Woman Is Upset Because She Was Not Invited to Her Brother’s Wedding, Despite Paying for the Whole Wedding

Planning a wedding isn’t an easy task, as it involves the challenge of deciding who gets invited, who will be a groomsman or a bridesmaid, who is only there for the ceremony, and so forth. One Redditor shared how she took on a tremendous role in making her sibling's wedding a reality but was not actually involved in it, which was disturbing.

Certain kinds of family drama that come with planning a wedding never help matters. The Redditor named u/Downtown-Bowler-8987 told her story to the r/AmITheA-Hole community, inquiring whether she was wrong to feel upset for not being involved in her brother’s wedding, despite being the person paying for it.

According to the story, the OP is a former military officer who is now a wealthy pilot, earning around £150,000 per year. She was raised alongside her younger brother and was taught to share and help each other out.

Her brother earns around £35,000 yearly, and since they have no parents, the OP feels she should assist, as she has done on many occasions previously and wouldn't mind doing it once more.

However, this time around, her brother requested monetary assistance, and she promised £25,000, but she felt upset for not being involved in any of the decisions. The sister-in-law's family was heavily involved with everything, while she was not so much as a bridesmaid or a maid of honor, but just a guest.

A lady has shared a story of how she wasn't involved in decisions despite being the one paying

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Now, she felt like an ATM. When she confronted her brother about it, he said that she's not their parent and since she can't replace them, she shouldn’t be involved. Here is the story in full:

The story begins...

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A good job

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Through the years...

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Contribution time

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Bearing the costs

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Being involved in the decisions

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AITA?

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Further information

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Breaking it down

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The OP explained in more detail about the whole story, saying that she felt like an ATM to them.

Related

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Having fertility problems

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Me and my brother are close

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The engagement party

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Not showing up

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My husband is supportive

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I deserve some recognition

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Individuals continued to ask more questions after the post ended, which prompted a few updates.

OP likewise added that it's not a one-sided relationship, as her brother was always there for her emotionally, and they are close.

The post was moderately short, but it immediately received a few more updates as individuals began asking questions

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Time to talk with the couple

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Traditionally...

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My SIL reply...

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Not asking for much

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The discussion with the SIL went nowhere, and everything went south when the OP got a call from the SIL's mom, requesting that she chip in for their honeymoon. She snapped and said she was paying for the whole wedding despite not being involved, which the mother had no idea about.

Furthermore, after speaking with her sibling, she was reassured that her efforts were valued, but neither the SIL nor her family truly understood the extent to which the OP helped. The post received almost 17,000 upvotes and 2.5K comments, along with more than 50 Reddit awards.

The conversation is leading nowhere

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Then, the ice was broken

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She definitely lost it...

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Let's be clear here

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The default assumption

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Eventually, the two agreed that OP would simply go as a guest, but she would halt her financial aid while still helping with certain things. They’ll still see each other, but this move was best for everyone.

Individuals online concluded that the OP isn't the problem here because she was very supportive.

Bank of sister is paying

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Smoothing things over

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Attending as a guest

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It's over to you now

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Just going to be a sister now...

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The pressure and obligations

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Planning a wedding involves numerous details, including selecting gifts, venues, and catering, which require collaboration between the couple. As relationship expert Dr. Esther Perel notes, "A wedding is not just an event; it’s a partnership that reflects the values and desires of both individuals." This complexity can become overwhelming, especially when one party feels excluded from decision-making while still contributing financially. Financial educator Dave Ramsey emphasizes that "money can complicate relationships, especially when expectations are misaligned." Thus, feeling upset in such a situation is understandable.