Boyfriend Abandons Pregnant Girlfriend, Shows Up 5 Months After The Birth, And Then Blames His GF For Not Trying Hard Enough To Inform Him The Baby Passed Away

Do you owe your absentee boyfriend anything after he vanished during your pregnancy? You shouldn't have to try so hard to convince him that the pregnancy he talked you into is also his responsibility.

A Redditor and her boyfriend have been together for four years when they found out she is pregnant. OP wasn't on board with having a kid just yet because it would affect a promotion she's been working hard to get.

She and her boyfriend, Lewis, talked about the pregnancy and what it meant for them. Eventually, they both agreed to move forward in this new chapter of their relationship.

All was going well until OP's 20th week of pregnancy. They had just found out the gender of their baby when Lewis suddenly disappeared.

OP had no way of contacting him. Her voicemails and messages to him were left unanswered.

OP messaged Lewis's mom in the end. She told OP that Lewis moved back home because he was too overwhelmed by the pregnancy.

He paid his share of the rent and other utilities but didn't talk to OP at all. OP even tried to see him at his mom's house, but he didn't bother to see her.

Around the 27th week of her pregnancy, OP gave up the prospect of talking to Lewis. She realized she has to ready herself as a single mom and plan for that future with her baby.

She thought she had Braxton Hicks contractions during her 31st week of pregnancy

u/throwaway-itried

A few days later, her water broke and she went into labor

u/throwaway-itried

Her baby was born early and died less than a week later due to complications

u/throwaway-itried

Understanding Abandonment and Responsibility

The dynamics of abandonment can profoundly affect relationships and individual behavior. Dr. Michael Richards, a relational therapist at Emory University, explains how abandonment issues often lead to complex emotional responses, particularly when responsibilities are involved.

In the case of the Redditor's boyfriend, his decision to abandon his pregnant girlfriend reflects deeper emotional struggles related to commitment and responsibility.

Defensive Coping Mechanisms in Relationships

The situation described reflects a common defensive strategy known as avoidant attachment, which often develops in response to early relational traumas.

According to Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading expert in attachment theory, when individuals feel overwhelmed, they may retreat to familiar patterns of detachment rather than facing emotional distress.

This behavior can manifest as an inability to communicate effectively, leading to significant misunderstandings, particularly in high-stakes situations like pregnancy and parenting.

Understanding the Emotional Impact of Abandonment

The abandonment experienced by the girlfriend can be understood through the lens of attachment theory, which posits that early relationships with caregivers shape our emotional responses in adult relationships. According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, "Insecure attachment styles can lead individuals to struggle with feelings of unworthiness and a heightened fear of rejection." The boyfriend's return after such a significant absence likely triggers a complex mix of hope and fear in the girlfriend, leading to emotional dysregulation. Dr. Solomon adds, "This emotional turmoil can create a challenging dynamic, as the individual may oscillate between wanting connection and fearing further abandonment."

She and her family tried to reach out to Lewis and his family before and after the baby's funeral to no avail. About 5 months after the baby's passing, Lewis showed up at OP's house.

u/throwaway-itried

He got mad that her house was not set up for a newborn and demanded to see the child. OP told him everything and he stormed off. His family has been calling and messaging OP vile things because she "didn't try hard enough" to inform him of what happened.

u/throwaway-itried

OP is not the a**hole no matter which way you slice the situation

cryinoverwangxian

Research published in the Journal of Family Relations indicates that individuals with abandonment issues may struggle with intimacy and responsibility, leading to patterns of avoidance and withdrawal. This is evident in the boyfriend's failure to communicate and his subsequent blame of the girlfriend for not informing him about their baby's passing.

Such behaviors can stem from unresolved emotional wounds that make it challenging to navigate adult relationships effectively.

Research in the field of psychology indicates that abandonment and rejection fears can severely impact a person's ability to engage in healthy relationships.

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships highlights that individuals with a history of relational instability are more likely to exhibit emotional dysregulation when faced with life-changing events.

Thus, feelings of being overwhelmed may trigger a fight-or-flight response, resulting in avoidance rather than open communication.

