Woman Asks If She Is Wrong To Cut Her Sister Off After She Arranged Her Marriage To Get Out Of Debt

Some families seem to be more drama prone than others. I mean, the Kardashians, love them or hate them, managed to build an entire global empire, and become zillionaires, off of sharing their drama, fights, and literally everything with the entire world.

Every family is different, and every family has its whole load of dynamics, secrets, and gossip. Honestly, one of the strangest parts of growing up is when you finally become privy to all of the family chaos that was hidden from you when you were a child.

I think it is also fairly safe to say that as humans we all love to have a little gossip. Spill all the tea and dine out on the twists and turns of drama.

One of the best places to learn all of this stuff is on the “Am I The Asshole?” Thread on Reddit. If you are unfamiliar, it is a place where someone posts a story and asks if they are the villain in it—the comments are full of judgments and further questions as the internet decide which person in the story sucks the most. Basically, if you are a lover of drama, you need to get on this thread!

The post, by u/shouldhavestayednbed begins

I am Indian. Arranged marriages are a big thing here. The story starts when I was 18. My sister, Ani (who also had an arranged marriage to Abe and had 2 kids) tried to convince my parents to marry me off to Abe’s close friend and business partner, Ben (who was 29 back then).

Family dynamics often reflect deeper psychological constructs, such as loyalty and betrayal. According to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology, these concepts can create complicated emotional landscapes, especially when financial stressors are involved.

Dr. Judith Wallerstein's studies on family systems reveal that economic dependency can lead to manipulative behaviors, as individuals may resort to drastic measures to escape debt. Open dialogue about financial issues is essential, as it fosters understanding and reduces blame, leading to healthier family relationships.

So OP's sister is arranging the whole thing

I was naive back then and everyone convinced me to marry Ben because he is nice and he would let me continue my studies and even let me work. My sister told me that getting married early meant that i get to spend more time to love him. She convinced me that arranged marriages work and I would be happy.

It sounds fine, until...

I believed them and agreed. Few days before my marriage, I found out that Abe owed Ben a lot of money and Ben said that he would forgive Abe’s debt if he gets to marry me. I freaked out and “tested” Ben. I told him that I have already applied and paid the fees for my college. He yelled at me and told me that I shouldn’t do anything without his permission. He told me that he was gonna let me study but now he is not going to.

Luckily OP managed to get out

I ran away from home that night with nothing but the clothes on my back. Cut everyone off. Went to a new city. Busted my ass in college. Got a great job. Fell in love. Got married to another childfree Indian.

Until her sister found her again...

A year ago, my sister reached out to me. She found me by hiring someone to find me. She started off by wanting to be sisters again. Slowly, she started asking me for money. Snide remarks about how Abe threw her out of the house after I ran, how Ben screwed their family and left them nearly homeless as revenge, etc. It’s like she is bi polar. Sometimes, she tells me that she too wished that she had run away and found a life like mine. Sometimes, she tells me that I was a selfish bitch that ruined her family and marriage.

OP tried to cut her off again

She was going on one such rant yesterday and I lost it. I pretty much told her that it is not my fault that she is poor or that her marriage is miserable. I abruptly cut her off again and refused to send her any more money.

OP's post concludes...

Aita here because she really does need that money and I earn enough that the amount I was sending her monthly wasn’t making any dents for me. It also means that Abe might throw her / the kids out of the house again.She called me crying and apologising but I told her to stop calling and blocked her.She was married off when she was 20. She was never allowed to work. She doesn’t have any support system there. So, I feel really guilty.

Reddit is kind of divided over this one...

This user didn't hold back...

Angiecats95:

Nta. Your sister basically sold you for her husband's debt. She's selfish. You don't owe them anything.

And another clear "not the asshole"

NiteGrimwood

NTA, you should of cut contact and never went back. They sound like they were selling you into slavery to be honest.Sister, why was it ok for you to treat me poorly and lie to me but its my fault that you did it and when I found out I left? She sounds like all she cares is about money. You should of kept her gone for selling your body/virginity/whatever so her husband would get out of debt.I have learned that anyone that wants to marry a barely legal (18/19) person and is over 10 years older its a huge red flagyour sister sounds super manipulative. If she has that big of a problem why doesnt she sell herself like she tried to do to you (I am petty)

This one is more balanced

ebwoods1:

The sister was also probably ynder immense pressure from her husband.OP is NTA. The BIL, former fiancee are definitely assholes. I'm abbivalent on the sister. I feel like she is trapped and desperate.

And this one makes a very fair point...

Click_To_Sign_In:

"NTA, but...[She was married off when she was 20. She was never allowed to work. She doesn't have any support system there. So, I feel really guilty.]This.This is rough. I come from a different culture, but it's hard to imagine just being married off to someone at 20, not being allowed to work, and just being expected to deal with it. I'm not going to comment on your culture other than it's understandable that someone could find that really, really hard."

This story is super tough. Obviously, it is hard to get a balanced perspective on the story when only one person is reporting it, as you never know when the creative license ends, and how much of the story has been omitted.

Nevertheless, there are a lot of complex dynamics and super abusive relationships happening: this is one of those stories where there are many victims, yet that still doesn't make a lot of the behavior okay.

But where do you stand; who do you think is in the wrong here? For more stories like this hit up the r/AmItheAsshole Thread.

Navigating Family Dynamics

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Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

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