People Share Those Ridiculous Things Parents Ingrained In Us, And We Can’t Shake Off Now

We are all sums of our experiences. Every event in our life steered our development in some direction.

But when we were kids, our whole world revolved around our parents. Almost every experience when we were kids involved them.

Our moms and dads were our entrepreneurs and guides to the vast and exciting world. And sometimes, things got lost in the translation or were translated entirely wrong.

Our parents interpreted the world through their prism. It is every parent’s duty and desire to help their children grow into satisfied, healthy, happy, and valuable members of the community.

And how do we do that? By teaching our kids some rules that apply in the real world out there. But what if our understanding of the world is flawed?

Some time ago, Redditor u/i_cant_see_my_ears posted a question on the platform, asking people to share what things their parents ingrained in them as problematic, but they later realized they were actually ridiculous. And the answers came pouring in.

We have chosen 40 of the most interesting replies. Some of them are amusing, but some are really worrying.

So take a look and see if you make the same mistakes with your kids.

1. Used two towels and it was beautiful...

"This is so dumb but just happened last week. I got out of the shower & grabbed a towel & started to dry my hair with it while I stood there cold & dripping wet. I had a flashback to when I was like 10 or something & asked my mom if I could use 2 towels, one to dry/wrap around my hair & the other to dry my body - like all the ladies do on TV. She said no, of course because " something something wasting towels because I said so blah blah blah" . I suddenly realized I'm an adult & this is my bathroom & my towels & I make my own rules. So for the 1st time in my 55 year old life I used TWO towels & it was was wonderful!"

lynnemaddie

pexels

2. Finish your food

"That I have to finish all my food which is on the plate. Whenever we would eat, at home or in the restaurant my mum would forced us to eat everything on the plate."

Gabinskaite

Flickr

3. Who takes care of the babies?

"Girls take care of babies and kids. Men don’t.Sometimes I still fall into the trap it’s so ingrained in my brain. I saw a Dad at a party taking his kid to the bathroom for a diaper change and my mind went “he shouldn’t be doing that. Where’s his wife?”. I quickly realized how dumb that was. But it’s so drilled into my head."

cuckedprincess

Unsplash

The Impact of Parental Messages on Identity

The statements shared by participants reflect how deeply ingrained parental messages can shape identities and beliefs. Research in developmental psychology indicates that children internalize parental expectations, which can influence their self-perception and behavior throughout life.

Dr. Nancy Eisenberg's studies emphasize how these early messages can create lasting schemas that affect interpersonal dynamics and self-worth.

4.Suck it up!

If you hate your job you just have to suck it up and make the best of it. Don't complain because you'll be pegged as a troublemaker, and if you quit you'll be seen as flaky and nobody else will hire you.This nugget has caused more damage to my physical and emotional well being than anything else. You really don't want to hear their views on staying in an unhappy, dysfunctional marriage (they're similar).

Johhnymaddog316

Pexels

5. How to be a better person...

Going to church every Sunday or high holiday makes you a good person. It does not.

LowkeyPony

Pexels

6. Indian food

Indian food is disgusting. Just had it yesterday for the first time at the age of 27. Maybe the best meal I have ever had.

High_n_tight_77

Unsplash

This internalization often leads to the development of gender roles and stereotypes, as children learn to navigate societal expectations based on their parents' beliefs. Studies show that rigid gender norms can limit personal expression and create internal conflict when individuals feel pressured to conform.

Recognizing and challenging these ingrained messages is crucial for fostering healthier self-concepts.

7. Me last...

That I had to take care of everyone else and make sure they were happy before I could be happy.

Zealousideal_Might52

Pexels

8. Women don't curse...

That women can’t curse or be impolite in the very slightest.

Bulky_Bicycle_9196

Pexels

9. Don't be smart...

A man is never going to like me if I have a PHD. Men don’t like women who are smarter than them.

INCORRIGIBLE_CNT

Pexels

Encouraging Critical Reflection on Parental Influence

To break free from limiting beliefs, individuals can benefit from engaging in critical reflection regarding their upbringing. Research suggests that self-reflection can promote personal growth and aid in developing a more authentic self.

Therapeutic practices such as journaling or therapy can facilitate this process, allowing individuals to explore the origins of their beliefs and consider alternative perspectives.

10. Long hair and tattoos

That long hair and tattoos means you're a problem to society.

KingFingersOG

Pexels

11. Be submissive

You are supposed to accept abuse from anyone in a superior position to yours : parent, manager … If you don’t then you are a troublemaker and a shame to the family because you rebel. You will never get anywhere in life and end up alone. Be submissive. You are a woman, that’s enough of a sin already.

