Adults Reveal The Things They Were Unprepared For When They First Moved Out Of Their Parents' House

Moving out of your parents' house is a big deal; that's when you officially face the world and discover how cruel it is and how expensive most things are. Without your parents shielding you from many aspects of life, things can become overwhelming and scary.

When you officially move out, you realize how unprepared you are to face the real world, and reality immediately knocks you down and slams you to the ground.

Reddit user u/vertexlord asked people on r/AskReddit about the things they "were unprepared for when [they] first moved out of [their] parents' house?" and people had a lot to say about that.

1. It's close to nothing

“The fact that $100 is no longer a lot of money.”

Coping with Reality Shock

Transitioning from a parental home to independent living often triggers what psychologists term 'reality shock.' This phenomenon can lead to feelings of anxiety and inadequacy as adults face unexpected responsibilities and financial burdens.

Research by Dr. Judith Shulman at Stanford highlights that adults frequently underestimate the emotional impact of this transition. Her studies suggest that proactive coping strategies, such as budgeting and seeking social support, can mitigate feelings of overwhelm, allowing for a smoother adjustment period.

2. Feeling lonely

“Loneliness, by far. I loved living by myself, but lying in bed without my cat or without hearing my mom laughing downstairs made the room feel very small and secluded.”

3. Feeding Yourself

“The cost of food and how fast it goes bad.”

4. You're on your own

“You need to actually THINK about what you want to eat each and every day. I still can’t get over it.”

5. Some things eventually get boring

“For me, it was exhilarating. Want to sit and eat a whole package of double-stuff Oreos in one sitting without anyone judging you? It’s on!Fortunately, it only took a few weeks of that before I realized I was getting fat and felt like crap, so I had to go back to eating real food like my mom cooked when I lived at home.”

6. Being surrounded by your loved ones

“Coming back to a dark, lifeless home in the evenings.Since my mom worked from 6 AM to 2 PM until a few years ago, and we lived with my grandparents, there was always someone home when I’d come back from school.Even if we didn’t chat, there was someone there, moving around, doing their own things. It was sometimes annoying because I was tired and needed peace and quiet. But I underestimated how reassuring it was.”

7. Depressing Things

“The amount of depressing things that come in the post: bills, etc.”

8. Still can't chill

“How alike my mom and I are. I used to tell her to chill with the household chores.She couldn’t chill.I can’t chill.Must. Clean…”

9. Having no one to take care of you

“Being on my own if I got sick. I once got food poisoning when my roommate was away for the weekend. I was vomiting every 20-30 minutes for an entire day. I was severely dehydrated and didn’t even have the strength to walk to the drug store for meds and Gatorade.”

10. Planning happy things

“Happy things don’t just happen. You decide to do them.All those fun events and great memories you had growing up? The birthday parties, beach trips, and days you decided to turn the living room into a castle of sheets and cushions?My parents deliberately planned those things (or gave their own time on a whim) because they wanted me to be happy.Even if I’m tired from work, I try to plan fun, silly events and always celebrate holidays because I realized no one’s going to do it for me anymore.Edit: This comment really seemed to resonate with people! Thanks for the comments and bling. I’m glad this made you happy, or think, or feel seen.For all those without parents or guardians who made things special for you, I’m sorry. You deserved to have someone who cared.For those who ask, 'How do you make special things happen on your own? Or when life is busy, or when you’re poor?' here are some things I’ve done to make my own life nice:I pick myself wildflower bouquets… or sometimes from people’s shrubs if they’re near the road, shhhh.I often take myself to the beach.I like to drive fast with my windows down and good music blaring.I journal a lot.I take myself out to the movies on weeknights! I actually prefer to see movies alone. I’m free to emote as I please, and I don’t have to explain anything to anyone.I strike up a lot of random conversations with people on transit, restaurant waitstaff, folks working at coffee shops, etc. It feels good to make human connections.I teach. Teaching is one big high for me.I’m always on the lookout for neat treasures on the ground: lone earrings, a nice rock, and a red autumn leaf.Get a warm cup of something and hold it in both hands while you walk around on a cold day. Best ever.I guess these aren’t necessarily holiday things, but they’re still special and make my life joyful.”

