Should I Tell My Friend Im Dating Their Ex?
AITA for not disclosing to my friend that I'm dating his ex, whom he still has feelings for? The dilemma between honesty and protecting feelings unfolds.
Some people don’t realize how fast a “natural” relationship can turn into a friendship bomb. In this Reddit post, a 27-year-old man is watching his best friend’s heartbreak restart, and he’s the reason it’s happening.
He and Joey have been close for five years, then Joey broke up with Sarah six months ago because they wanted different futures. OP has always gotten along with Sarah too, and now he and Sarah are dating, even though Joey has admitted he still has feelings for her. The complication? OP has been quietly keeping it from Joey, trying to protect him, while knowing hiding it could be its own kind of betrayal.
It’s the kind of secret that doesn’t stay small for long, especially when Joey already thinks he might still lose her.
Original Post
So I'm (27M) and have been friends with Joey (25M) for about 5 years now. We've always been pretty close and shared a lot of personal stuff.
Now, about 6 months ago, Joey broke up with his ex, Sarah (26F), because they wanted different things in life. They're both great people, and I've always gotten along well with Sarah too.
Recently, Sarah and I found ourselves drawn to each other and started dating. It just happened naturally, and we really like each other.
The catch is that Joey hasn't moved on completely from Sarah. He's mentioned a few times that he still has feelings for her but understands that they weren't compatible in the long run.
I know this news will hurt Joey, especially coming from me, and I've been avoiding telling him about my relationship with Sarah. I feel torn between being honest with my friend and protecting his feelings.
On one hand, I don't want to hurt Joey, and Sarah and I truly care about each other. On the other hand, keeping this from Joey feels wrong too.
I'm not sure how he'll react, and I don't want to ruin our friendship over this situation. So AITA?
This situation raises a classic dilemma: how do you prioritize a friendship when romantic feelings are involved? The OP's decision to date Joey's ex-girlfriend, who still has feelings for him, puts their five-year friendship in jeopardy. It's not just about dating someone’s ex; it’s about the emotional fallout that can ripple through their social circle.
On one hand, the OP might argue that they have a right to pursue happiness. On the other, keeping this relationship under wraps could be a form of emotional protection for Joey, but at what cost? This tension between personal happiness and loyalty to a friend is what makes this narrative resonate with so many readers.
Comment from u/GamingQueen74
Comment from u/TheRealLioness
Comment from u/tigerstripes22
Right when OP and Sarah started dating “naturally,” Joey’s old feelings were still sitting there in the background, waiting to explode.
The Weight of Honesty
The moral complexity of this story can't be overstated. The OP is caught in a web of conflicting loyalties, and the stakes feel incredibly high. If he chooses to disclose his relationship with Joey’s ex, he risks damaging their friendship. Yet remaining silent could lead to even greater betrayal if Joey finds out later.
What’s interesting is that many respondents in the comments section feel strongly about the importance of honesty, often emphasizing that transparency is a key component of friendship. But what happens when that honesty could lead to heartbreak? This contradiction is at the heart of why so many people are weighing in on this dilemma.
Comment from u/mellownights99
Comment from u/The_MadHatter
Comment from u/MoonlightDreamer
The real mess starts because Joey isn’t fully over Sarah, and OP has been dodging the conversation like it’s a landmine.
This feels like someone dating their best friend’s ex while loyalty and emotional fallout collide.
Meanwhile, Sarah and OP “really like each other,” which makes every moment of silence feel worse for Joey and harder to justify for OP.
Community Reactions: Divided Opinions
Comment from u/serendipity28
Comment from u/Echo_of_the_Rainbow
Comment from u/Birdsong97
Now OP is stuck between two bad outcomes, telling Joey and potentially blowing up the friendship, or staying quiet and letting the betrayal land later.
Emotional Fallout and Consequences
This situation echoes a common theme in friendships: the challenge of balancing personal desires with the potential fallout for others. Joey's feelings for his ex add another layer of complication, and the OP’s silence could be perceived as disloyalty, regardless of his intent. If Joey finds out later, it could lead to not just the end of their friendship but also a complicated social dynamic within their circle.
What’s particularly striking is how this scenario illustrates that even choices made with the best intentions can have unintended consequences. It forces readers to consider where the line is drawn between pursuing happiness and maintaining trust in relationships.
Comment from u/stargazer99
Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
The Bigger Picture
This story hits home for anyone who's ever had to navigate the murky waters of love and friendship. The OP’s dilemma about whether to tell Joey about dating his ex is not just a question of honesty; it’s also about the potential emotional fallout. As friendships evolve, so too do the complexities of romantic relationships. How would you handle a situation like this? Would you prioritize your friend’s feelings or your own happiness?
Joey might not just lose Sarah, he might also lose the friend he thought would never keep a secret like this.
Before you tell Joey, read how Reddit handled a friend’s boyfriend learning her troubled past, the ethical dilemma.