TwoAgitated1182,

Pexels

12. Should we be obedient?

Obedience. My dad tried to ingrain in us that the most important thing was being obedient.Like... no. This taught me to blindly do whatever an authority figure told me to. Luckily I wasn't put into these situations, but this put me at a huge risk for sexual abuse. If an authority figure had told me to do something terrible to be doing with a child, I probably would have done it because that's what I was conditioned to do.It actually almost happened in high school, and I had no idea what to do because it was a teacher and I thought I had to respect and obey them. So I just avoided the person, but I was so lucky I was able to avoid them and didn't have something worse happen.I've grown out of it now of course, but teaching kids to blindly accept your authority translates to them thinking that's what they need to do for everyone. And it could be so damaging.

impressivepineapple

13. Parent can't be wrong.

That children aren't allowed to show emotions when they're upset at their parents. Doubly so when they're getting chewed out.

LoneQuietus81

Pexels

Creating supportive environments for open discussions about parental influence can also help individuals process their experiences. Research indicates that sharing feelings and experiences with trusted individuals can foster healing and provide clarity regarding personal beliefs.

This can be particularly beneficial in challenging damaging narratives and fostering healthier self-views.

14. Well, then whose is it?

Catholic guilt. The world's problems are not my fault.

kajak08,

Pexels

15. Homophobic and pointless

My father used to make me wash my hands after greeting/handshaking with my uncle (who is homossexual), like you could "acquire gay through touching". My uncle is a respected surgeon dentist.I know I was just a child following what my parent was asking me to do, but I still feel a deep remorse to this day for doing something so homophobic and pointless.

unbilivibru

Pexels

16. Great job is waiting for you

If you work hard and go to college you'll get a great job.What a load of utter nonsense. The first job I had in my industry stressed me out so bad I left entirely.

Boredum_Allergy

Pexels

The Role of Media in Shaping Beliefs

Modern media plays a significant role in reinforcing or challenging parental messages. Studies indicate that exposure to diverse narratives in media can help individuals question outdated beliefs and norms.

Engaging with varied content can promote critical thinking and encourage individuals to develop their own beliefs, independent of their upbringing.

17. Tragic. Whole generations grew up like that.

A whole bunch of misogyny from both parents, but mostly from mum. The highlights include being told not to play certain musical instruments, not to go into certain professions (only boys can be doctors. You can be a nurse instead), not to whistle as my future husband wouldn’t like it (I was five), not to say ‘I love you’ to other girls (again, five) and the good old lock/key analogy when I was old enough to question why only girls were sl*ts and not boys.

Twilight_Cee

Pexels

18. Family

Putting up with people and going to events because “family.” Yea, I want to keep my sanity, thank you.

vixxie

19. Vaccines

That vaccines are bad.

funeralclickbait1111

Pexels

20. Be a man

‘Be a man’ ‘boys don’t cry’ ‘men don’t b*tch’It doesn’t make anyone manlier, it just makes someone repress their feelings and become emotionally incompetent.Teach kids honesty, and encourage them to say what they think. Also lowers the chances they’ll take their repression out on people, or start punching walls instead of verbalising their needs

Guava

Pexels

Finally, fostering a culture of acceptance and understanding can create safe spaces for individuals to express their struggles with ingrained beliefs. Community support and dialogue can empower individuals to redefine their identities beyond the limitations imposed by their upbringing.

By embracing diverse perspectives, we can cultivate environments that celebrate individuality and personal growth.

21. There are myna reasons for people being homeless

My parents always told me that because Canada's social security system is so good that homeless people are only homeless because they are drug addicts or schizophrenic, so you shouldn't give them money.It wasn't until I was an adult that I learn a) how bad the social security system actually is, b) how hard it is to survive even if you are on government assistance and c) that having an addiction or mental health issue is not a reason why someone should be treated as less than human.

CatLondon

22. Parents are the best therapists. They know everything

“How can you be both depressed and anxious?!? By their very definition they would cancel each other out anyway.”Those words are burned into my memory. This was my parents’ response to my therapist’s findings when I had just started middle school and was struggling.I never saw that wonderful therapist again. They managed to find one that they could agree with, that I should just get over myself and stop being such a child…which I was.It took me far too long to seek help again.

Hobo_Knife

23. How to fight bullies

That I had to fight back my bullies with wit and outsmart them. Yeah no, I had to kick their asses.

rainloading

24. Main arthritis cause....

That cracking your knuckles will cause arthritis. Not true at all.

1980pzx

wikimedia

25. Nope. Your body is yours

That if I share a bed with a man he has full rights to do whatever he wants to me/my body.