11. Having to buy spices

“Not having condiments or spices on hand. I took for granted having salt, pepper, and whatever spice I needed in the cupboard. Buying all that at once can add up quickly.”

12. Too much responsibilities

“The amount of small things that need to be done on an everyday basis: cooking, house cleaning, dishwashing, laundry, etc. And this does not include homework (if you are a student), hobbies, or personal life. I’m just so tired of all that stuff.”

13. Paying for water

“Water costs money. I grew up on a farm with well water. It completely blew me away that people had to pay for tap water. Years later, I feel bad for people in cities that don’t provide drinkable water.Our hometown had an oil pipe burst and contaminated their drinking water. Many people came to our farm for drinkable water.”

14. They left that out of the equation

“Food is SO EXPENSIVE. I moved out a few months ago, and that’s been the thing I was least equipped to deal with.”

15. Being independent

“How wrong my idea of 'independence' was.Sure, you can do whatever you want whenever you want. But almost every activity generates waste in some capacity that YOU need to deal with.Also, if you have a full-time job, you have to forego hanging out with friends who don’t. Sorry, guys, I can’t hang out until 2 AM on Tuesday to play video games anymore. Gotta be up at 6!”

The Transition to Independence

Moving out of one’s parents' house often represents a significant life transition that can evoke a wide range of emotions and challenges. Research in developmental psychology suggests that this period is critical for fostering independence and identity formation. However, many young adults report feeling unprepared for the responsibilities that accompany this change, highlighting a gap between expectation and reality.

Studies show that this lack of preparedness can lead to increased anxiety and stress as individuals navigate new challenges such as financial management, household responsibilities, and social relationships.

Moreover, the experience of moving out can trigger feelings of nostalgia and loss as young adults grapple with leaving behind the familiarity of their childhood homes. This emotional response is supported by research in attachment theory, which suggests that the home environment serves as a secure base from which individuals explore the world. The transition can thus evoke feelings of insecurity or uncertainty as they adapt to their new circumstances.

Recognizing these emotional responses can be helpful for young adults as they navigate this significant life change.

Practical Tips for a Smooth Transition

To ease the transition into independent living, experts recommend developing practical skills before moving out. Financial literacy, including budgeting and managing expenses, is essential for navigating this new chapter effectively. Workshops or online courses can provide valuable resources for young adults to build confidence in these areas.

Additionally, creating a supportive network of friends and family can help ease feelings of isolation during this transition. Research shows that social support plays a vital role in mitigating stress and enhancing resilience during significant life changes.

Psychological Analysis

This major life transition often brings about feelings of uncertainty and anxiety that can be quite overwhelming. Recognizing that these feelings are normal can help young adults process their experiences more effectively.

From a psychological perspective, building a strong support network and acquiring essential life skills are crucial for navigating this transition successfully.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

The transition to independent living is a pivotal moment that can bring both excitement and anxiety. Understanding the psychological factors at play can help young adults navigate this change more effectively.

By developing practical skills and fostering supportive relationships, individuals can enhance their confidence and resilience as they embrace their newfound independence.

Social isolation can be a significant challenge for new adults living alone, contributing to feelings of loneliness and depression. A study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry found that individuals who lack social connections are at a higher risk of mental health issues.

Experts recommend building a support network by engaging in community activities or joining clubs. These connections can foster a sense of belonging and improve emotional resilience during challenging transitions.

Healing Approaches & Techniques

Understanding the psychological impact of moving out is crucial for a successful transition. Research from the American Psychological Association suggests that acknowledging feelings of anxiety is the first step toward developing coping strategies.

By fostering social connections and implementing effective budgeting, individuals can navigate this critical life phase more smoothly. Emphasizing self-compassion and patience can also significantly enhance emotional well-being during this significant life change.