AITA For Causing Conflict Over Sister Trip Guest Responsibilities?

Are you the one causing a rift in the family vacation plans, or are you just standing your ground on a valid concern? Picture this: a long-awaited sister trip on a cruise, but the harmony is shattered by a hypothetical situation involving a messy, drunk sister-in-law.

The dilemma unfolds as one sister insists on inviting her inebriated guest, but the responsibility falls on the one who extended the invite. The backstory reveals a history of family dynamics and past experiences that influence the present conflict.

The divide deepens as differing viewpoints clash over who should handle the potential fallout. The tension escalates as personal responsibilities and family obligations collide on the deck of a cruise ship.

The Reddit thread delves into the nuances of familial relationships, boundaries, and accountability. The community weighs in on the moral compass of the situation, dissecting each character's role in the unfolding drama.

As the debate unfolds, judgments are cast, perspectives are shared, and the verdict on who bears the brunt of responsibility is scrutinized. So, dear Redditors, with all the pieces of the puzzle laid out - are you the one at fault in this tangled web of family drama?

Or are you simply protecting your peace amidst the storm of conflicting interests? The judgment is in your hands.

Original Post

I (30F) have three older sisters: T (41F), S (36F), and R (35F). T is married with two kids and lives out of town.

Due to our large age gap, we aren’t very close, and we tend to butt heads the most out of all the sisters. For years, we've talked about going on a sister trip, but T always has some excuse not to go.

Recently, S got married to her long-term boyfriend of ten years, and they’ve decided to start trying for a baby. Before they begin that journey, S wanted to go on a vacation.

Her husband is going to Japan with his brother, so she wanted to go on a cruise with her sisters. When we first started planning, T said she couldn’t go.

We went ahead with booking and making arrangements without her. Then, a few weeks later, T changed her mind and decided she wanted to come—but she also wanted to invite her sister-in-law, M (37F?).

We’ve all met M and get along with her well enough. The only issue is that M drinks a lot and is a messy drunk.

Despite this concern, we all agreed she could come. However, I told T that since she was the one inviting M, she would be responsible for her if she got drunk or sick.

This is where the issue started. T got upset and said she doesn’t get to go on many vacations because she has a family to take care of.

She argued that since we don’t have the same responsibilities as her, she wanted to fully enjoy this trip. I reminded her that her choices were her own, and she was responsible for them.

T then suggested that we should all take turns looking after M so that everyone could enjoy the cruise. I refused, saying that M was her guest, and if she wanted her there, she needed to take care of her.

This led to a shouting match, and now T is backing out of the trip entirely. Now, S is upset with both of us.

She says I shouldn’t have made an issue out of something hypothetical—M might not even get drunk or sick. S feels like we could have just gone on the cruise and dealt with any situations if and when they came up.

I feel like I might be the A here because my stance caused unnecessary conflict, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s fair for the rest of us to be responsible for someone we didn’t invite. So, Reddit—AITA?

Update: I wanted to provide more context because I left out an important detail, though I still don’t think it changes the core issue. We actually have one more person joining our trip—K (41F), who is T’s best friend from high school.

We’ve known K for over 25 years, and she has always treated us like little sisters. When planning the trip, we originally booked two cabins for two people each.

With T and K deciding to join, we adjusted to make it work, agreeing to split into two cabins of three by adding a cot to each room. The arrangement was: T, K, and M in one cabin, and R, S, and I in the other.

Now, a little more background on why I reacted the way I did. A few years ago, R, our mom, and I joined T and her family on a Disneyland trip.

We covered our own expenses—tickets, hotel, and transportation. We simply spent time together at the park.

The problem was that T kept trying to pawn off her 9-year-old daughter on us so she and her husband could go on big rides together. We refused because we had paid for our own tickets and didn’t want to spend the day babysitting.

When that didn’t work, she tried to get our mom to watch her daughter. We shut that down too, since we had paid for our mom’s ticket, and she was excited to experience Disneyland for the first time.

So, having dealt with this before, R and I already knew what to expect from T. That’s why R fully agreed with me when I told T that if M joined, she was responsible for her.

Some background on T: She has a traditional marriage where her husband works while she is a SAHM. Her husband is a nurse with a 4-day-on, 4-day-off schedule.

They live about five hours away, close to his side of the family. To be honest, we don’t like T’s husband, and he doesn’t like us, but we’re civil for the sake of T and the kids.

R, S, K, and I have speculated before that T avoids going on trips with us because her husband doesn’t trust us alone with her. We suspect he fears we’ll try to convince her to leave him or something—who knows?

That’s why R and I think the only reason T was suddenly allowed to go on this cruise was that M would be there as a chaperone of sorts. Of course, we could be wrong, as T and M have become really close over the years.

For the record, we actually like M—she's nice and fun to be around. It’s just that when she drinks, she doesn’t know her limits, and it can become a mess.

She doesn’t drink all the time, but when she does, she goes overboard. That’s why I didn’t want to take responsibility for her.

So, after laying all this out—AITA?

Understanding Family Dynamics and Responsibility

In family systems theory, the way responsibilities are assigned can greatly impact relationships. When one member feels burdened by others' expectations, it often creates resentment and conflict.

Dr. Murray Bowen, a pioneer in family therapy, emphasizes that family roles are often rigid and can lead to dysfunction when one person steps outside their expected role. In this context, refusing to take responsibility may be a healthy boundary-setting behavior.

Comment from u/fancyandfab

Comment from u/Hot_North_7725

Research shows that sibling relationships are complex and often fraught with competition and loyalty conflicts. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher, "Sibling rivalry can stem from perceived unfairness, leading to long-term rifts if not addressed." Understanding this dynamic can help individuals navigate feelings of guilt and assert their boundaries more effectively, as noted by Dr. Susan David, an expert in emotional agility, who states, "Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships, including those with siblings."

Comment from u/MedicinalWalnuts

Comment from u/Individual_Ad_9213

The Psychological Impact of Guilt and Resentment

Guilt is a powerful emotion that can lead to significant stress and anxiety. According to Dr. Brené Brown, a leading researcher in shame and vulnerability, guilt often stems from a fear of disconnection.

When we feel guilty about our choices, like refusing to take responsibility for a sibling’s guest, it can create an internal conflict between wanting to be helpful and needing to protect our own well-being.

Comment from u/BGS2204

Comment from u/Less_Competition_381

Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, especially in families. A study from the American Psychological Association suggests that individuals who assert their boundaries tend to experience lower levels of anxiety and higher satisfaction in their relationships.

Therefore, it’s beneficial to communicate openly about responsibilities and expectations with family members to prevent misunderstandings and foster a more supportive environment.

Comment from u/LonelyOwl68

Comment from u/Empress_ofthe_Stars

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Comment from u/BigExplanationmayB

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the classic struggle individuals face when balancing family obligations with personal boundaries. It’s essential to recognize that feeling overwhelmed by familial expectations is common and not a sign of weakness.

Setting boundaries is a healthy response and can lead to more constructive family dynamics in the long run.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, understanding the dynamics of family relationships can provide insight into personal behavior and emotions. Research consistently demonstrates that establishing healthy boundaries is essential for emotional well-being.

As noted in various psychological studies, navigating familial expectations requires a balance of empathy and self-care, which can lead to healthier and more fulfilling family interactions.