Should I Make My Dad Choose: Thanksgiving with Me or His New Wife?

A 27-year-old woman is about to learn that Thanksgiving can be less “family tradition” and more “family negotiations.” Her dad and her have always spent the holidays together, just the two of them, building their own little rituals after the divorce.

Now her dad remarried to Karen, and this year he wants her to join them for a big Thanksgiving feast. Karen is “family now,” he says, but OP barely knows her, and she feels like her dad is asking her to quietly disappear into someone else’s holiday plan.

So when dad gets stuck between his daughter and his new wife, OP forces the issue, and the family dinner did not end well in her head.

Original Post

I (27F) am struggling with a dilemma around Thanksgiving. Quick context: my parents divorced a few years ago, and my dad recently remarried to a woman named Karen.

For background, since the divorce, I've always spent holidays with my dad, just the two of us, creating new traditions together. However, this year, he wants me to join him and Karen for Thanksgiving dinner.

I expressed my discomfort about this to him, as I find it hard to adjust to the idea of sharing that day with Karen, whom I barely know. My dad insisted that Karen is family now and that I should make an effort to get to know her better.

He mentioned that they're planning a big Thanksgiving feast and would love for me to be a part of it. I appreciate his sentiment, but I feel like he's not considering my feelings.

So, I asked my dad to choose between having Thanksgiving dinner with just me like old times or with his new wife included.

He seemed torn and said he'd think about it. Now he's caught between me, his daughter, and his new wife.

I understand that it's a tough spot, but I can't help how I feel. So AITA?

The Dilemma of Tradition vs. Change

This situation highlights the emotional tug-of-war between longstanding family traditions and the inevitable changes that come with remarriage. The OP's desire for her father's undivided attention during Thanksgiving reflects a deep-seated need for connection that feels threatened by his new wife, Karen. It's painful to see how a holiday meant for togetherness can become a battleground for loyalty and love.

What makes this clash even more poignant is that the OP is not just losing a tradition but a part of her identity tied to that tradition. The father, caught between two worlds, faces an impossible choice that no parent wants to make. The holiday that should bring joy is mired in conflict, illustrating just how complex family dynamics can become in the wake of significant life changes.

Comment from u/TheRealPenguin89

Comment from u/PizzaAndBooks27

Comment from u/MoonlightDreamer42

OP’s whole problem starts with the fact that Thanksgiving used to be her and her dad only, and Karen wasn’t part of the tradition at all.

Divided Opinions in the Comments

The Reddit community's reaction to this dilemma is a fascinating reflection of personal experiences with family conflict. Some commenters sided with the OP, emphasizing that a father should prioritize his daughter, especially when she’s been the one celebrating Thanksgiving with him for years. Others, however, pointed out that dismissing his new wife could lead to long-term resentment.

This division underscores the complexity of remarriage and blended families. It’s not just about choosing sides; it’s about navigating a new normal that often feels like a betrayal to those involved. This story resonates because it reflects a reality many face, where love, loyalty, and new relationships collide, forcing people to confront uncomfortable truths about family obligations and individual needs.

Comment from u/MountainHiker99

Comment from u/TeaTimeChatter

Comment from u/SunnyDays23

When her dad insists Karen is “family now” and expects her to jump in, OP hears it as him dismissing her discomfort.

This feels like the AITA fight where someone chose Friendsgiving over their family Thanksgiving, upsetting everyone.

The Real Issue Here

At its core, this story raises crucial questions about boundaries and expectations in family relationships. The OP's request for her dad to choose between her and Karen isn’t just about Thanksgiving dinner; it speaks to a larger struggle over acceptance and belonging. The father’s decision could have lasting implications for all parties involved, potentially alienating his daughter or creating tension with his new wife.

This moral grey area is where many readers find themselves reflecting on their own family dynamics. It’s easy to say that the dad should pick his daughter, but that overlooks the reality of marriage and commitment. Can he truly create a harmonious holiday that honors both his daughter and his new wife, or is this a lost cause? This story captures the heart of a dilemma faced by many families today.

Comment from u/BookWorm_87

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Comment from u/StarlitSkywatcher

That’s when OP asks for a choice, either the old two-person Thanksgiving or dinner with Karen included, no in-between.

The Pressure of Holiday Expectations

Thanksgiving carries heavy expectations, and this story highlights how those expectations can clash spectacularly when new family dynamics come into play. The OP's feelings of betrayal when her dad includes Karen are compounded by the pressure to maintain traditions that have been in place for years. She’s not just fighting for a seat at the dinner table; she’s wrestling with the fear of losing her father’s affection.

This pressure is relatable for many readers who’ve navigated similar family transitions. The holidays often bring out the best and worst in family dynamics, and this story serves as a reminder that change can be both beautiful and painful. How do we honor our past while embracing new relationships? This tension is what keeps the community engaged and debating.

Comment from u/CoffeeBeanLover_33

Now her dad is stuck, trying to figure out how to juggle his daughter’s feelings and his new wife’s place at the table.

We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

Where Things Stand

This story shines a light on the emotional complexities of family dynamics during the holidays, especially when new relationships are introduced. The OP’s struggle to reconcile her longstanding Thanksgiving traditions with her father's new marriage raises profound questions about loyalty, love, and acceptance. As families evolve, how do we balance the past with the present? What do you think is the best way to navigate these kinds of conflicts without sacrificing relationships? Share your thoughts below.

The Bigger Picture

In this story, the 27-year-old woman's reaction to her father's new wife, Karen, at Thanksgiving highlights a deep yearning for connection and familiarity in a time of change. After spending years creating their own holiday traditions post-divorce, it's understandable that she feels threatened by the presence of someone she barely knows, leading her to issue an ultimatum that reflects her emotional turmoil. Her father, caught in a classic bind, is torn between honoring his daughter's feelings and embracing his new family dynamic, illustrating the often painful intersection of love and loyalty that many face during the holidays. This situation serves as a reminder of how family traditions can become battlegrounds when new relationships come into play.

He might be trying to keep peace, but OP is treating that peace like it’s replacing her spot at the table.

Still not sure? Read how refusing your dad’s affair girlfriend sparked a family blowup.