Thinefieldisempty

26. Men are hunters bull...

That as a girl, I should never be the one to reach out to the guy first, he must be the one to make the effort first. (Ex: if I want to hangout with a boy I like or even simply text him, I need to wait for him to text me or reach out to me first) it really messed up how I talk to guys I’m attracted too, because I’m 23 years old so I can do what I want when it comes to guys but I sometimes still have this mindset.The crazy thing is now my parents wonder why we don’t even reach out to any guys we are interested in lol

hitagiss

Pexels

27. Such a sin....

That being gay is a sin. Furthermore, the saying “love the person but hate the sin” when applied to our gay neighbors. I loved them but wasn’t allowed to walk their dog anymore once my parents found out they were gay. This is among many other ridiculous beliefs that came along with their extremist religion.

stickybun_

28. Cold causes cold

You catch colds simply by being exposed to cold. For some reason I just never questioned the idea that temperature itself caused viruses, but it's such a ridiculous notion once you think about it

SendMeNudesThough

Pexels

29. It doesn't. But it helps...

"Money doesn't buy happiness"

Pyr02006

30. Do something with that hair!

Putting your hair in a ponytail is lazy. Absurd!

ThatRedheadMom

Pexels

31. Is it a relationship or servitude?

The good ol' "You gotta learn to cook, clean, etc. because one day you'll have to do it for your husband. Do insert random hobby now because your husband won't tolerate it one day. The wife always needs to be less educated than the husband. Etc." They made a relationship with a man sound like servitude where my life is immediately over and after a liferime of telling me that they wonder why I don't want to get married yet

PatientCustard1

32. Does it ?

Hair grows back faster/thicker after you shave it for the first time.Pexels

33. If people don't like you, don't hang out with them...

That I need to maintain a positive relationship with people who don't like me.My parents taught me to be on everyone's good side no matter the cost. In college, we had a serious rift in the friend group. They said that they had hated me all along and only hung out because I'd buy them things. Using my parents advice, I put too much energy into trying to "fix" those who I thought would change their hearts. Now that I'm older, I've realized that trying to fix people who don't care for you is manipulation and it's healthy to be selective about who you associate with.

blart_institute

Pexels

34. Oh, so many bad memories from various family trips

Turning on the interior light in the back seat will cause us to immediately crash and die or go straight to prison.

fidelkastro

35. Controversial issue here...

That spanking your children is acceptable, and that they were right no matter what. Discussion? What's that?Now, I never agreed with them, and I frequently didn't know what I did wrong, but I just accepted it as something all parents do. Now, as an adult, I will say with 100% confidence that spanking is always wrong. Got studies to back me up, y'all!

ThrowAwayFoodMoo

36. Highways are safer...

They used to basically tell me that driving on the highway was extremely dangerous and that I should stick to backroads. Turns out they were just projecting their own fears of cars moving really fast onto me.For the first couple years of driving / my career I would go only backroads. One summer I got sick of having to drive for over an hour to get to work, and I figured it would be lower traffic then so I gave it a try, it was way easier than taking backroads, and the highways were better maintained than the roads I was used to taking, with far less turns, blind spots, etc. it was way safer and quicker.

Gogar1

37. Just push through and hide emotions...

That if you don't like something, just keep your head down and push through.

Zonerdrone

38. Yeah, all criminals have facial hair...

That growing facial hairs make you a thief, drug addicted and a failure to society. Still wonder how does that even make sense to this day.

Toramaru22

Pexels

39. And maybe even an hour....

You have to wait 30 minutes after eating before you go back in the pool, otherwise you'll get cramps and drown.

primitivedreamer

Pexels

40. And you rest on your day off...

That you are lazy if you watch TV during the day

B2utyyo

Pexels

Well, what do you think? Do we make the same mistakes with our kids?

We have to admit that some of the things like cracking your knuckles are universal and kind of funny. But, stuff about how women should be obedient and that men shouldn’t show their emotions can cause some serious damage.

Psychological Analysis

This discussion illustrates how parental messages can create lasting impacts on individuals’ identities. Often, these beliefs shape behavior and self-image, making it crucial for individuals to explore and understand their origins.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

The narratives shared highlight the profound impact of parental messages on identity formation. According to Dr. Madeline Levine, a child psychologist, "The beliefs instilled by parents can shape a child's self-perception and future choices." Recognizing and addressing these influences is essential for personal development. By challenging outdated beliefs, individuals can create a more authentic sense of self, as emphasized by Dr. Esther Perel, a couples therapist, who states, "Understanding our past is crucial to forging a genuine identity in the present."