Woman Asks If She's Wrong For Not Supporting Her Cousin During Problems In A Marriage That Entire Family Disapproves

Typically, when people marry the person they believe they love, they often seek their family's blessing first. After all, the other person will become part of that family after tying the knot.

However, obtaining your family's blessing can be one of the most nerve-wracking experiences, especially if your partner hasn't spent as much time with them as you would like, among many other factors. The worst part is dealing with rejection.

That's one of the hardest things in the world to recover from. There you are, ready to spend your life with your partner, but the people you also love and cherish do not want him.

So you either choose one or fight fiercely for what you want. And if you do get what you want, there will be damages, and sometimes, those damages are irrevocable.

That's what the cousin of Redditor usernamedoesnotmake is experiencing right now. When her parents opposed the marriage, she begged OP to support her and help convince them, but OP refused.

And while OP's cousin still got what she wanted, she didn't end up with her fairytale ending. Now, she wants OP's help again, but OP can only do so much.

After some drama, OP is now wondering if she's the jerk in all this. Here's the whole story.

OP asks:

usernamedoesnotmake

OP was caught up in all the wedding drama of her cousin

usernamedoesnotmake

And OP refused to side with the bride

usernamedoesnotmake

The Complexity of Family Dynamics

Family dynamics often reveal underlying psychological patterns that influence behavior and decision-making. Dr. Maya Thompson, a clinical psychologist at Stanford, points out that familial expectations can create significant pressure, leading individuals to act in ways that may not align with their personal values. This pressure can lead to feelings of guilt or resentment, particularly when family members are involved in a conflict. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for navigating family relationships effectively.

Now that OP's cousin has realized that she isn't getting her fairytale, she's asking OP again for help

usernamedoesnotmake

But OP only gave her the cold hard truth

usernamedoesnotmake

While OP's cousin might have married for love, her parents did have a point. It's not as if they were trying to ruin their child's love life.

She should have at least considered their perspective, but alas, what happened happened, and now she has discovered that she is not going to get her little happy ending so easily.

As for OP's reaction to her pleas for help, we think it's completely logical. OP has boundaries too, plus she's not obligated to do anything just because they're cousins.

Many people in the comments section agree as well. Here are the best comments.

1. The cousin should take responsibility for the mess she willingly got herself into

kingofspookyseason

When someone chooses not to support a family member, it can stem from an instinctive desire to protect oneself from emotional turmoil. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, "People often prioritize their own emotional safety, especially in family conflicts that can resurface old wounds." This behavior is particularly common in emotionally charged situations, as these conflicts can trigger past traumas and unresolved issues that make it challenging to engage fully. Dr. Durvasula emphasizes that "self-preservation is a natural response when navigating complex family dynamics."

2. She should have had a good trial run before sealing the deal

Big__Bang

She also should've thought about her actions before asking for sympathy

Big__Bang

3. OP deserves to have boundaries too

that_jedi_girl

Navigating Guilt in Family Situations

Feelings of guilt can be debilitating, especially when they arise from family conflicts. According to Dr. Judith Herman, a renowned trauma specialist, guilt often signifies a misalignment between personal values and familial expectations. In her research, she emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries to maintain mental well-being. Individuals are encouraged to evaluate their emotional investments and recognize that their primary responsibility is to their own mental health.

4. It's solely up to you how much you give someone

browniesinthecorner

5. The baseline is it's not OP's responsibility

Sea_Bar8885

And OP can do as she pleases

Sea_Bar8885

It's essential to consider the long-term effects of supporting or not supporting family members in distress. A clinical psychologist observed that such decisions can influence future family interactions and relationships. Studies suggest that establishing clear boundaries can lead to healthier family dynamics, reducing feelings of resentment and fostering open communication. Ultimately, prioritizing mental health and creating an environment of understanding can facilitate healing.

6. The red flags were all there

Aradene

And OP's cousin didn't run out of people giving her advice

Aradene

7. The cousin does need to get out of that marriage though

WinEquivalent4069

But she has to have the strength to go through with it

WinEquivalent4069

8. Help her the right way

ladynox25

9. The cousin does seem to be trying to use family to avoid facing the consequences of her actions

Pleasant-Koala147

But she has to accept responsibility for her actions if she wants any decent help

Pleasant-Koala147

10. The fact is the cousin wanted it

BakerNormal4348

11. OP is not responsible for her cousin's mistakes

tofu_deluxe

Her cousin willingly ignored all the red flags

tofu_deluxe

12. The cycle repeats itself

HeavyMetalChick19

13. She wanted it, now she's got it

RakeishSPV

14. She's a grown woman who can figure things out

justputonashirt

Plus, she and OP haven't been that close in a while either

justputonashirt

15. The cousin is lucky OP even offered some kind of help despite her attitude

DatguyMalcolm

16. No one forced her to make those choices

aurumphallus

17. The cousin is causing her own troubles

Bbygirlbigboot

18. It's not OP's fault her cousin keeps declining the help that would actually benefit her

Over-Plankton9400

19. Actions have consequences

Miss_Melody_Pond

20. Now, this is what we call dealing with your very own karma

Technical_Pumpkin_65

As many of these comments have stated, OP's cousin created her own problems. She refused to listen the first time around, and now she's being picky about what others can do to help her.

OP has boundaries too, and she has a right to enforce them, especially when someone like her cousin is trying to drag her into the drama. What do you think of all this?

Psychological Analysis

From a psychological standpoint, this situation reflects the classic struggle between loyalty to family and the need for self-preservation. The decision not to support a cousin in distress may stem from past experiences that have taught the individual to prioritize their emotional safety over familial expectations. This behavior is a common reaction in individuals who have faced conflicting family dynamics in their upbringing.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the intricacies of family relationships through a psychological lens reveals how our choices are shaped by past experiences and present pressures. Research indicates that establishing boundaries and prioritizing mental health can lead to healthier interactions. As we navigate these complex dynamics, it’s crucial to balance familial obligations with personal well-being.