Should I Have Told My Parents About My Siblings Secret Engagement?

A 28-year-old woman is stuck in a family minefield, and it all starts with one sentence at dinner: “Do you know anything about your sibling’s relationship?” Except her sibling, 26NB, is engaged, non-binary, and still not out to their conservative parents.

Here’s the complication, her sibling asked her to keep the engagement secret until they feel ready to talk, because their parents have a history of not being accepting of LGBTQ+ relationships. So when the parents pressed her, she froze, then gave the safest answer she could: she didn’t know anything.

Now the engagement is public to everyone except the people who matter most, and her sibling is texting her that she didn’t defend their privacy hard enough.

Original Post

I (28F) am in a sticky situation involving my sibling (26NB) who recently got engaged. For background, my sibling is non-binary, and while they are open about it with friends, they haven't come out to our conservative parents.

A few days ago, my sibling's partner proposed, and they said yes. It's a joyous occasion, and they are thrilled.

However, my sibling made me promise not to tell our parents until they feel ready to have that conversation. Quick context: our parents hold traditional views and haven't been accepting of LGBTQ+ relationships in the past.

Yesterday, during our family dinner, my parents asked if I knew anything about my sibling's relationship. I hesitated but decided to stick to my promise and told them I didn't know anything.

They seemed disappointed and insinuated that I should be aware of my sibling's life. This morning, my sibling texted me, thanking me for not revealing their secret but mentioned feeling hurt that I didn't defend their privacy more assertively.

Now, I'm torn. So AITA?

The Weight of Secrets

This situation really highlights the emotional burden of keeping family secrets. The OP's decision to withhold their non-binary sibling's engagement from conservative parents isn't just about loyalty; it's about protecting their sibling from potential rejection or harm. This isn't a trivial matter; revealing such a significant aspect of someone's identity can lead to serious consequences in families that have a history of intolerance.

Furthermore, the dilemma raises questions about how much responsibility we have to shield loved ones from the harsh realities of familial dynamics. It’s a balancing act between honesty and protection, and many readers can probably relate to feeling torn between family loyalty and personal beliefs.

Comment from u/bananablast87

Comment from u/candycane_dreamer

Comment from u/gamer_gurl111

The family dinner turns into a quiet interrogation the second OP hesitates when her parents ask about her sibling’s relationship.

OP keeps her promise to her 26NB sibling, but the parents leave the table acting like that silence is suspicious.

Speaking of emotional loyalty, this is similar to the OP who hid feelings for a best friend while dating their sibling.

The Community's Divided Reaction

The community's reaction to this post is a microcosm of the larger societal debate surrounding LGBTQ acceptance within conservative circles. Some commenters likely empathized with the OP's desire to protect their sibling, arguing that love and support should come first, regardless of parental opinions. Others might have felt that honesty is the best policy, insisting that parents deserve to know the truth about their children's lives.

This tension between transparency and protection is palpable and speaks to a broader conversation many families are having today. It’s not just about one sibling’s engagement; it’s about navigating love, identity, and the often difficult terrain of familial relationships.

Comment from u/musiclover2023

Comment from u/CoffeeAddict77

The next morning, the sibling who is newly engaged calls OP out anyway, saying “thanks” for the secret but still feeling hurt.

So now OP is stuck replaying the promise, the dinner, and that text, wondering if she protected her sibling or just avoided the hard moment.

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

The Bigger Picture

This story sheds light on the complexities of family loyalty, especially when it intersects with personal identities and societal expectations. It poses an important question: how do we navigate these emotional minefields where love and fear collide? As readers reflect on this dilemma, they might consider their own family dynamics and the lengths they’d go to protect their loved ones. Would you keep a secret to safeguard a sibling’s happiness?

The Bigger Picture

The Reddit user's decision to keep their non-binary sibling's engagement a secret from their conservative parents highlights the intense loyalty that often exists within families, particularly when navigating issues of identity. By choosing to respect their sibling's wishes, the user aimed to protect them from potential rejection, a valid concern given their parents' history of intolerance. This situation illustrates the difficult balance between familial love and the need for honesty, leaving the user caught between their sibling's trust and their parents' expectations. It's a poignant reminder of the emotional complexities many face in similar family dynamics.

The engagement is supposed to be joyful, but OP’s parents and her sibling’s privacy rules are turning it into a whole new kind of drama.

For more relationship fallout, read about the OP who hid their estranged parents’ sudden return from their partner.