AITA for distancing myself from mom who excused creepy instructor's behavior?

A 22-year-old healthcare worker thought her CPR recert class would be, you know, normal. Instead, she got a side quest she never asked for, a creepy instructor who somehow had her number and her home address, and a mom who treated it like a compliment.

The class itself was fine, the instructor was awkward but professional, and he even promised to email her COPD-related CPR info. Then that night, an unknown number texted her, introduced itself as “Peter” from the class, and started pulling details from her life like it was already in his notes.

By the time the flirty comments kicked in, she blocked him, and her mom’s response made everything worse.

Original Post

I (22F) have been working in healthcare for six years, and where I live, we have to renew our CPR certification every two years. Mine was expiring, so I signed up through the official website and attended the class.

There were about 15 of us there. The instructor was in his mid-40s and a little awkward, but as an autistic adult myself, I just saw it as quirky and harmless.

The class went fine. He was knowledgeable and professional while teaching.

At the end, I asked about CPR for COPD patients because of a recent code at work. He said he’d email me some articles, which I appreciated.

Later that night, I received a text from an unknown number. It was him.

He had taken my number from the attendance sheet without asking. He introduced himself as “Peter” (fake name) from the CPR class.

I didn’t respond at first, but he texted again, asking how I was doing. I replied politely but briefly, making sure to mention my boyfriend several times.

The next morning, he sent “good morning” and later asked about my schooling, which was something I had only mentioned once in class. He also asked where I graduated because he “wanted to become a nurse.”

This man is an EMT. It’s not that I don’t believe that an EMT couldn’t be a nurse; I just think he was trying to get more information about me and where I went to school because I told him I’m going back in the fall.

Then came flirty comments, like calling me “smart” despite barely knowing me. What made me most uncomfortable was knowing he also had my home address from that attendance sheet.

I ended up blocking him. When I told my mom what happened, expecting concern, she said I should feel “flattered” and brushed it off as him being “quirky.” She’s always had a strange way of excusing men’s behavior, treating them like they’re somehow above women and that we should be pleasing to them.

This isn’t the first time she’s dismissed me. Anytime I bring her a problem, she tends to side with the other person and call me “dramatic.” Since this happened, I’ve pulled back emotionally.

I still talk to her, but my responses are short, and I don’t share personal details anymore. She’s noticed and keeps asking if I “hate” her, even calling me a “b***h” for being cold when “he just liked you.” But to me, this wasn’t flattery—it was a professional crossing boundaries and making me feel unsafe.

My mom invalidating those feelings hurt more than the situation itself. AITA for distancing myself from her after she dismissed what happened?

The incident involving the CPR instructor and the protagonist highlights a troubling reality regarding the abuse of power within educational settings. When an instructor oversteps professional boundaries, it not only jeopardizes the safety of students but also reflects deeper psychological issues that can manifest in such positions of authority. The mother's dismissal of her daughter's concerns about feeling unsafe is particularly alarming, as it underscores a common issue where victims are often silenced or invalidated. This pattern can lead to a significant power imbalance, forcing students into silence and creating an environment that fosters discomfort and fear.

Moreover, the importance of cultivating a culture of respect and accountability in educational institutions cannot be overstated. Encouraging open discussions about professional conduct is essential in empowering students to speak up about inappropriate behavior without the fear of being dismissed. Schools must prioritize transparency to ensure that all students feel valued and respected, thereby contributing to a healthier and more supportive academic environment. It is imperative that these institutions recognize the potential psychological distress that can arise from power dynamics and take proactive steps to address and rectify such issues.

Comment from u/Separate_Security472

Comment from u/Epsilon_and_Delta

That’s when the “CPR articles” promise turned into late-night texting from the instructor, using the attendance sheet like it was his personal contact list.

The mother's dismissal of her daughter's discomfort is particularly troubling and raises significant concerns about emotional development. (2015), parental invalidation can lead to long-lasting issues with emotional regulation and self-worth in children. When parents downplay or ignore their child's feelings, it may inadvertently teach them to distrust their own instincts and personal experiences, creating a sense of confusion about their emotional responses.

This situation underscores the critical importance of validating emotions in a child's upbringing. Parents should strive to listen actively and respond with empathy, fostering a safe space where their children can freely express their feelings without fear of judgment or ridicule. By doing so, they not only strengthen the parent-child bond but also empower their children to develop healthy emotional skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.

Comment from u/Yeetmetothevoid

Comment from u/ocnozix

The next morning, “good morning” and questions about her schooling hit, even though she only mentioned her plans once in class.

Wedding chaos, like the fiancé who demanded an open relationship, cheated, then blamed her, shows how lines get crossed.

The situation presented in this article underscores the critical importance of establishing boundaries, particularly in professional settings where power dynamics can lead to discomfort and even danger. The healthcare worker's experience with her CPR instructor highlights the necessity for open lines of communication about what constitutes acceptable behavior. The immediate step of reaching out to a trusted person can serve as a vital first move in processing the emotions tied to such incidents.

In the short term, participating in workshops centered on boundary-setting and assertiveness can equip individuals with the skills needed to navigate uncomfortable situations effectively. This proactive approach not only strengthens personal resolve but also fosters a culture of respect within professional environments. Over the longer term, engaging in therapy or support groups can be invaluable. These resources provide a safe space to unpack unresolved feelings and develop healthier communication strategies, which are crucial for creating an emotionally safe atmosphere both at work and at home. Ultimately, the journey toward emotional safety is ongoing, but the steps outlined are essential for anyone looking to reclaim their sense of security and autonomy.

Comment from u/beachpellini

Comment from u/ScarletNotThatOne

When he asked where she graduated and called her “smart,” she clocked the real issue, he already had her home address from the same sheet.

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Comment from u/No_Remove5947

Comment from u/TimelyYogurtcloset82

Then OP told her mom what happened, and her mom brushed it off as “quirky,” basically telling her to feel flattered instead of alarmed.

The daughter’s choice to distance herself from her mother emerges as a necessary act of self-preservation, particularly in light of her mother’s troubling dismissal of the instructor's inappropriate behavior. This narrative underscores the critical role that validation of feelings plays in any relationship, especially between a parent and child. The mother’s failure to acknowledge her daughter’s discomfort not only diminishes the seriousness of the instructor's actions but also sends a message that the daughter’s emotions are unworthy of consideration. This situation illustrates the vital need for healthy boundaries to foster nurturing relationships and protect one's well-being. Furthermore, the lack of open communication about discomfort can leave deep emotional scars, highlighting the necessity for honest dialogue in navigating complex and potentially harmful experiences. The daughter's response serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of supportive conversations in family dynamics, particularly when troubling incidents arise.

Now OP has to wonder if it’s safer to cut off the instructor, or the mom who keeps excusing the behavior.

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