our emotional experiences and personal integrity." Such insights illustrate how McDonough's choices reflect a strong adherence to his individual moral values.

The couple has been married since 2003

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

Eventually, he said, things began to shift when he made a personal change.

“After I stopped drinking, everything just kind of changed,” he shared. “Literally, the clouds parted. I was like, 'Oh, I don't need this crutch. Oh, people are calling me. Oh, I am successful. Oh, I do like myself again. Okay, I am God's child, and I have a job to do. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Dust yourself off and go hit it hard.’”“And ever since that day, I've hit it as hard as possible. At 59 years old, I'm busier than I've ever been in my whole life.”

The psychological effects of being 'blacklisted' can be quite significant. Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, a happiness researcher, states, "Experiencing professional rejection can lead to a profound sense of worthlessness and anxiety, impacting one's mental health." His insights highlight the emotional toll such experiences can take. Additionally, Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading expert on self-compassion, emphasizes that "people who face ostracization often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and depression." McDonough's experience reflects these findings, underscoring the heavy psychological toll that professional ostracization can take. For more on these topics, visit Tal Ben-Shahar's website and Kristin Neff's website.

What Research Shows About Adherence to Personal Beliefs

Sticking to one's personal beliefs, even in the face of adversity, is a theme that resonates in the field of psychology. Research by Janoff-Bulman, Sheikh, & Hepp suggests that moral integrity can contribute to self-esteem and overall psychological well-being. However, it's also associated with potential social costs, such as the 'blacklisting' McDonough experienced.

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, McDonough's experience highlights the interplay between moral psychology, the psychological effects of professional rejection, and the psychological benefits and costs of adhering to personal beliefs. This serves as a reminder of the importance of staying true to one's personal values while also being prepared for the potential repercussions. As Dr. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist, states, "The ability to stand by your principles, even in the face of adversity, is a hallmark of moral courage" on his website jonathanhaidt.com. It's a balancing act that requires resilience, a characteristic that has been linked to better psychological outcomes in numerous studies.