This scenario illustrates a classic case of projection, where the boyfriend blames his girlfriend rather than confronting his own feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

Psychologists note that projection serves as a defense mechanism, allowing individuals to maintain their self-image while deflecting responsibility.

Research from psychology journals indicates that this behavior can create a cycle of conflict, as the projected blame leads to further emotional distance between partners.

A responsible soon-to-be-parent will not have hidden in the first place

Saerisse

OP should have sent him a singing telegram every time there was an update about her pregnancy

BlueLanternKitty

Lewis does not deserve to be anybody's dad

EmiIIien

Addressing Abandonment Issues in Relationships

To promote healthier relationships, Dr. Lisa Ward, a clinical psychologist, recommends addressing underlying abandonment issues through open communication and therapy. Engaging in couples therapy can provide a safe space for both partners to express their feelings and work through their challenges together.

Research supports that couples who actively engage in therapeutic processes report improved communication and emotional intimacy, leading to healthier relationship dynamics.

Effective Communication Strategies

Experts suggest that establishing clear communication channels is critical in mitigating misunderstandings in relationships.

Practices such as active listening, where one fully engages with the other’s emotional state before responding, can foster a more supportive environment.

Additionally, utilizing 'I' statements can help express feelings without placing blame, creating a more constructive dialogue that encourages connection rather than defensiveness.

The Role of Communication in Healing Relationships

Effective communication is crucial in repairing relationships after trauma, as it fosters understanding and emotional connection.

According to studies in the field of relationship therapy, open dialogue about feelings and experiences can facilitate healing and rebuild trust.

Couples may benefit from structured communication techniques, such as active listening and nonviolent communication, which can help each partner express their needs without placing blame.

What if he knew what happened to their baby and showed up just in time to act like the aggrieved party

WillBsGirl

His anger was all just for show to absolve himself from all the blame of being a neglectful partner and parent

apothekryptic

OP's parents even helped just to reach out to Lewis and his parents, but even they were unsuccessful in contacting him

calliatom

Additionally, fostering emotional awareness can help individuals recognize and address their fears related to abandonment. This might involve journaling or engaging in mindfulness practices to cultivate a deeper understanding of one's emotional responses.

Studies show that increasing emotional awareness can enhance relationship satisfaction and reduce anxiety related to intimacy and commitment.

Furthermore, engaging in couples therapy can provide a safe space for both partners to explore their emotional responses and communication barriers.

Research by the American Psychological Association indicates that therapeutic interventions can significantly improve relationship satisfaction and emotional responsiveness.

This process encourages partners to empathize with each other's experiences, ultimately leading to stronger relational bonds.

It's essential to recognize that individuals often react to overwhelming situations based on their past experiences.

The boyfriend's reaction may stem from unresolved feelings about his own upbringing and how he learned to cope with stress.

Research shows that unresolved trauma can manifest as avoidance or emotional withdrawal, leading to maladaptive behaviors in adult relationships.

Lewis lost his standing in OP's life the moment he abandoned her and their baby

Vivid-Rent7730

If his name is not on the lease, that should qualify as trespassing, right?

babcock27

He didn't even bother to show up right around OP's scheduled due date, he showed up 5 months after the baby's birth

Psycosilly

The Impact of Trauma on Parenting

Parenting can be particularly challenging for individuals with unresolved trauma, as past experiences can color current interactions.

According to a study from the University of Michigan, children of parents with significant emotional distress often experience heightened anxiety and insecurity.

This cyclical pattern highlights the importance of addressing individual trauma to prevent perpetuating these issues in the next generation.

Practical Solutions for Navigating Abandonment Issues

In navigating the aftermath of abandonment, therapeutic interventions like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective.

CBT focuses on identifying and challenging negative thought patterns, which can help individuals reframe their experiences and reduce feelings of shame and inadequacy.

Additionally, support groups can provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences and feelings, fostering a sense of community and understanding.

