Woman Is Concerned With Her Boyfriend's Excessive Boundaries - Which He Didn't Have In Previous Relationships

A 28-year-old woman went looking for a relationship, not a set of rules with invisible fences. But after months of dating, she started noticing her boyfriend wasn’t just being “private,” he was building boundaries so intense they felt like distance with a schedule.

The twist? He had never acted like this in his previous relationships. The age gap and the fact that he brought up past experiences made it even messier, because his new need for space didn’t come with reassurance, it came with restrictions.

By the time she posted an update, she was already wondering if she should end it, because the comments were basically screaming red flags.

OP's post starts off with her giving a little background on their relationship and on her boyfriend's past relationships as well because there's an age difference and experience difference.

u/ThrowRA6272737

She says in her edit that she might want to end it with him after all of this because of all of the boundaries that he's setting with her and how it's making her feel.

u/ThrowRA6272737

So many people were in the comments telling her that there are many different red flags happening within this relationship.

Reddit

When OP explained the age and experience gap, commenters immediately clocked that this change might not be “random,” it might be the pattern.

The boyfriend's newfound need for distance raises questions about potential trust issues stemming from his past experiences.

This guy most definitely has a lot of baggage, and it's pretty sad to see what's going on here and how much he's dragged her into it.

zigwaldo

Some people said that this guy knew exactly what he was doing and that he's going for younger women for a reason, now that he can't get anyone else to put up with him.

hannahsflora

It's definitely about protecting himself, and it might not even be that he has her best intentions in mind, but rather his own best intentions.

Accomplished_Clock95

That’s when people started pointing out how his sudden distance sounded less like healthy space and more like trust issues he brought from his past.

It also echoes the AITA fight over whether her ex can move in before they move in together.

Moreover, attachment theory provides insight into these behaviors.

Many people were already unhappy with the age gap, and they kind of assumed how this might end just based on that.

alliandoalice

It seems like everyone in the comments here is discussing their age gap and how this is the start of their problem already.

midlifegreatlife

This is definitely true, and as unfortunate as it might be, it's just something to consider as you're looking to date other people.

infinityandbeyond75

After OP described the boundaries he set, the thread turned into a debate over whether he was protecting himself, or keeping her under control.

Strategies for Building Trust

To address concerns about excessive boundaries, psychologists recommend fostering open communication between partners.

This definitely shows that he was intentional about picking a younger person to be with, and it's just sad to see that he's using her and controlling her.

Ice_Queen66

And once she said she might end it, everyone kept circling back to the same scary idea, he didn’t have these rules before, so what changed?</p>

We definitely feel that there are many things going on here that need to be addressed, and some of the biggest ones are how he's treating her overall. It seems like he has so much he needs to work through and on that he shouldn't be dating at this point.

What do you think about this?

Practicing emotional regulation techniques can also be beneficial.

The situation presented in this Reddit thread underscores the significance of emotional boundaries in relationships.

Now he’s probably wondering why OP stopped playing along, because nobody wants to date someone who treats closeness like a privilege.

Red flags around “boundaries” get even sharper in the AITA where she refused her partner’s ex from taking their adopted dog.