Should I Visit My Mom and Her New Husband?
AITA for refusing to visit my mother and her husband despite reconciling with her, setting boundaries, and facing pressure to accept him as part of the family?
A divorce that started with an affair is already messy, but this family story gets uglier when the “new normal” includes the man who broke everything. OP’s mom cheated years ago with her now-husband, Tim, and that betrayal was the reason their parents split in the first place.
After a long silence, OP finally reconciled with their mom through their sister and even got to invite her to their wedding. But there was one non-negotiable boundary: OP would not interact with Tim, not meet him, not play nice. Now mom is pushing again, annoyed that OP and their wife still have not visited her and Tim’s home, and telling OP to accept Tim “as part of the family.”
The question is whether OP is being unreasonable, or if they’re just protecting the line they drew after everything that happened.
Original Post
So years ago my parents got divorced in large part because of my mother having an affair with her current husband Tim. After they divorced I went over 6 years without contacting or communicating with my mother until we reconciled through my sister during the holiday season a little over 3 years ago.
Our relationship ended up recovering to the point where my wife and I ended up inviting my mom to our wedding last year. The main issue that has persisted though is my relationship or lack thereof with her new husband Tim.
When my mother and I reconciled, one of the boundaries I gave her was that I wanted nothing to do with that man and would never interact or meet with him. She fought this at first however eventually she agreed to the terms although she has tried to encourage my wife and I to meet him a few times since then.
When talking with my mom the other day she seemed frustrated that my wife and I have not gone up to visit her at her and Tim’s home since we reconciled despite her having gone to visit my wife and I several times at our home (My wife and I live in a different part of the state) . I stated that we would be willing to go visit her so long as Tim was not there when we visited.
After hearing that she said it was time for me to accept that Tim is apart of the family now and that accepting him would make everything easier for everyone. I told her that I would not make the trip if Tim was there and would be maintaining the same position I’ve had on Tim.
In addition, if she kept trying to push him on me I would cut contact with her again. So AITA for maintaining the same position and refusing to visit my mother and her new husband?
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This also echoes the family reunion blowup, where the host refused to mediate ongoing conflicts.
Family Reunion Host Faces Backlash for Refusing to Mediate Ongoing Family Conflicts
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OP and their mom rebuilt things after years of no contact, but the wedding invitation came with that strict rule about Tim not being part of OP’s life.
Even though mom agreed to the boundary, she keeps trying to pressure OP and their wife into meeting Tim, like it’s just a casual family meetup.
When mom finally got frustrated about the lack of visits to her and Tim’s home, OP offered a compromise, Tim-free visits only.
Mom fired back that Tim is “part of the family now,” and OP threatened to cut contact again if the push to accept him didn’t stop.
We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.
The family dinner might not be the problem, Tim being there is.
Before you call your mom, read how disciplining a niece against her sister’s wishes blew up.