OP stressing about Lewis vanishing like a bubble couldn't have helped her health during the pregnancy

Foxyfumbles

He is quite possibly the most entitled father-to-be posted in the subreddit

Direct-Light1879

The fact that he egged his family on to harass OP after what she already went through solidified how monstrous he is

Direct-Light1879

Mindfulness practices can be beneficial for parents aiming to break this cycle.

Research shows that mindfulness can enhance emotional regulation and decrease stress, leading to more responsive parenting.

Incorporating daily mindfulness exercises, such as breathing techniques or meditation, can help parents stay grounded and present, positively impacting their children’s emotional well-being.

It's crucial for both partners to engage in self-reflection to understand their emotional triggers and responses.

According to trauma specialists, understanding one's emotional landscape can lead to healthier coping strategies and more constructive interactions.

Journaling or therapy can be valuable tools for this process, as they encourage individuals to explore their feelings in a supportive environment.

He deliberately showed up around the time that the baby was supposed to be more calm. Jerk on all counts.

overly-underfocused

OP saw the outpouring love and support from internet strangers and realized she did nothing wrong

u/throwaway-itried

She is doing her best to move forward with the help of her therapist

u/throwaway-itried

Exploring Abandonment Anxiety

Abandonment anxiety is a profound psychological theme that often drives relational behaviors in adults.

Dr. John Bowlby’s attachment theory emphasizes that early experiences with caregivers shape one's ability to form lasting relationships.

Individuals who have faced abandonment may struggle with trust and emotional intimacy, leading to avoidance when they feel threatened by potential loss.

The Importance of Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is key in effectively dealing with the aftermath of abandonment.

Research indicates that individuals who can manage their emotional responses are better equipped to handle interpersonal conflicts and maintain healthy relationships.

Techniques such as mindfulness and meditation have been shown to enhance emotional regulation, allowing individuals to respond rather than react to stressful situations.

OP should never let Lewis or his family know where she is moving to. They will not stop harassing her.

OP was not the a**hole at all. Lewis is such a reprehensible person that we only need to think of him whenever we doubt our self-worth.

What do you think?

Building a strong support network is essential for emotional recovery after such traumatic experiences.

Supportive relationships can buffer against the negative effects of stress and provide necessary emotional resources for healing.

Engaging with friends, family, or counselors can help individuals process their feelings and foster resilience.

Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects common dynamics seen in relationships where one partner experiences trauma and the other struggles with emotional availability.

The boyfriend's behavior may stem from his own unresolved issues related to commitment and responsibility, often seen in individuals who have not developed secure attachment styles.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research from the National Institute of Mental Health emphasizes the importance of addressing emotional trauma through evidence-based interventions.

Therapeutic approaches that combine cognitive understanding with emotional support can lead to significant improvements in relationship dynamics.

Ultimately, healing is a gradual process that requires patience, understanding, and consistent effort from both partners.

This pattern can create a self-fulfilling prophecy where the fear of abandonment leads to behaviors that push partners away.

To address this, individuals can benefit from cognitive-behavioral strategies that challenge negative thought patterns related to their worthiness and relational security.

Building self-esteem and practicing vulnerability can help break the cycle of fear and avoidance, allowing for healthier relationships.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the profound impact of early relational experiences on adult behaviors and emotional responses.

It's crucial to recognize that avoidance can stem from deeply ingrained fears of abandonment, which may lead individuals to withdraw when faced with emotional stress.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the psychological dynamics at play in relationships marked by trauma and avoidance is essential for healing.

Research indicates that addressing these issues through therapy and open communication can significantly improve relational outcomes.

Ultimately, fostering an environment of empathy and understanding is key to overcoming the barriers posed by past experiences.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the complex emotional landscape surrounding abandonment and responsibility. It highlights the need for individuals to confront their fears and communicate openly with their partners.

By fostering understanding and emotional awareness, relationships can be strengthened even in the face of challenges.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, abandonment issues can significantly impact individual behavior and relationship dynamics. Understanding these emotional patterns is crucial for fostering healthier connections.

Ultimately, addressing these issues through communication and self-awareness can lead to more fulfilling relationships.