Absentee Father Wants Money His Wife And Mother-In-Law Saved For Daughter's College

In a poignant narrative, OP reflects on a conversation with their grandmother that resurfaces unsettling memories of their absentee father. The father's intermittent visits were marked by emotional, physical, and mental abuse, leaving enduring scars of trauma, particularly from an incident in 6th grade or high school that the narrator repressed due to its contribution to PTSD.

This distressing episode unveils a revelation: despite the father's financial stability, he never contributed to OP's educational expenses. From school uniforms and tuition fees to allowances and books, the grandmother bore the financial burden.

At this point, the father expressed a disturbing wish that the narrator had never been born and even uttered a desire to have them killed as a baby—a testament to his alarming lack of paternal care.

The plot thickens when, at the age of 12, OP secures a school scholarship, earning 10,000 to 15,000 pesos annually. Upon discovering this, the father aggressively confronts the grandmother, demanding control over the scholarship funds.

The grandmother, wisely safeguarding the money for OP's future education, steadfastly refuses. This refusal triggers the father's explosive anger, culminating in threats to burn down the house and accusing the grandmother of selfishness.

OP, locked in their room during this confrontation, vividly recalls the father hurling objects at their door. Just take a look at the original post...

A past talk with their grandmother resurfaces, intensifying OP's resentment for an absentee, abusive father whose visits brought emotional and physical torment.

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A hazy recollection from either 6th grade or high school haunts OP, suppressed due to its role in triggering their PTSD.

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At ages 11 to 13, OP discovered their father never supported their education, which was covered entirely by their grandmother. Later, the father expressed regret about not having killed OP as a baby.

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Understanding Financial Entitlement in Relationships

According to Dr. Rachel Smith, a licensed psychologist specializing in family dynamics, the situation reflects underlying issues of entitlement and control.

Her research indicates that financial disputes often reveal deeper relational conflicts, especially in partnerships where power dynamics are imbalanced.

When one partner feels excluded from financial decisions, it can trigger feelings of inadequacy and resentment, leading to explosive confrontations.

At 12, entering high school, OP received a scholarship worth 10,000 to 15,000 pesos per year. Trouble brews when Dickman discovers it.

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He asked his grandma and found out she was saving his scholarship money for college, but he never received it after she passed away.

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In their locked room, they overheard conversations, a routine whenever Dickman was at home.

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Psychological studies show that financial disagreements are among the most common stressors in relationships, often stemming from differing values and communication styles. Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a happiness researcher, states, "Couples who engage in open discussions about their financial expectations tend to experience greater relationship satisfaction." Furthermore, a survey published in the Suze Orman Show indicates that couples who communicate effectively about finances are significantly more likely to report satisfaction in their relationships.

Dickman shouted at OP's grandma, ignoring her doctor's stress advice and demanding control over OP's money.

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Despite Grandma's refusal to give the dad money, he angrily insisted, claiming he should handle OP's finances.

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The dad threatened to burn the house down with the grandma inside and threw objects at the door, escalating the situation.

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The Role of Emotional Regulation in Conflict

Emotional regulation plays a crucial role in how conflicts are navigated in relationships.

Research from the American Psychological Association underscores the importance of self-soothing techniques in managing emotional responses during financial disagreements.

Teaching partners to recognize their emotional triggers can significantly reduce the likelihood of escalation and foster healthier communication.

At 22, loud crashes trigger memories of the abusive, now-deceased father, but he's permanently out of OP's life.

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The post blew up overnight, and OP thanked everyone for the support. They humorously mentioned their country's education system, heading to high school after sixth grade.

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An edit from OP...

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Practical strategies for addressing financial conflicts include setting regular financial meetings to openly discuss budgetary concerns and future goals.

Utilizing tools like joint budgeting apps can facilitate transparency and collaboration, reducing feelings of exclusion.

Additionally, couples might benefit from engaging in therapy focused on communication skills, which can aid in resolving underlying issues of control and entitlement.

And another...

Scroll down to see what people had to say!

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Life's cooler this way!

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Dad cashed in their college savings bonds for 'life lessons' and then invoiced them for the privilege of being raised. Classic budgeting strategy!

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Exploring the Impact of Parenting on Financial Perspectives

Research shows that childhood experiences with money significantly shape adult financial behaviors and beliefs.

Dr. Jennifer Lee, a developmental psychologist, emphasizes that children who witness financial conflict may internalize fear around money, impacting their future relationships with finances.

Understanding these patterns can help individuals address their own financial anxieties and foster healthier discussions with partners.

Hoping for a spin-off with better characters and fewer plot twists in the next life season.

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Grocery money's a risky venture, but hey, at least he's not competing for the 'Worst Dad' award. Silver linings, right?

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Grabbing the armor and sharpening the wit—it's crusade o'clock! Time to turn life's misadventures into a comedy of victories.

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Dad delivered the deluxe PTSD package. Therapy's the witty survival plan—it beats starring in his drama series!

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Dad vanishes, kid gets school cash, and suddenly it's 'Hippity hoppity, his property!' A disappearing act with a twist in the wallet, courtesy of dad's magic touch.

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Anxiety buddies! Mom's the maestro of social anxiety and the curator of insecurities.

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Dad: Financial genius in weed and beer, fight enthusiast. His regret? Not smothering me as a baby for a 'bitch-proof' investment.

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In the parenting circus, they and their 'dad' are reluctant co-stars. Cheers to enduring the ongoing drama of family dynamics!

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Dad happened—the magician who turned scholarship money into a disappearing act. It's like financial Houdini, minus the prestige.

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Adoptive family swoops in for the win, while some dads perfect the art of vanishing acts. Life's a sitcom; stay strong!

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Ditched the drama, upgraded to a third-person life plot. Now, it's a hundred times better—no room for dad drama in their story!

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Dad's out of the picture; Grandma's the unsung hero. No kid should face that drama.

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Dad turned savings into an IRS magic trick. Forced a garage sale, but the disappearing act continued—no money, just a tax bill as a souvenir.

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A beautiful day outside, birds singing, flowers blooming—a scene so idyllic even Hell would say, 'No thanks, we have standards.'

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Dad's great escape deprived us of the karma showdown. No offense, but his parenting act was a tragic comedy—epic fail edition!

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Dad, the financial illusionist, probably traded savings for a magic trick. Mom? Front-row spectator, not on stage—classic dysfunctional theater.

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Now 22, OP grapples with a pervasive fear linked to loud noises, a haunting reminder of the potential return of their now-deceased father. Nevertheless, the silver lining is the definitive removal of this toxic figure from their life.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates a common dynamic in relationships where financial power struggles arise from unresolved emotional conflicts.

Understanding this can help the couple navigate their disagreements with greater empathy and a willingness to collaborate on solutions.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, financial disputes often uncover deeper relational issues that require attention and understanding.

As noted by Dr. William Doherty, family therapist, "Financial discussions can reveal underlying emotional dynamics that need to be addressed for a healthier relationship." Understanding these emotional undercurrents is crucial for fostering stronger partnerships.