AITA for distancing myself from mom who excused creepy instructor's behavior?

Are you the asshole for pulling away from your mom? That's the question at the heart of this gripping story.

A 22-year-old healthcare worker found herself in an uncomfortable situation after her CPR instructor took things too far. Despite feeling unsafe, her mother dismissed the incident as mere quirkiness.

This clash of perspectives between the daughter and her mom raises complex issues about boundaries, safety, and respect. The post delves into the instructor's inappropriate behavior of obtaining personal information and making unwanted advances.

The daughter's reaction of blocking him and seeking validation from her mother sets the stage for a thought-provoking discussion. It explores the nuances of feeling violated in a professional setting and the impact of a parent's response on one's emotional well-being.

The top comments highlight the importance of setting boundaries, taking action against inappropriate behavior, and challenging outdated beliefs about gender dynamics. The exchange between Reddit users offers support and advice, urging the daughter to prioritize her safety and trust her instincts.

This narrative unfolds a compelling tale of navigating uncomfortable situations and seeking validation in the face of dismissal.

Original Post

I (22F) have been working in healthcare for six years, and where I live, we have to renew our CPR certification every two years. Mine was expiring, so I signed up through the official website and attended the class.

There were about 15 of us there. The instructor was in his mid-40s and a little awkward, but as an autistic adult myself, I just saw it as quirky and harmless.

The class went fine. He was knowledgeable and professional while teaching.

At the end, I asked about CPR for COPD patients because of a recent code at work. He said he’d email me some articles, which I appreciated.

Later that night, I received a text from an unknown number. It was him.

He had taken my number from the attendance sheet without asking. He introduced himself as “Peter” (fake name) from the CPR class.

I didn’t respond at first, but he texted again, asking how I was doing. I replied politely but briefly, making sure to mention my boyfriend several times.

The next morning, he sent “good morning” and later asked about my schooling, which was something I had only mentioned once in class. He also asked where I graduated because he “wanted to become a nurse.”

This man is an EMT. It’s not that I don’t believe that an EMT couldn’t be a nurse; I just think he was trying to get more information about me and where I went to school because I told him I’m going back in the fall.

Then came flirty comments, like calling me “smart” despite barely knowing me. What made me most uncomfortable was knowing he also had my home address from that attendance sheet.

I ended up blocking him. When I told my mom what happened, expecting concern, she said I should feel “flattered” and brushed it off as him being “quirky.” She’s always had a strange way of excusing men’s behavior, treating them like they’re somehow above women and that we should be pleasing to them.

This isn’t the first time she’s dismissed me. Anytime I bring her a problem, she tends to side with the other person and call me “dramatic.” Since this happened, I’ve pulled back emotionally.

I still talk to her, but my responses are short, and I don’t share personal details anymore. She’s noticed and keeps asking if I “hate” her, even calling me a “b***h” for being cold when “he just liked you.” But to me, this wasn’t flattery—it was a professional crossing boundaries and making me feel unsafe.

My mom invalidating those feelings hurt more than the situation itself. AITA for distancing myself from her after she dismissed what happened?

Understanding the Psychology of Boundary Crossing

When an instructor crosses professional boundaries, it often reveals deeper issues related to power dynamics and potential personality disorders. Dr. Paul Bloom, a psychology professor, states, "Inappropriate behavior in positions of power can stem from a profound need for control or validation, which can create an unsettling environment for those under their influence." This dynamic can leave students feeling powerless to voice their concerns or seek help, ultimately impacting their educational experience and mental health. Paul Bloom's website emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns to foster healthier interactions.

Such experiences can lead to significant psychological distress, making it crucial for educational institutions to cultivate environments where boundaries are respected and upheld. Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, notes, "Open discussions about professional conduct can empower students to voice concerns without fear of being dismissed." By promoting transparency and accountability, schools can create a safer space for learning, where students feel valued and respected, thus encouraging a healthier academic atmosphere. For more insights, visit Helen Fisher's website.

Comment from u/Separate_Security472

Comment from u/Epsilon_and_Delta

The mother's dismissal of her daughter's discomfort is particularly troubling and raises significant concerns about emotional development. According to a study by Levendosky et al. (2015), parental invalidation can lead to long-lasting issues with emotional regulation and self-worth in children. When parents downplay or ignore their child's feelings, it may inadvertently teach them to distrust their own instincts and personal experiences, creating a sense of confusion about their emotional responses.

This situation underscores the critical importance of validating emotions in a child's upbringing. Parents should strive to listen actively and respond with empathy, fostering a safe space where their children can freely express their feelings without fear of judgment or ridicule. By doing so, they not only strengthen the parent-child bond but also empower their children to develop healthy emotional skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.

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Comment from u/ocnozix

What Research Shows About Personal Safety

To prevent similar situations and improve emotional safety, it’s essential to establish open communication channels that foster understanding and respect. Here’s a comprehensive step-by-step approach to help you navigate this process effectively:

Immediate (today): Reach out to someone you trust, whether it's a friend, colleague, or mentor, to discuss your feelings about boundaries in professional settings. Sharing your thoughts can provide clarity and reassurance, reinforcing the importance of setting limits. Short-term (1–2 weeks): Attend workshops or seminars focused on boundary-setting and assertiveness, which can provide practical tools for managing uncomfortable situations and enhancing your communication skills.

Longer-term (1–3 months): Consider engaging in therapy or support groups to explore unresolved feelings and develop healthier communication strategies. These settings can offer valuable insights and support, allowing you to cultivate a more emotionally safe environment in both personal and professional spheres.

Comment from u/beachpellini

Comment from u/ScarletNotThatOne

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Comment from u/No_Remove5947

Comment from u/TimelyYogurtcloset82

Psychological Analysis

It’s really telling how the daughter’s experience highlights the importance of feeling validated, especially when it comes to issues of safety and boundaries. Her mom's response reflects a common psychological pattern where some individuals downplay or dismiss discomfort, often stemming from their own beliefs or past experiences. This can lead to emotional invalidation, which not only strains their relationship but can also make the daughter question her own feelings and instincts, potentially impacting her mental health long-term.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, the daughter's decision to distance herself from her mother is a self-protective measure in response to her mother's dismissive attitude and the instructor's boundary-crossing behavior. It's critical to understand that validating feelings and maintaining personal boundaries are both significant for mental health. As Dr. William Doherty, a family therapist, states, "Healthy boundaries are essential for nurturing relationships and protecting oneself." Additionally, Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist, emphasizes, "Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, especially when addressing discomfort or harm," which highlights the importance of open dialogue in difficult situations. This scenario underscores the importance of validating conversations between parents and children about uncomfortable or potentially harmful situations.